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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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I feel very hurt and disappointed with my husband, because ...

Customer Question

I feel very hurt and disappointed with my husband, because when i ask him for a favor he express himself to me that "i can ask him any favor i want, but another thing is if he wants to do them to me"... he told me that he''s saying to me like he would say to any other person, he does favors only when he wants ...and i think that he doesn''t have to treat me like that I''m always available for him I always help him when he needs things......
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-What are your ages?

-How long have you been married?

-Have you express to him that you are hurt by his actions?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I'm 31 and he's 33
we have been married for 11 years
yes I have express my self to him about this, he knows that sometimes he's very rude to me, he express himself like this(what i express in my question) yesterday and when I herd that statement i felt very bad,but he told me "you have been married to me 11 years you know how i am..and because i tell you today this you're going to make troubles??..that's the way i am" .. and yes, I know how he is.... but when he's rude he hurts me. and he knowing this, he continue doing... another thing is that he is that kind of persons that you have to push him for everything... so I have to push him to wake up calling him 3 or 4 times I have to push him to help me at home... if i dont move and do the thing s at home etc.. i always have to be worry about the things we need at home, the thing we need to do etc......so I'm tired of that, the other day I told him that I'm not going to tell him anymore the things he needs to do, he's enough big to be responsable....and the he took a bad attitude and told me that the only thing he needs is a little push to do the things.... if i don't want to help him that's ok.....
I don't know I'm a little confused sometimes i feel that sometimes he only tells that he loves me , but with his actions he doesn't show me .... i don't think he knows how to love.....
i am willing to work this out... but he told me that he have been trying to change but with no results... so he is only living....
I don't want him to take advantage of me (i feel sometimes that) i don't know how i have to react at this situation......i feel rejected, and hurt..
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

 

Customer

Of course you feel rejected and hurt and alone because you feel like the marriage is only one-sided and that you have no support from him in anyway and that you are doing everything yourself. It seems almost as if he is your child and not your husband. You have to know when enough is enough and that you want better for yourself and want things to change in your marriage because evidently he is not trying to the best of his ability to make the marriage less strained for you and that isn't fair to you or the marriage. It is going to be hard for you to get him to change on his own because he has been this way for 11 years and just sat back and took it, decide that you are not going to take it anymore and he will make more of an effort hopefully and if not you may need to consider marriage counseling because it sounds like this marriage is in trouble. Tell him you want to try counseling and maybe the counselor can get him to understand how he is treating you and why he is doing it.

I just don't see your marriage ending because of something that can be fixed and possibly make it stronger. A counselor can give you so many other option in how to communicate in the marriage and talk things out so that you nor your husband have to get so frustrated with each other. He will learn to appreciate you more and everything you do for him and the household. Tell your husband you are at your breaking point and feel unappreciated and that if he loves you he would try the marriage counseling, I just don't see the two of you working this out on your own you have tried that and have gotten no where. The counselor may even want your husband to do single counseling between him and the counselor be open for that if you do choose to go that route. If you have anything to add please click reply and let me know.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and 4 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I already told him about the counselor and, he told me that a counselor is going to tell him what to do and he already try a lot to be more discipline, change bad habits and he always can do 1 week bu after that he goes back to be the same person.....
so that is the statement that he says every time i ask him to look a cousenlor....
what i should do ??
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

 

Customer

Well you have tried everything on your own and it's not working and he won't see that your serious until you do something drastic or until you agrees to get counseling. Unless you want to try a trial separation which the situation isn't serious enough to warrant a separation unless you are fed up to that point where you can not take it anymore. Maybe you could invest in some self help books or e-books from online on making your marriage better. If you allow things to go on the way they have been its only going to get worse and when you are stressed it's not good for your health. It seems like that you are at your breaking point now and have tried everything.

Do you have a clergyman that you can talk to but you see if you get someone that your husband knows to talk to him he might get angry because you told people your marital problems but you can't do this yourself you already tried. Do you think it's possible for you to get your husband to come here and talk to one of our relationship experts? Maybe he could hear from an outside source that the way he treats you isn't good for your marriage. Also I could have another expert talk to you and you can get a second opinion if you would like. Please let me know what you think.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
of course i would like ... I know i'm in my breaking point and I'm not considering at all in separation or divorce because i have faith that God can do something in my husband's life, in my marriage and in me, but i don't know how to handle this situation at this time.. i don't want to make bad decisions... because i know my self too and I have my temper and when this happen it makes me feel angry and frustrated, so you can image... sometimes i have to be in silent because i know if i open my mouth is going to come out things that are not going to be healthy for my family... so where are you located and how much it would be??? it would be wonderful!!
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
Customer

I am going to ask Ms Chase to talk to you also she is our top relationship expert and a very caring person and maybe she can give you some advice that I have missed and if afte ryou talk to MsChase you would like to continue to talk to me that is fine and if you find her more helpful that is fine also I put alot of faith into MsChase and she is great. Let me see if she is on it may take a few mintues for her to get back to you but she may be able to give you some other advice also. Good Luck to you!

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
perfect, and i would like you to recommend me a crhistian counselor if you know one I'm located in Miami, Fl
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Hello Raquelita,

I apologize for taking so long to get back to you, I was having some severe computer issues. I agree with everything that Kim said and I have a few questions of my own if thats ok.

Has he always been like this or did this start at some point?
Did he do the favor for you?
Has he ever actually gone to counseling?
Are there children in the home or just the two of you?
Have you ever told him you were thinking of leaving? if so what was his response?
Do you feel you do more for him than he does for you?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
he has been always like this.. lately he was trying to help at home, washing the dishes, taking the trash out ..well yes he does some favors to me but if he can ignore a favor I'm asking him he just do it ...
maybe is the way he was raised up, but he doesn't take care of the needs of the house(home repairs, if there is no milk or bread or if our son is in need of anything) i'm, the one who has to be behind of the things at home, every weekend I have to tell him let's go to the market to buy food....yes, he produces some money, he give it to me to handle,(I'm the one who handle the finances at home)because he says that he doesn't know how to handle money, he wastes all, so he tells me, i give you my pay check, you handle it, and buy what the house need... (well lately he hasn't been able to contribute to the house too much because he's is a graphic designer and some times he doesn't have too much work, so I'm the one who has been supporting the house the most), but i trust in God that the things will be better...
Sometimes i think i need to talk to a psicologist   to learn how to deal with my husband, because one day he wake up good, sweet, playful, other day he wake up serious, no taking, ignoring me, cold, and gets angry for any little reason...
and when sometimes is just quiet, not talking at all, cold concerning in his own things i get up set, and start not talking to him too.. and when this happen he knows that he ignores me, or treat me rude it hurts, and sometimes is with no reason , for him thats normal, he says that sometimes he doesn't have nothing to say, but i think it's ok when you don;t have nothing to say, that happen to every one, but when you feel the coldness, and the indifference, is another story... but for him is normal... I would like him to be the same always ... I don't want a perfect man I just want the same husband with inperfection. but always treating me the same way....
Yes i have 1 child
i don't want to leave the home, never i will do that, ijust want to know how to deal with this situation
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
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