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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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my ex and i broke up after two months and i preceeded

Customer Question

my girlfriend and i broke up after two months she said she wasn’t ready for a relationship..and i preceeded to say being friends was okay..then the next day I found out that she was with her ex and they were going out again…naturally I was pissed because all girls never give the exact answer for the break which bugs me…but I handled it cool and acted like it didn’t bug me and hung out with other girls…then i ignored her for over a week..with her constantly texting me saying she missed kissing me and why did i hate her and hey u, we should hang..now i have talk to her cause i thought that ment she wanted me again because of something happening with her ex..but she ran off to her ex when i thought things were going great..is there any hope to get my girl back? I know she wants me obviously if she was that concerned what I was up too..and wanted to know if I had kissed them and why on my facebook it said I was in a open relationship with them..she is jealous but is this enough for her to come back to me? What should I say to her? Should I bring it up or wait for her to bring it up? Is there anyway to get her back she was so much fun? Or maybe I just am conceded thinking that I can get her back but I am pretty sure I could just don’t know the right moves..what should I text her? Cause she wont answer the phone I am pretty sure..
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-What are your ages?

-How long did the two of you date?

-Why did you break up?

-Does she contact you on a regular basis now?


Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Iam 20 she is 19..we dated for two months..we broke up because she said that she wasnt ready for a relationship..and was depressed with her life..and wanted to just be friends until she figured herself out..she said she loved me and prolly would come back she just needed time..Yes she contacts me on a regular basis telling me about her day and how she is feeling..I was okay with giving her space of course cause i am a nice guy..But the day after she broke up with me she was hanging with her ex that she dated 2 years..and they were back together..naturally i played it cool and hung out with other girls and ignored her for a week..she constantly was texting me though saying she missed me and hey u, we need to hang..why are you made at me? Why do you hate me? do you want me? You still like me dont you? I miss kissing you...etc..finally i broke down i contacted her saying i was busy..she proceeded to ask how the other girls were and did you kiss them..and i told her the truth i hadnt just hung out with other girls..i think she was jealous which is what i wanted..but then she doesnt seem like she wants me back but wants my attention..is there anyway to grab her back?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
like she just texted me to send her a pic of me..i just am so confused
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

 

Customer

Your best bet is to just lay all of your cards on the table and tell her how you feel if you truly want her back, if you don't tell her and she keeps thinking you are just friends she may just forget about there be any chance of you getting back together and staying with the other guy. She is probably contacting you and asking you the personal questions because she misses you and she knows that she was the one to break things off when she said she wasn't ready for a relationship but she only realized since you have been apart what she had probably but you won't know that unless you talk to her about both of your feelings, ask her straight out how she feels about you before you let your feelings be known this way if she is still saying she only wants friendship then you know that then isn't the time to tell her.

Some people when they break up with someone think they are doing the right thing but later regrets breaking up with that person because they realize how good they had it or they just can't get that person out of their head so they try to feel them out and see if they too miss them and want to get back together. Just make sure she isn't just trying to be a friend like she said she wanted to be. She may figure having you in her life somehow is better than not having you in it at all. I say throw all caution to the wind and fight for the person you love what do you have to lose you are already broken up. Just tell her how you feel and this way it will be in the back of her mind that you still care about her and have her best interest at heart.

She will realize that you are fighting for her and possibly give your relationship another chance but you also have to consider, are you willing to only have her as a friend? Could you be able to separate the two? Are you willing to have her in your life as friend just so you can have her in your life at all?

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I asked her straight up.."How do you feel about me?" her response "ur a good friend"..is there anything i can do should i open up to her or prolly leave it as is and give up..i want her but i dont want to annoy her..i am confused why she would want a pic..aww girls
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I havnt texted her back yet..but she just texted me "what do you think of me?" should i tell her or just say she is a good friend
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
Customer

You really have nothing to lose since you aren't together now anyway. I would tell her and if you don't want to tell her face to face write her a nice letter explaining your feelings for her. Yes I would tell her don't let this moment get away she asked that means she wants to know, tell her now.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
thanks for the advice..i just am a really shy person until people get to know me i dont like going out unless its with close friends..thats why the girls all leave me because i become to needy..i want to get out more i am good looking by most standards dress nice preppy i was popular in high school..but then i thought i found the one we dated 3 years before a ugly breakup..i ditched my friends and tried to please her because i thought thats what i was suppose to do make her happy..i guess i havnt recovered completly and thats why getting rejected the same way over and over by girls saying "its not you its me" hurts everytime ..i am a nice guy who doesnt drink or smoke or do anything bad is there any hope for me? Is there any good books i should read on the subject sense you might know of one that fits me? I just am scared of more rejection cause i take it hard everytime..so i just dont go out
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

 

Customer

Yes there is definitely hope for you, you just have to learn to not be so needy and hang out more with your friends. Being needy sometimes makes your mate feel smothered and like they never have time to themselves because you are always around if you get out with friends and do things without each other it tends to keep the relationship on an even kill allow each other me time is an important thing in a relationship and if a couple does have that sometimes they grow tired of each other. Get reacquainted with your friends go to the movies, dinner, bowling, sports events anything that gets you out and about and gives your girlfriend some space she will appreciate you more if you don't tend to follow her around like a puppy dog. Instead of staying in when you have break up that is the best time to be around friend they can uplift you and make you forget for the time being and it makes it so much easier to get over someone if you keep busy and not shut yourself down.

It's okay to spend time with the woman you care about but it can be harmful if you want to spend every waking moment with them they sometimes tend to get frustrated easily because they have no time to themselves and they feel like that have to constantly giving you attention. Here are some sites I've found that may help you get out of your shell and become social:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Shyness-Social-Phobia-Step/dp/0765701200

http://www.articleclick.com/Article/Three-methods-of-becoming-more-outgoing/938387

http://www.self-confidence.co.uk/shyness/tips.html

http://www.shynessonline.com/

http://www.shynessonline.com/

 

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
thanks for the help i went to the those websites and ordered the book because i want to fix myself..i guess thats the first step..and she is contacting me still, asking me about if i find her attractive? and more personal stuff seems like she is unsure whiether or not to come back to me..so all i can do is wait and hang with other people she knows how i feel and i cant push her to do anything..i wish i knew the right words but seems like i say the right words to her and she just asks more questions instead of coming back..
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

 

Customer

It seems like a matter of time by her words and questions she asks. Someone that just wants to be friends does not ask if you think they are attractive, I really do think she is feeling you out in hopes of having another chance. Ask her if she thinks the two of you could ever have another chance at a relationship, she may be afraid you will reject her because she broke it off and doesn't know if you still harbor bad feelings about that. Reassure her that you don't and that you somewhat understood why she had to do that, this might speed up the process of the two of you getting back together but also try to be patient until you can work on the clinginess and neediness.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
She contacted me saying we should cruize...So we hung out and cruised around ...each with another friend her another girl me a guy...I acted cool with it and she seemed like she was having fun until suddenly she got sad and i knew something was bugging her so i asked and she didnt respond right away ..then she said would you be worried if your boyfriend was calling another girl constantly cause thats what he is doing to her..and he hadnt called her today and wouldnt respond to her..i asked what do you think he is doing cause she said she thinks he is cheating..and she said "i dont wanna kno, i just feel like crying"...naturally i played it cool..and said "sad..ya well you shouldnt have to put up with that..any guy would be lucky to have u"..and left and texted her if you need someone i am here night..then today she contacts me saying that was fun yesterday..what would you do with me and you in a room together?..I answered all of her questions asked how she was doing and seemed happy to be talking to me so i asked her what you told me..that i didnt harbor any bad feelings and understood why she had to break things off and do you think the two of us could ever have another chance? her answer " If tyler wasnt in the picture. I still would be with you." I dont know how to respond cause she wants me but will i always be second best..can i afford to wait around for her to realize?.. that he cheats on her because he knows she will always come back to him..should i wait and hope she realizes? but even if she comes back if he calls her she will go running back..i just dont know what to do? I want her so bad cause we click and she wants me..but will i always be her backup plan?
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

 

Customer

As much as it hurts her she has to see Tyler for the real person he is and until she can leave Tyler alone completely she will be no good to another else until she find closure in this relationship. She is already seeing that you are the better man the way you just hang out with her and are being her shoulder to cry on. Just continue being her friend and show her that you would never do anything like that to her as a matter of fact tell her that and tell her "You don't deserve to be treated the way Tyler treats you." If she does give you another chance you have to make sure that you aren't going to be second best. If she calls you only when her and Tyler are having problems that's because she knows she can depend on you and if you continue to do this she will realize what she gave up and little by little she will forget about Tyler. Sometimes women are attracted to bad boys they want to know what it's like to date one and then they get their heart broken.

Just make sure you don't lose yourself and who you are trying to win her back and don't change for anyone, don't try to change into Tyler because you think that is what she likes she likes and cares about you but she has to get over Tyler if she is going to be all that you want her to be and have her heart and not share it. Just give it some time to play out. Why don't you try asking her if she wants to hang out on your own and not waiting for her to call you, this way you will see if she only calls you when things with her and Tyler aren't going the way she wants them to go. Ask her to lunch one day and see what her answer is, tell her I know you were feeling down and I want to see if you were okay, don't make it about your relationship and rekindling it make it about how she is feeling. She will appreciate the gesture and the fact that you made it about how she was feeling because Tyler isn't considering her feelings at all.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
that didnt work she still isnt considering me i dont think..but she still comes to me one day all hey u..miss u and the next day its like dont talk to me attitude..i just give up nice guys do finish last
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
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