HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:
-What are your ages?
-Do you both have children?
-Did you ask him if anything was wrong?
-Has he gone through anything stressful these days?-Could you explain your situation a little more?Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.
He may just be feeling overwhelmed with everything seeing that he is so busy with EVERYTHING he may be just wanting to find himself again and getting his sanity back trying to juggle everything at once is taking a toll on him, try not to think of it as him not wanting to see you as much anymore and try to be supportive of him need some me time if he sees that you are being completely support it will show him that you will stick by him through anything. Just show him that he can count on you and things will get better just don't try to monopolize his time this may only push him away.
As far as the party is concerned, ask him if the two of you were going to the party or would he like to go alone and if he says he wants to go alone give him that and don't let he see that you are upset it will only stress him out more. This is going to be trying times for you too, just don't keep your feelings hidden if it gets to be too much for you let him know how you are feeling without sounding selfish. I don't think it is you I thin he truly needs some time to himself to gather his bearings so as not to lose his mind while trying to make other people happy.
If you give him this time things will get better but try not to lose yourself in the process too make sure that you are getting some alone time with him also even if it is a couple of times a week make those couple of times really special for you both and maybe he will want to have alot more of those times with you.
You're so welcome and if you ever need my help again ask for me by name and let me know how things are going.
If the party is tonight I would not wait to find out if he wanted to go with you or alone I would call now and try to make the conversation quick so that you are not taking up time that he may have wanted to spend to himself just tell him you had a quick question and then ask him about the Party and get his answer and say okay I was just wondering, hope you have a good day and call me when you have time.
Of course you can talk to me whenever you need to, remember to enjoy this time with him and make him see that you are there for him totally. Let me know how it goes.
You are going to have to give him some time but don't wait too long to have a talk with him about the intimacy part of the relationship in any relationship you need to feel wanted and cared for, there is a reason he doesn't want to get intimate and the only way you will find that out is to ask him because he is the only person that knows why he doesn't want to do that anymore and turns you down whenever you make advances toward that. At one point if it doesn't come back in the future you will have to have a talk with him. Don't hide your feelings just to keep him happy you have to be happy too.
I would give him a week, two weeks at the most and if nothing happens then I would ask him if the two of you could talk and ask him if he isn't attracted to you in that way anymore and explain to him how you feel about not being intimate with him. You HAVE to consider your feelings too that is a must and if something is hurting you then you have to get those feelings out.
Since you had such a nice time then don't push the issues maybe wait until after their vacation you also don't want to ruin his vacation with his children that will only make you seem selfish and uncaring of his time with his children. When he comes back from vacation and you both have some alone time together maybe try setting up a nice romantic dinner and see what happens and if that doesn't work then I would talk to him about things and the way you are feeling.
No it's not time yet don't push too hard or you will only push him even further away. He is going through something right now and I don't think it has anything to do with you I think it is him he has issues he needs to work on and I think he knows in order to be any good for you he has to work on himself. I would allow him to help you move the props and see how that goes; did he ever answer you about spending some time afterwards? If he does then I would tell him that you have missed him so much and that you've missed the intimacy but whenever he ready for that you will be patient this way you are letting him know how you feel and at the same time giving him his space still, it doesn't hurt to let him know that you are still sexually attracted to him without having to throw yourself at him. Just remember that love conquers all the good and the bad and the fact that he is calling you and making an effort to stay in touch keep positive it will all be worth it in the end.
You just got used to having him around and being intimate with him and when he stopped doing all of that you got scared that the relationship was over when it really isn't he just asked you to be patient while he worked on what he had to work on. Have you ever asked him what he was going through and if you could him? It could be something you could work on together and he will see that you will stick by him through thick or thin.
The worse part for you right now is the not knowing. Your afraid that one day he may come to you and tell you that he no longer wants to see you but I don't see that happening I think he has issues that has to deal with on his own, his children, work pressures, not having enough time in the day to do everything he may have been feeling ran down trying to juggle everything, just be patient and if you sense anything from him that tells you to make your move then do it but don't push it. Tell him your fears and that you don't want to lose him this way he knows that you truly care about him and his life and well being.
Let me know how everything goes and remember I am here for you as long as you need me to be. Don't think about the future think about the right her and right now and cherish every moment you have with him.
I would really wait until after he comes back from vacation to talk about your intimacy issues this way he will have relaxed and perhaps thought about things a little more and realized what is important in life. He will be refreshed and energized. Then I would plan a night to get together with him and then talk about things and tell him how you feel about him and the situation at hand and ask him about being more spontaneous. Tell him you are very attracted to him and be honest about your true feelings. Just be careful about how much you say to him too soon make it a gradual thing. Just wait to see how his vacation went and remember to ask him how it went and don't pile everything up on him at once. You never know he could go on vacation and come back and everything just fall into place only talk to him if things have not changed at all.
Your mixed emotions are understandable because you don't know where you are in his life and you want desperately for him to tell you where things are going but the point is he may not even know that yet. Your friend is right keep yourself busy during the time he is away on vacation surround yourself with friends and get out while he is gone even if you don't feel like being around people because if you just hide within yourself all you will do is think about him and how things are up in the air with him right now. Maybe you could try asking to him think about the way things are now and what he wants out of the relationship and how far he wants it to go, if you feel comfortable saying that right before he goes on vacation but I would say to you to wait like we discussed until after the vacation and then talk to him this way he doesn't feel pressured and feel backed into a corner.
The good thing about all of this he still show interest so don't think negatively about this or all you will see is negative things that may not be negative at all. It may sound confusing but in the long run this will all be worth it of the two if you were meant to be everything will fall into place but aren't the best things worth the wait? This will be the hardest week you will ever have to face but just think it's only seven days compared to a lifetime of possibly spending with the man of your dreams, you just have to consume yourself with things and work and friends. Also beside your friend you will have me to come to if you need me I am here for you as long as you need me to be and are satisfied with my answers.
Just try to make sure that in your moment of weakness you don't do anything that is possibly going to mess things up with this guy. Like we talked about yesterday try to do things that keep you busy and it looks like you are doing a good job of keeping busy so far just keep it up until he gets back but you definitely have to tell him all that you are feeling eventually like I said make is a process don't pile everything on him at once. Although you are considering his feeling don't forget about yours also if you feel you need to tell him do it when you are ready and about the intimacy you need to tell him you are feeling unwanted when he comes home. Something has to give in this relationship or it won't last much longer he has to know how you are feeling and what you need and want. This is not a one sided relationship you have needs and wants also remember that and don't lose yourself in him and in trying to make him happy you have to be happy also.
Exactly it's time for him to decide what he wants and stop keeping in you in the dark. When you talk to him tell him that you want him to initiate intimacy more and that you want to feel needed and wanted by him. You sound alot more confident too like you are becoming stronger instead of letting this get you down and make you weaker that is good because you are going to need all that strength to keep strong and tell him what you want from this relationship.
Keep me posted and remember don't hesitate to come to me if you need me.
If you do not hear from him at all today I would either call or text him tonight and just make small talk nothing serious, tell him you were just checking to how thing are going with vacation. It is weird that in all of the time you have been dating that yesterday he did not call but after all he is with his children and they may be keeping him busy or maybe his brother told him not to talk that he was on vacation I wouldn't read too much into it unless it happens again today then I would take the imitative and call or text him. He may have just got busy with the children and then was too tired to call you. Just think of it this way he only has a week to spend with his children so maybe he just wanted to make the best of it and also have time to think about your relationship and where he wants it to go which is what you wanted. Give him most of today and if he doesn't call by 7pm call him and tell him you wanted to see how his vacation was going.
You're welcome, let me know it goes tonight.
When he comes back make sure you tell him how much you've missed him and are glad he is home he will feel appreciated and wanted. You may need to try making a little intimacy gestures this may let him know what you want but you may be surprised he may want it also after being away for a week. If he doesn't give in then you can try Saturday and if that doesn't work you are going to have to talk about it and tell him how important that part of a relationship is to you. The stresses he is dealing with the children, work, your relationship can make him not perform up to par so take that into consideration but he should be rested and stress free when he comes home unless he is tired from the trip. I hope for your sake that things fall into place this has to be stressful on you.
Give him until about 2 or 3pm then I would call or text him and ask him about the concert tonight and the walk along the river but if he turns you down don't get too upset after all he just got home from a long road trip and may be tired be understanding if he says not tonight but stay positive when you talk to him, let him know that no matter what you are on his side. Don't give up hope on him most things worth having are worth the wait! Remember give him until at least this afternoon and talk to him about the concert. Maybe if you stay at his pace you both will appreciate each other so much more but if the intimacy is still not there then talk to him like we discussed but still tell him how you are feeling about him and the situation be honest and don't hold anything back but if he says he wants to take things slow try that approach also.
A walk along the river would be a romantic gesture and may set the mood to get intimate so if he says no to the concert and the walk plan dinner and the walk for another night when he has had time to rest up from the trip this way he will be more open to thing you suggest.
He seems too reserved to just come out and ask you to stay the night, I don't think that would have happened from what you have told me about him he doesn't like to be too forward so maybe you are going to have to be the one to be forward. You may also have to initiate intimacy with him and keep it going just because he is not doing it doesn't mean he doesn't want to spend the night with you. What you could do is next time you have the opportunity ask him if you could spend the night and tell him you don't have to do anything I just want to lay with you this too could initiate intimacy, you could be subtle yet forward. These are things you want so you have to go get them. Don't wait for him to make those moves or they may never happen until you get up the courage to tell him how you feel and what you want you are going to have to be the go getter.
It isn't you it's just that you were dealt a blow when he said he wanted to take things slower and now you don't know what to do and what not to do and you don't want to lose him so you are feeling a tiny bit insecure but it's time for you to think about you and not everyone else you have needs too and the only way you are going to get those needs met is to initiate them after all he is a man and if he doesn't give you that affection back when you show it then you have something to worry about but he has been showing you affection so maybe you are reading too much into his actions where as before you were more confident and could show your feelings a lot easier. He may just want to be sure you are the one before giving himself to you or maybe he is afraid that if he does initiate he will do something wrong and that will turn you off but you won't know the answer to your questions if you do not ask him so don't be afraid just think of it as just another hurdle you have to get over to win your man.
Make these two night or one of these two nishgts your chance to initiate intimacy, really show him that you want this as much as he does this way he may feel more laid back too.
I think you should wait until tonight you don't want to scare him off for the date tonight make it kind of a spontaneous question like in the heat of the moment if you ask him this afternoon you are giving him time to change his mind. Don't do it while you are running errands that isn't very romantic you want a romantic atmosphere. Good luck!
That is a good sign that he finally accepted an invitation, hopefully he agrees to spend time with you after the party and the two of you can reconnect. Let me know how it goes.
Just don't get nervous remember this is something you want more than anything, so just stay positive and hope for the best maybe a little pray before you go will help you to keep a positive frame of mind. Show affection but don't be clingy or overbearing allow him to make some moves towards affection if possible if he doesn't do that do little things like smile from across the room. when walking either hold his hand or arm and arm. Tell him how glad you are that he could come this will make him feel important to you. Good Luck!
You're so welcome and I hope things go the way you hope they will. Keep me posted!
What did he mean by that did he mean he wasn't comfortable with you staying at his house?
Just play it cool for tonight go to the party and have a nice time and enjoy his company and possibly spend time with him tomorrow but after that it's time to find out where you stand as far as he is concerned you deserve to have that much so you don't keep putting all of this effort into a relationship that may not happen. Something is going on with him and it is important that you find out what it is. Is it possible for him to be seeing someone else? Does he suffer from depression for some reason? He is so hot and cold that it's hard to read him. Just enjoy the time together tonight and tomorrow and then you need to start asking questions about his feeling and tell him how you feel about the situation.
By Monday I think you need to be ready with the questions you want to ask him and what you want to say exactly. Ask him if he even wants to continue seeing you, it's just so hard to figure him out because all I know about him is what you tell me and he seems like a very confused man that doesn't know what he wants when he wants it and who it is he wants.
Go tonight and enjoy yourself and don't let him see that it bothered you what he said but after Monday it's time to start getting your answers so that you know what your next step will be, if you show him that you are upset with him he will only closed down on you wand you don't that to happen, I know you are upset but don't let it show.
He really didn't say stop he said he isn't ready for that right now but you cannot make tonight about letting your anger out this will make him shut down when you are alone just tell him that it hurts you that you cannot be intimate with him it makes you feel as though he doesn't want you but I really wouldn't do that tonight it's suppose to be about having a good time if you confront him tonight he may shut down permanently and you don't want that but you also have to find out why he had such an about face too. Try to put your best face on just for tonight and then if you feel like when you are alone you want to confront him about what he said do so but don't put a damper on the party, remember you asked him to go and if you take him to the party only to unleash on him this won't be good for the relationship. It's almost as if he is treating your relationship as friends and not as if you were his girlfriend. Ask him about that also when the time is right.
Tell him that about the altar and adult intimacy exactly the way you said it to me he needs to hear that because that may be what he is thinking you want the ring the white house with the picket fence let him know that you aren't rushing to get married just have an intimate relationship with him. Tell him you don't feel important to him at all. You can not continue to try to make him happy at the expense of your happiness too there has to be give and take and it seems like you are the one giving, giving, giving. The question is what is your next step if all he wants is friendship or doesn't want an intimate relationship with you? Let's just see how the part goes and take it from there.
It really depends on what he says so don't think negative already just get what you want to say out and listen to what he says and make your decision from there. If you need help thinking of something to say and ask let me know we can work on it together.
You need to ask him that and ask where your relationship is at, are you friends or more than friends or what. I don't think you should wait at all because you are getting more and more frustrated everytime you talk to him and he needs to let you in on what he wants and how he feels about you so that you can make the decision to move on or stay and I really don't think he wants to lose you and that is why he leaves you in limbo but you have to take back your control and sitting him down and asking the questions you want to know will help you do that. Consider your feels for once no one else will do that but you and you have to stick up for yourself. You really need to ask him why he has cut off the intimacy all together and tell him in your eyes that means you guys are just friends and see what he says to that.
Sounds good don't forget to ask him why he doesn't find you attractive enough to show you that he cares about you and is this a friendship thing or does he just need time to think about what he wants the relationship to be. Tell him you haven't felt wanted by him and that you need that and it's important to you don't just talk about the intimacy because that is not the only problem you have to first find out if he even wants a relationship with you so make that your first priority put that at the top of the list because what use will talking about intimacy be if he only wants friendship from you, not saying that is what he wants just saying it could be. Also talk about the fact that you don't only want intimacy in a sexual way you want to be able to spend the night and the two of your just lay together. Tell him that he went from being intimate to nothing at all and it made you very confused and lonely, and hopefully you will get your answers. Also ask him if he is interested in someone else just throw it out there real quick it should be a yes or no answer unless it's complicated.
It doesn't really matter where you have it as long as it isn't a public place because there could be distractions that can throw him off the topics. Make sure when you say how you feel that you make eye contact and don't hold back your feelings, if you feel like crying do so but make sure you don't lose eye contact this way he knows that you are totally serious about what you are talking about if you put your head down and look away he will not take what you are saying seriously and you want to get your point across. Make you sure start off giving him a hug this will relax him so that he isn't uptight right from the start. When you tell him how you feel about him take his hand or touch it momentarily showing affection but still getting to the point. Don't change subjects to your next point without hearing his side of it or he will think that the conversation or discussion is one sided and will lose interested and think that you are not considering his feelings in the discussion. I hope all goes well for you and let me know how you make out.
Yes call him and tell him you need to talk about some things and can you meet with him tonight to talk. If he says not tonight tell him it's very important that you talk to him without telling him what you want to talk about and then ask him the things you wanted to ask and after your talk you will better know what you need to do or think about what you next move will be.
Yes it's time for you to have some answer because you have been really stressed out about this and it isn't fair to you seeing you did nothing to warrant him doing and saying what has said about the relationship I think it's because he is afraid to let someone completely in again and it may stem from his relationship with the childrens mother perhaps? Just find out what his intentions are as far as the relationship and most importantly the not having intimacy.
Very good signs he asnwered all of you question adn it seems as though you have a better understanding of what he meant when he said you need to take it slower. Also good that he still wants you in his life this means he still thinks of you as his girlfriend and wants to continue in this way. You have to learn to be patient or it will only drive you crazy and stress you out, Just cherish the fact that you still have him in your life and he still wants to spend time with you and cals you pretty regularly. Try to keep positive even when you are feeling unsure about things.
That's good that you held back on asking him when he thought the intimacy would come back because you don't want to rush it all and you are allowing him to make the move this will give him confidence to do it more often, you're allowing him to be the agressor and the man, he may have felt like you were taking over his man role and wouldn't wait for him to make his move and he needed to get that back, let him have that and things will fall back into place. Patience is a virtue remember that and stay positive! Good luck.
You are thinking somuch more positively then you did last week and that is in part because you both cleared the air and you now know he wants to be with you don't let that go and don't try to change too much too soon. Yes wait until Friday and then talk to him about that but enjoy his company now.and talk later.
You really don't want to seem too pushy after all that is what made him cool off in the first place at the end of the week only talk about the intimacy issue don't talk about committments. He said you were coming on too strong you don't want that to happen again. Just be careful how you word things so that you don't sound too pushy or overbearing.
Sound like a plan but in the meantime enjoy whatever time you get with him this week and be positive and happy. Even if it kills show him that things will get better between the two of you. and check back and let me know how things are.
That's good that you are trying to stay positive for now that is important to the relationship right now. Possibly you could ask him to get together on a day that you don't have the kids and he doesn't have his children. you're right there is more to a relationship beside the intimacy but that is a good part of a relationship also. What did he say about the intimacy did he give you any hope that this will happen in the near future? You are being supportive which is a plus for you.
Then you need to tell him that and tell him that you need to know if you should move on or wait and ask if he knows how long you will go without intimacy, you need to tell him how important intimacy is to you and how much it makes you feel wanted. I do have to tell you that you don't want this to become common place for him to only have you to hang out with and not to show intimacy with and he may just get use to being without it or not doing that with you. I think he may associate your kind of intimacy with control especially when before you were the one to initiate the intimacy before. Tell him that you want him to initiate and want to be with you intimately. This will tell him that you want him to be in control of some aspects of the relationship. Just talk to him Saturday and see what he has to say about that aspect of the relationship but keep just about the intimacy nothing else like I said this is going to be a slow process of getting every issue you have about the relationship worked out.
The fact that he trusts you with his children say ALOT he trusts you to take them to their grandmothers and other places that is not the signs of a man that doesn't want a commitment with you, he wouldn't trust you as much as he does. Yes keep planning to tell him this weekend and see what he says and if you feel the relationship isn't going to go anywhere then slowly pull away if you don't feel you could remain his friend which would be understandingly awkward. The way you've had to live in your marriage is what made you overbearing tell him because you had to go without intimacy for so many years and the fact that it is so important to you stemming from going without for so long. Then he will understand your point as far as intimacy is concerned.
It's your decision whether you want to continue to wait or move on to someone else but I would wait until things got back to normal with school before making such a drastic decision like that but also you have to do what makes you happy and if he isn't making you happy anymore then you may have to opt on seeing other people. He is stressed about the car right now so I would hold off on the talk unless you really think you need to talk to him about it now. If you talk to him while he is stressed it may have negative affect on him and you don't want that. Like you said when school starts back will give you more opportunities to rekindle what you have lost with him and hopefully he will come around.
The card is a good idea but don't harp too much on the intimacy thing just mention it once and then see where it gets you. That's good you sensed passion in his kiss that mean the intimacy may come faster than you thought. May a couple of more deck visit and you will be well on your way to finding each other again. You may also want to plan a couple of romantic dinners and or walks by the river You need some one on one time with him so that the urge can come back. You must also consider that you both have made huge steps these past couple of weeks so give him credit for making an effort to make things better. Also try including the children in some dates also like you have been it will show him that you are great commitment and possibly marriage material! Good Luck and if you are satisfied with my answer please click Accept so that I can get credit for my answers.
Nicely worded and heart felt, just give him time to comprehend exactly what it was that you were trying to say in your letter or email. He will appreciate that you opened your would to him about your marriage and what you went through during that marriage. When you meet someone that makes you complete intimacy is a huge part of that completeness and when you lose that intimacy you start to doubt yourself and the relationship and I think you put that across very well and soften the blow of having to talk about intimacy with him when you see him next ask him what he thought about what you wrote especially if he doesn't mention anything to you first. First allow it to sink in give him a couple of days to think about what you wrote and then ask him his thoughts about the matter.
Like I said give him a couple of days then ask him about it, don't worry the old saying "No news is good news" just think of it that way plus the fact that he is still calling you and seems positive so I wouldn't read too much into him not saying anything. Make sure you ask him what he thought about what you said and tell him you want his honest opinion no matter how hard it may be. Allow him to express himself without interruption show him he has your undivided attention.
Your going to have your ups and downs because although you worked through some things the intimacy thing still bothers you and until you are able to talk to him about that and work that issues out you are always going to feel some type of loneliness, as you said you don't have long before the kids go back to school which will give you more of an opportunity to talk just be patient until you are able to do that.
Well with everything you've tried it seems like not much has changed since the first time you came to me so now it is time for you to make some MAJOR decisions in your life and it's time to ask yourself if this man is including in that. It does seem like all he wants right now is friends and he does care about you but right now he just isn't ready for the serious relationship that you want. He probably needs someone that is willing to wait for him to have his healing time from his ex wife and he doesn't want to cheat anyone else and this is why he backed off so much. Right now he cannot give you what you want but are you ready to cut him off completely or will you be able to be his friend until he is ready. You should never waste your time on someone who isn't ready maybe it's time for you to consider going on dates and seeing what is out there. As hard as that may sound it may be necessary since you like intimacy and he is not giving that to you.
If you do not get your answers this week maybe you should spend next week contemplating about what you want and if he is truly ready to give it to you. He may not want to start a serious relationship only to get hurt again and he wants to be absolutely sure that the next woman he picks is in it for the long haul. Maybe you should be honest and tell him that you are thinking about letting go completely if things do not get any better it's time for you to put your foot down since he is dragging his.
Since he has made it clear where things stand I think you should find closure as soon as you possibly can and then get out with friend or keep yourself busy so that it doesn't hurt as much. Have you decided to remain friends with him? Do you think you can do that after all you've gone through with him? It's going to be really hard for you to get over this with all of the emotions you had invested into the relationship but it can be done. I have a feeling he is going to regret doing this one day and it may be too late to fix it. You have to first allow yourself healing time (don't get into another relationship until then) you need to occupy your time as much as possible so that you are not sitting at home pining over him (go out with friend to dinner or the movies or plays). I understand you are upset right now but at least you know where you stand once and for all and you are no longer confused about where the relationship is going,
With everything he has gone through he just doesn't see himself in a committed relationship right now and he doesn't think it's fair to keep leading you on the way he did. It will take you a long time to get over this pain but with help from friends you can do it. You have a lot of love and patience for taking his behavior as long as you did and that trait will make you are great girlfriend and later wife to someone who truly deserves your love. You also have to ask yourself do you want to be friends with him or will it be too much to see him possibly with other women? Would you rather not have him in your life at all or have him in your life as a friend?
Use this time to contemplate what your next move will be as far as your life, you worried about his life and his well being so long that you forgot about what you needed and desired, take some you time and think about what you want in a man and the type of life you want for yourself. Make sure that next time you will think of yourself too and not just your boyfriend, that is a mistake you made you wanted to make him happy so you did things his way and lost yourself in the process.
Yes you owe yourself that much to find someone that is just as passionate intimately as you are and that doesn't run hot and then cold on you. Only make the decision about remaining friend if you think you can handle it if you need time then give yourself that also. You are a great person and the reason I say that is because even though he broke your heart you are still concerned about his feelings also too bad he wasn't that considerate of your feelings also, I don't think he is a bad guy I think he is very confused about what it is that he wants in life and in a partner thanks to his ex. I must say that I really think after time he will realize what he had and if that happens and you decide to give him another chance make sure that the intimacy will be there. You don't really have to be alone though you can keep yourself busy and hang out with friends to help the healing process and you always have me if to help also.
If your going to be able to make a clean break from the relationship you are going to have to pick up all of your things from his apartment if you leave anything over there that is going to make him think that you're lingering on in the relationship as it is now. You can ask him those questions but it's only important if you want closure because he has already said to you that he only wants to be friends so that answers your question of what his plans are. It's important for you to worry about you now. He didn't make you a priority in his life only when he wasn't consumed with everything else golf, working out, friends. Like you said intimacy was important to you and even when you told him this he still wasn't ready to give that to you. It's time to get closure and try to move on or at least get the closure that will help you to get past this chapter in your life.
No contact may be needed for a little bit of time just so that you can let your wounds heal. It's going to take quite a bit of time for you to get through this heartache. You really should ask the questions you want to ask so that you can have closure. If you don't get closure you will only keep wondering and will never be able to get past it and be his friend. I think being his friend right now will be a constant torment for you and this is why I said you need quite some times to get over the hurt in order to separate friendship from relationship.
I think you should take as long as you need to be able to look at him and not be broken hearted all the time and it may never happen where you can look at him and wonder why so bow it's time for you to really think about whether you can do the just friend relationship and not feel like you want to be with him romantically. Now all you can do is give yourself time.
Just give yourself a week and see how you feel about everything and if your okay with it then call to see how things are but don't call if you're not ready to face the fact that you may not be with him on a relationship basis. Maybe if you give him time he will realize what he had but he has to realize it and own up it and communicate that with you.
Even if things were the same you would still be miserable and wondering I don't see where much has changed there. The only thing is you thought you were a couple but I don't think in his eyes you were. Just give it some time that is the only thing that is going to ease the pain, you should really try getting out with friend this weekend and having some fun dinner, movie, etc.
I think to avoid more questions than you are ready to answer and unable to answer I would tell the child you decided to be friends for now and that he has some things he needs to work out and didn't think it was fair to keep you hanging on. Only date someone when you feel you're ready don't rush into another relationship before you are ready or they will only be a rebound to you and that won't be a very healthy relationship for you to be in right after everything you've been through with Charlie.