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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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Time with boyfriend

Resolved Question:

My boyfriend moved in with me last summer. My issue was, he was not working or contributing to any of the bills. We split up and he returned to Michigan to live with his parents. We got back together a month ago, he moved back into my home. He has not contributed towards any of the household bills. I'm a single mother with 19 year old twins I support too. He is not working but tells me when he gets a job, he will hand his paychecks over to me. Also, he is very demanding of my time. Example-we spent 14 1/2 hours together the other day. He was angry with me that night because I sat on the computer doing "senseless" things. He said he wants 2 hours of my time each night. Honestly, I get burned out & want time to myself. This sends him off the deep end. I am 50 years old, he is 54 years old. In all honesty, we are attached at the hip unless I am at work. If I dare spend 2-3 hours on the computer to read, he goes nuts. I can't handle this any longer. Any ideas?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

There has to be some type of compromise between the two of you as far as the time you spend and he has to understand that you need time to yourself and that you are getting tired of spend time only with him, maybe go hang out with friends like movies, dinner, lunch, shopping. Your boyfriend is old enough where he should be able to find a job without you having to tell him that. You have to talk to each other and discuss the household bills and the time spend on the computer maybe you could tell him you will compromise one hour if he finds a job and contributes to the bills and makes things easier on you financially. If he isn't willing to compromise maybe it was too soon for you to allow him back. I can understand you loving him but right now you are being his crutch because he has it made just as if he was living at his parents home. He doesn't have to work and can sit around while you work hard to make ends meet.

He really doesn't have any say until he is contributing to the household income and if being on the computer reading is your way of unwinding that is your choice. You need to express your feelings in no uncertain terms to him and tell him that the two of you have to have time to yourselves so that you don't get sick of each other. Make a compromise that if you spend less time on the computer he has to allow you that one hour to yourself to regroup after work and he has to find a job even if it's at a store to contribute to the household income. What you have to do is sit down and weigh the good with the bad points about him and ask yourself if he is worth all the stress you are under, is this the type of relationship you want to have for the rest of your life? If your answer to any of those are no then you have to think about whether or not you want to continue the relationship on the course that it is on.

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