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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I persisent in being in love with a man who I have had ...

Customer Question

I persisent in being in love with a man who I have had nothing but trouble with, We have been married twice twice divorvced. Tried again but he isolates me to the point I fail to exsit. So I run away and then he tempts me into coming back to reject me again He is a Psychiatrist and I am a nurse we are now 70 and 60 yrs old. I want to be done but when he calls I fall right back into the mess THe children are long gone thank heaven
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
HelloCustomer

You married and divorced this same man twice?

What do you mean by isolates you? What do you mean by fail to exist?

In what ways does he reject you?

Are you with him now?

At what age did the two of you meet?

Why do you think you keep returning to him?

Have you ever been in a relationship with another man?

Chase
Customer: replied 8 years ago.

yes married and divorced twice, we tried once more but gave up again

he ignores my feeling and opinions, he is very isolated and controlling

no

I was 25 he was 36

I have not found anyone else so brilliant, I love him

Yes, but they paled in comparison, not as exciting or intelligent

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
HelloCustomer

I apologize for getting back to you so late, I did not see your previous response.

I think it may be possible that you have been under this man's control for so long that he knows just what to say or do to keep you in his possession. In many ways it's sad that you've never allowed yourself to have this kind of love with someone who really deserves it.

Love is not about isolation, and it's not about control. Love is about passion and compassion, trusting and being worthy of trust, knowing that someone would never intentionally hurt you and wants the best for you always. Sure, we know when we love someone, although sometimes what we feel is not really love, it can be control, desperation, low self esteem and/or a whole host of other emotions. It's much easier to tell if someone else loves you because if someone really loves you, most of the time you know it by the things that they do and the way they treat you.

If this person treats you this way, then they don't love you they control you. You say you love him, but if he's not capable of giving that love back, what then? You've given him a lot of energy and a lot of time to prove that he can do it right, but he fails you each time. At some point you've got to look out for yourself, and protect yourself. There is someone out there who is willing to love you the way that you need to be loved, but as long as this man is blocking the way, you'll never be able to see that.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Chase

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