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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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I caught my husband of 25 years cheating on me. I am ...

Resolved Question:

I caught my husband of 25 years cheating on me. I am having the most difficult time trusting him. It has been 2 years. My question is can you give me an exercise that will help me build back some trust. Is that possible?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

Hi XXXXX XXXXXing. Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-It's been two years since the affair?

-Are you going to counseling or don't want to do that?

-Did your husband show remorse for his infidelity?

-As in exercise you mean ways for you to trust your husband again completely?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

XXXXX XXXXXing,

 

1. Try not to make any hasty decisions when it comes to your marriage now, give it some time. Maybe look at what in the marriage went wrong if anything that made your husband cheat.

2. Don't hide your feelings if you are mad or upset because of his cheating tellhim that don't hold those feeling in it's not good for either of you and It's much healthier.

3. Tears are healthy. If you need to cry do it don't hold it in just because you don't want to feel vulnerable, just don't let your children see that there is something wrong because children feel our pain and this is just too mature of a subject for them unless they are grown-up adult children. Children should always stay out of adult situations and not be put in the middle.

4.Write down your thoughts and feelings about your husband's cheating and go back and read it and when you're done allow your husband to read it so that he can feel what you have felt about his cheating.

5. Ask you spouse questions you want know about the cheating, but he may not know exact why he did it.

6. Counseling would be very good for both of you, it could help you to work throughthis alot easier with outside help.

7.Both you and your spouse should be working on the marriage just because he cheated doesn't mean that you don't have to do some work in the marriage.

8. Try not to involve the children into your marriage problems it will only make it even harder to get over.

9. Don't plahy the blame game it won't help anyone e the blame it happened just try to know the signs in case it happens again.

10. It takes time to get beyond the pain of a cheating husband, you took an important step already to save your marriage.

11. Try to make a new beginning with your spouse. Act as though you are newlyweds even though you have been married marry years make a new chapter. Just because your spouse cheated it doesn't mean your marriage can't be strengthened by this, because it can but it will be different.

12. Keep it between the two of you don't tell other family members about the cheating it will change the way they see your spouse and could cause friction between family, and grudges and sometimes never forgive.

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