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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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i have a question about who used to be my girlfriend.

Customer Question

i have a question about who used to be my girlfriend.   She drives me crazy, she will literlly call and say she loves me, misses me and cant wait to see me one day and then the very next day its like she hates me wont talk to me ,answer the phone etc... then a few days later she apologizes and loves me again. how should i deal wityh her it is driving me crazy. i do love her and want us to be together and i do believe that she does love me. is she bipolar and what should i do?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Hello sd

How long have you been together?

Have you broken up now? if so for how long?

What are your ages?

Is it all her, or do you have some things that you do as well?

Chase


Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: we havent been together very long about 4 1/2 to 5 months, i would say that we are broke up now for about a week maybe but like i said one day she loves me and misses me and the next it is like she hates me. i am 40 and she is 32 this month, no believe it or not it is all her i was perfectly happy until all this started
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Hello sd

The thing about love is that it can be pretty easy to spot, once you know what you're looking for. Love is not supposed to hurt. If someone loves you, they won't put you through all kinds of drama and pain. When someone loves you, you will be able to tell by the things they do and the things they don't do. 4 1/2 - 5 months may not be enough time to know whether or not you love someone. You can care for them, and be "in love" with them, but to know whether or not you can really love them, you would have to know them for a good amount of time (6-12 mos) to even scratch the surface of who they are.

If you knew things would be this crazy when you first met her would you have continued to go out with her? maybe, maybe not. The thing is, you have to ask yourself why you haven't walked away already, instead of letting her put you through this. Every time she does it, and you accept her back, you're basically telling her, it's ok to treat you like this.

Perhaps she is bi polar, or has some other types of issues, maybe she's seeing someone else, or maybe she doesn't know ho w to handle relationships.....whatever the reason, she needs to address it and stop taking it out on you. The most you can do is suggest therapy, and see how that works out or if it helps. The botXXXXX XXXXXne is, if she can't change her behavior, then you have to decide if this is the life you want to live in the next 6 mos, the next year or the next five years. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Warmly

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
the thing is that i know that she loves me and when she isnt dealing with the things in her past everything is great but as soon as she starts dwelling on her ex's death then it goes downhill fast until she is having a better day then it is all great again. for the most part we are perfect together until she has one of these episodes than it is really hArd for me to hold on. i do love her and want things to work out but dont know if i should.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
How long has it been since her ex passed?

How did her ex pass?

Is she in therapy?

Chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
he died in december of last year of an overdose at least that is what everyone thinks happened. noone is for sure since he died in key west and she is not in therapy even though she needs it she wont go. instead i think she takes her frustrations out on me and i think it is causing serious mood swings, like i said she loves me one day and hates me the next we are actually not talking right now and she has threatened to change her number even though 2 days ago she was telling me how much she loved me and missed me etc....   it is literally driving me crazy.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Hello sd,

Thank you for that additional information. Unfortunately, it is not possible for you to change her, the change she needs has to come from within her. Its not fair for her to take her frustrations out on you, you deserve much better than that, and you have to put your foot down. If you can't see yourself leaving her over this, then you at least have to show her that she can't treat you this way. Perhaps if she starts to treat you a certain way YOU be the one who doesn't talk to HER until she can pull herself together. As soon as she starts her mood swings, you become unavailable until she can get it together. Regardless of whether she wants to go to counseling, or think that she needs it, she sounds like she is going through depression, possibly bi polar, or post traumatic stress, and she needs to speak to someone to address these issues and to learn how to deal with her feelings. If you could get her to sign up here, I would have no problems talking to her and seeing if I could help her.

Chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
thank you for all the insight, i am actually going to stay away from her for a while since she doesnt want to talk to me now i am going to grant her what she wants and not be available until she calls me, at worst i will wait about 3 weeks and call out of the blue just to say that i was thinking about her and wanted to see how she was doing. thanks again.
steve
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
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