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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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hello I had sexual intercourse with a guy who I became ...

Customer Question

hello I had sexual intercourse with a guy who I became interesting in(friendship wise)......do you think sleeping with a guy to soon could ruin or ruins any chance of being just friends?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Hello Sorbe

How does he feel about it? Is he looking for more?

You're not interested in being more, or being intimate with him again?

What are your ages?

Chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: He doesnt want anything serious and his not looking for anything more..well i think he would like to remain on sexual terms...but im not sure....I wish not to continue on in the intimate relationship with him...Im 19 his 23
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
If the two of you can agree that you're not looking for anything more then it is possible to remain friends. You will have to make it very clear to him that you will not have sex with him again, and that you don't want to talk or joke about it, and that you like him as a friend, and need to know if he can handle being friends. When you are around him, do not flirt, or talk about what happened as it will make him think that you do want to be intimate with him again and you don't want to send mixed messages.

There definitely could be a friendship here if he's open to it. As long as he doesn't take it personal about you stopping the sex, things should be fine. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Warmly

Chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: Do you think I should remain friends with him?..
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Tell me why or why not you want to be friends with him?

Chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
because the awkardness and I have the belief after an "occasion" such as that.....theres no way a man could take you serious (is that true?)....And the other day we have spoken and the convo was fairly "light" I felt like I was talking to a wall...but he didnt ask me to engage in sexual intercourse again...what would you advice me to do?....how do I know if he would like to be just friends?(what are the signs)...should I expect a phone call?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Typically a man will assume that once you have had sex, that you will want to be in a relationship with him or he 'owes' you more. Speak up girl (smile), let him know what you're thinking. That way he won't feel uncomfortable. You can tell him, "I know things moved pretty quickly, and maybe we moved in the wrong direction too fast, but I think you're a cool guy. I'm not really interested in getting in a relationship right now, but I'd like it if we could remain friends, what do you think?" and see what he says.

I can tell you for a fact that you can definitely remain friends with someone after such an "occasion", it's all in how you handle it. Like I said earlier, making references to it, or flirting can really make a mess of things, so if you both agree to move forward and remain friends, that goes in the past, not to be discussed again.

He may not call you, he may avoid you, because he may be thinking that you want to be his girlfriend now, or that you may be looking for more than he is willing to give. You have to set him straight and see what happens after that.

I'm always here if you want to talk more.

Chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
....if he doesnt call should I call him? And if he doesnt talk about anything on the phone and just give me dull answers...just move on with my life? or ...
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
If he doesn't call, I would call him and be clear about the fact that you want to be friends with him and nothing more. This will alleviate his potential worry, and open the way to be friends if thats what he wants. If he's not really talking to you, or is just being dull, then maybe the situation is too uncomfortable for him, but you won't know until you ask.

Chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
So be upfront with him ? Thats what your basically saying...: )
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Yes. To get what you want out of life, you have to be upfront about it. If you stay silent, people will assume you want what they want, if you open up and speak up, then there is no doubt how you feel about a situation. This applies to friendships, jobs, parents, landlords, boyfriends, etc.

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you ...Ms Chase your help was greatly appreciated!!
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
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