HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would helpme to know:
-How long have you been married?
-Has he always been faithful as far as you know?
-How long has he been asking you for the threesome and going to that site?
-Is there possibly a shower at his job?-Could you explain your situation a little more?Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.
First can I call you Wanda? He seeming as though he showered does seem strange but what is even stranger is that he can not tell you why he comes home so clean after working 12 hours a day. Does he go places and takes too long getting back? Does he make or receive strange phone calls? You have only been married for 3 months he didn't telling you before this that he wanted a threesome? if you feel uncomfortable about him talking about that kind of stuff then you need to tell him flat out that isn't your cup of tea and that you are not interested in the least bit to fulfill that fantasy for him. Tell him that you take your marriage vows very serious and that you wish he did also. Until you can find proof of him cheating or doing anything shady you will have to trust that he is being faithful to him. Trust in a relationship is very important but if you feel that the urge to find out for sure is there then maybe you should do your own detective work and check to see if he is at work the whole 12 hours or if he leaves to go somewhere follow him but that is taking a chance of messing up your marriage for no reason at all.
It sounds like your husband is over sexed and may need some counseling for that it would be so bad but the fact that you didn't know he would go to swinging site and didn't know he wanted to badly to have extra marital sex with someone along with you is wrong especially when he knows you do not like that type of thing. You must stand your ground as far as that type of thing is concerned and not allow him to back you into a corner and you do it thinking you can save your marriage that will only make you feel like you have lost yourself for the sexual gratification of your husband. Once you said you would not do that he should have respected your wishes and never mentioned it again.
It's strange that in all of the years knowing him that he didn't mention that o did you know he liked or wanted to try that and thought once you got married that would change?
Then you have no choice but to trust him but tell him that his wanting a three some and going to swinger sites really bothers you and that it doesn't interest you AT ALL, as his wife you have that right to be respected and love from you husband and for him to love you and only you maybe mention to him about him getting help for his obsession with swinger sites and threesomes. Many men fantasize about that but do not obsess about their wives fulfilling that fantasy. That is a kind of mental adultery that now has you wondering if he is being faithful to you or is he fulfilling that fantasy with someone else because you won't do it for him.
Are you afraid he will actually hit you or just the verbal attacks? either one is not a good thing and if the marriage is trouble already after only three months then you both definitely need so marriage counseling if he is willing to go if he isn't then maybe you should go alone so that you have someone to talk to, do you have a trusted friend or clergyman that you can talk to? You really need someone to talk to about what he is putting through before you drive yourself crazy with worry. You should be able to talk top him about anything without him getting made and yelling at you to the point where you are afraid. I am here as long as you need me to be here for you but you also need some outside counseling for your husband and his issues before your marriage is over before it gets started.