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Ask Ms Chase Your Own Question

Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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My husband..

Customer Question

I am sick of the way my husband is and i need advice to help him. He thinks im the hottest thing on this earth, which isn't such a bad thing. but he is in iraq right now and im by myself. i've never cheated on him EVER. i'm a good wife!. he wants me to sit at home everyday and not go out. he thinks my freinds are bad, which they are married too and thier husbands are in iraq. he doesn't want me doing nething. he thinks all guys want me. and he is afraid some other military guy will try to get with me because he says guys only want one thing and they know i'm a lone and vonerable. i told him i married him for a reason and i love him. i am not lonely enough to find someone else to keep me company! i told him i can take care of myself. there are guys every where you go. guys are going to hit on you. i am just sick of it. its stressing me out. i should be able to go out and have fun! and i feel guilty if i do! im only 21!!!
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Hello Bebe

You're right that him thinking you are hot is great, but you can't live under a cloud o suspicion. Do you think that you may be giving him more of an overview of your schedule than you should? Do you tell him everywhere you go, and everything you do? It's very typical for soldiers away to be concerned about their wives at home, just as it's very common for wives to be concerned or jealous about what their husbands are doing in Iraq. Do you act jealous with him, or ask him what he's doing on his time off? Do you ask him if he spends time with the women soldiers, or if he's around civilian women? Hopefully this is something he's experiencing while overseas and doesn't continue once he gets back home. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Chase

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: I tell him what i do, which is not much. But i guess that isnt enough for him. Its annoying when he asks me a million questions. I dont grill him at all. I completely trust him. He cheated on me a couple of years ago before we got married. I always thought that he thinks i might do that to him, which is why he is the way he is. I just cant get it through his head tha ti love him and i wouldn't do anything wrong. I should be able to go out and have fun. Guys do not bother me and if they did, id tell them off. I am just at a loss with what to do. talking to him doesn't help. he said all he does is think in iraq and i understand that but its making me stressed to the limit and i already have bad anxiety as it is and just makes me depressed.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Hell bebe,

Thank you for that additional info. You may have to put your foot down a little in the sense that you can tell him, I'm not going to sit here and be grilled, if you're going to grill me then I'm going to get off of the phone. Additionally you should bring to his attention, every time he questions you, you're the one who cheated, not me. It might seem mean or cruel, but you've got to somehow stop him in his tracks and give him a reason to think about what he's doing. Jealousy and suspicion can severely undermine the trust in a marriage, and his unhealthy attitude about it could actually cause you to want to cheat...to be with someone who trusts you. I would never tell anyone to lie to their husband, but I have also heard people say to be mindful of what you talk to soldiers about on the phone while they are away. It's possible that any mention of going out is setting him off, so maybe you should refrain from talking about it as much if at all. Try talking about other things and avoiding the subject altogether.I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Chase