No sir, you did not come off as a jackass, you come off as a human being. As adults we come into our relationships with out sense of sexuality affected by our parents, family, friends, exes, TV, books, songs, etc. Sometimes our expectations or desires can be very skewed. The best thing to do is to try and be as open as possible about what we want, what we expect, and what we're willing to give. Some people can't open up, but if the other person opens up, eventually they might, so it's certainly worth a try.
There's nothing wrong with getting an outside opinion, it can help you see a side of things that you might not see on your own. I have customers that come back time and time again, for that 'other' opinion. :)
I forgot to mention that another thing you might want to do, at least once a week if you can, is full body massage. Candles, soft music, scented oils, and one night is your turn, another night is hers. You take your time, touching and massaging every single part of each others body. You can also take a natural bristle hair brush and use it to brush each others body from neck to toe (gently at first). It doesn't have to turn sexual, in fact most times it's best that it doesn't so the other person can completely relax without worrying about having to 'perform'. With communication as key, you will talk to each other beforehand and be clear that it won't go further than just a massage.
There are some videos here
, but there are also many books you can get, try ebay and amazon for used books at good prices. Feel free to let me know how things are going, you can request me by name, simply putting my name in the subject line. Good luck with everything.