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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Will my partner fall inlove with me again

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We were going out for 5years then i got depression the last year and i changed. He told me to get out 1night so i did then 2hours later he called to say sorry but i was still mad, and i said i was better off without him. The minute i said it i new i shouldnt have, i tryed calling him but his phone was turned off and he went to his mates. The next day we said sorry but he said he had fallen out of love with me-i was a mess. I went to the Dr that day because i new there was something wrong with me, i would never say what i said. I got diagnosed with severe depression as i was child abused when i was a child. Anyways im back to how i used to be emotionally all happy again, but hes still not inlove. Its been 1month since we had our fight. We still live together as we want us to work and be inlove again but today he told me that no feelings have come back as of yet-im so stressed, im so inlove with him, always have been. Will he fall inlove with me again? and how long will it take if so?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-What are your ages?

-How long have you live together?

-Did you explain your condition to him?

-Do you have a normal sex life or has that changed also?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to KimberlyF's Post: Hi im 25 almost 26 and he is 25. We have lived together after 2days of meeting each other. I lived 1000km away and we new there was something special after a few hours of meeting each other. Hes a builder and he earnt way more money, and i was about to join the police force, but he didnt want me to because its so dangerous. So we both decided i would move to be with each other, i had a place to move into but he wanted to see me 247 so in the end he asked me to stay with him forever.
He understands my condition and we have read up heaps on it but he doesnt understand why i didnt get help earlier if i new i was depressed. I new there was something wrong, but i didnt no i was depressed-if i new i would of seen the Dr ages ago, but he doesnt understand that and thinks i may of wrecked our relationship because i didnt get help if i new there was something wrong earlier.
Sex has stoped completley since we broke up so has kissing. We only kiss on the cheek. When i started getting depressed i must admitt i didnt feel like it as much because i was so stressed and tired. He says he doesnt want to get my hopes up as hes not inlove with me. So until he falls inlove again there is nothing.
There has been stresses in our relationship after a year or 2. After 2months of seeing each other he kissed another girl whilst drunk-i was leaving him and he begged and said how stupid he was, he was young he just said your the last person i want to be with and i just got scared. So i forgave him but never trusted him again when he goes out and drinks-he understood. He was an apprentice builder for 4years so money was always tight and i was a nurses aid so we wernt making much money. We had the choice after 2years to buy a home or rent he wanted to rent, so we did. We both regret that our money problem got worse and we went insolvent. But we didnt mind because we had each other and we new that. So when we went insolvent we couldnt rent anymore because of our financial state so we moved in with his parents and thats when things have started to change slowley i think. We cant have alone time as its such a big family when we were renting if we needed space we just went to another room and did our own thing but now we are confined to 1room and we get on each others nerve. Sex obviousley is different because we cant do it everywhere and anywhere. We tried really hard so we went away to lots of hotels on weekends and it was so nice but it was getting expensive. Oh and this is a huge point with him. Ive put on weight. Since ive been on my depression tablets im all energetic again and walking etc and its slowley coming off but will take a while. I no he doesnt like my body anymore he even told me. When i was depressed i was so tired all the time and i got lazy and had comfort food-alot!! We have read this on depression that this happens, but he wants me to get back to what i was -so do i, but its going to take 6months but im so dedicated im on a diet and everything. I cant understand 1month ago he said i love you no matter what and you look beautiful. I guess love is blind. I lost my job 4months ago. I hurt myself at work lifting people and went on work compo, but that ran out so i didnt work for 4months. Everything is perfect now but i just hope its not too late. Hes now finished his apprenticship and making awesome money and i just started my childcare course and making money again. We both new their was going to be hard times as we were sort of young and we didnt have much money, but we had each other and we new it was just going to get better. Our financial state is awesome now. Its like the week after we split up everything in our finincial side is almost perfect this is what we were looking forward to. Oh he also said i was nagging the last 6months about going on holidays and he was stressed about it, ive told him sorry but i would rather be with him then go away-but he said it might be all to late. We are now saving up to move out as we no we have to if we want our relationship to work as living with his parents is just too hard. But last night whilst drunk he told me he loved me but it will never work as long as we are living with his parents-i asked why and he just said he didnt no-it just wont. Oh and since we broke up he has got with other women-hes told me but he said none compare to you with the love we shared. I no they are hot as to 1 was a indy model-but he said i want us to work. they are hot and everythng but we dont have the connection we had. Thats flattering and all but i hate he did get with other people-but we arnt together and i have put on weight. So i dont no. Im so inlove with him. We were planning on starting our own family in less than a year and we both want to but hes not inlove. He says he cares for me still just the majour thing being inlove isnt there.
Thank you so much for helping and listening to me, sorry it was long.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

 

Customer

It sounds like your boyfriend is stressed out from everything from, losing your apartment, having to live with his parents, not having any space or time to yourselves, your depression, money situation, and it's taking it's toll on him. I feel that if you have your own place things would get better and you both could work on the relationship again. When someone says they aren't in love with a person that doesn't mean they can not fall back in love with them, the good thing is he said he wanted to work on the relationship so there is something there. All is not lost yet but you have to want to put in the work and as far as your weight is concerned you have to want to lose the weight for yourself not for someone else or to make someone else happy. He did say you are beautiful not matter what, he may just want you to be healthy mentally and physically maybe you could ask him to help you get fit this will be more time the two of you can spend together.

I think you need to start from scratch like the two of you just met ask him if the two of you ca start over even if you get an apartment together you can still start over. You can not fault him for seeing other people while the two of you were broken up so don't throw that in his face it may make things worse instead of better you are going to have to forget about all those other girls that he dated after you broke up don't make that another obstacle in your relationship. If he can see the reasons he fell in love with you before it could possibly happen for the two of you again but you both have to forget the past and the real question is can he do that can he forget that you didn't get help when you felt there was something changing inside of you. What he doesn't understand that people with depression can't help how they feel and are often too depressed to do anything sex, going to a doctor for help for the depression, functioning, it's a daily chore just getting out of bed sometimes.

When you talk to him next ask he if you can start all over and see what his response is and then take it from there. He may need a little time so give him that and if he does agree start out with little date nights and then gradually spend more time together let him see that you are making an effort to win him back. You should work on you before you take these steps work on the body and the mind and the soul, we can not make others happy if we are not happy within ourselves remember that so make sure everything with you is okay before you attempt to win him back because if he sees that nothing has changed you could lose him for good so be very careful how you approach him.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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