I would be more then happy to help out, can you answer some questions that may help.
How long have you been married?
Any children at home?
Are you intimate with each other?
Any other issues from either of you (Cheating etc)?
When you say she has emotionally checked out how so?
Any other information that will help me better understand your relationship?
Money problems are the biggest cause of most divorces........that is a fact. Women stress about money far more then the average man because her whole life revolves around paying bills and making sure the household is ran right. When she is unable to pay the bills she will begin to question why. If you are not able to help in the financial aspect she will begin to lose respect for you. I know that is hard to take being a man......but women expect us to take care of this aspect in life. When we can not, they question wither they have made the right choice in a mate.
Is there a reason why you are unable to help more in this aspect? If not this would be the best way to win back her affections. The fact is you have stated that you have made allot of empty promises in the past...........and women remember this. So another promise is not going to fix this. If you really want to fix the issues you must solve the major issues in the relationship.
The first being money. Show her you are trying..........if you have a job ask for overtime, if not consider taking on a second part time job. I know that is not the greatest idea of all time........but it will show her that you are trying. If you do not have a job.........now is the time to get one. I know working some jobs is almost not worth it. But even a job at a restaurant will show her that you are manning up and taking care of business.
Second is to start going over your spending.........if your lying about money then you are spending money you do not have on things you should not be spending it on. Make a change now............stop the lying first and stop the spending that she would be angry about. Let her know that you agree with her that the money is a issue. Ask her if you both can sit down and come up with a budget. Decide together how the money should be spent and on what. Since you have 4 kids this will be your biggest expense other then bills. Make sure the kids have what they need after the bills, then worry about your own needs (This means hers and yours).
The next step is to show her you love her.........take her out. Spend time with her. Even if this means some where that has little cost. Such as picnic lunches at the park. Can't find a sitter........take them with you. Consider cooking dinner for her, doing laundry and cleaning. I know easier said then done........but the reality is a women appreciates a little help at home far more then flowers and candy! Try running bath water for her, and if you have a extra couple of dollars pick up a single red rose and pull the pedals off and put them in the tub.
Little things can mean the world to your wife............tell her to go take a bath and relax the rest of the evening and you will take care of the kids. Do not bother her, and when you go to bed..........give her a back massage, then leave it at that. A back massage is just a back massage.....if she wants something more allow her to choose it.
In the end if you really want to show her you love her, then change those little things. Help with the money and the home. In the end, if you do not she will eventually find someone who will. The sad fact is no matter how much she loves you........if you can not love her enough to change she will resent you.