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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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wife nags incessantly, no sex

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My wife complains about everything under the sun, and I mean everything. We''ve been married 23 years and had sex about 25 times. I am at my wits end, if you know what I mean. She doens''t think anything is wrong with her, it is all me. I treat her like a queen, wait on her hand and foot, cook all meals, do all shopping, 90% of all housework, care for her mother that lives with us, and she wouldn''t say thank you if her life depended on it. Our finances suck, and she says, "I dont'' want to know about it." Yet she demands we go on vacations, spend like there is no tomorrow, and try to impress others that we are rich. All children are grown and gone (we have none together). I am her seventh husband and she is my second wife. What do I do?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-What are your ages?

-Do you want to save your marriage to her?

-Do you want to leave?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to KimberlyF's Post: I'm 56
She's 50
Yes I want to save it.
I've tried leaving, only to be begged back with empty promises.
To explain more would be asking for a 10 hour disertation. Be more specific in what you are looking for, please.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
Customer

Does she show any kind of appreciate towards what you do for her and her mother? Have you thought about going to marriage or couples counseling? If you do everything cook. clean, take care of her mother what does she have left to complain about, explain some instances about what she has complained about?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to KimberlyF's Post: She's demands to know WHY I do anything I do; Why did I buy something at a place where I know you doens't like the owner, why do I let the tea pitcher run out without making more tea, why did I tell someone something when she says I should know she wouldn't want me to tell them, why did I leave a box in the sunroom when I should have taken it out, even though I was diverted with a different chore at the time I would have taken it out, why did I forget something at the store, why did I buy a grocery item that she swears she told me years ago that she didn't care for, why do I ask her to be intimate, that she doesn't like to be pressured, why did I hang up an article of her clothing after washing and drying it when it had a spot on it, why don't I make more money, why did I allow her mother to pay for her own carry-out meal (her mother pays for nothing and has a good retirement income with no bills whatsoever, and on and on and on.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

 

Customer

it seems as though your wife has gotten use to be able to boss you around and you said nothing just to keep the peace and now you are fed up and don't know how to change the way things are now. Your wife's behavior is a learned behavior because you allowed her to speak her mind and say what she wanted and now you need to take some control back a marriage is suppose to be 50/50% not 90/10% take back your 40% and make this marriage evenly yoked if that means going to marriage counseling that is what you are going to have to do to save you marriage. Now the big problem is getting your wife to admit she has a problem with being too controlling and she has to wants to change that about her.

If you're ever going to be seen as an equal this is something you have to work towards since your way has not worked you both need an outside influence of some kind, a friend, a clergyman, counselor, someone on the outside looking in that can have an neutral opinion about your marriage and give you both advice for you both to work towards saving your marriage. It seems like she nags about petty things there are much more important things your wife could worry about then fill a tea pitcher or buying something from an owner she doesn't like, with the economy the way it is she is definitely going to have to make some sacrifices.

Think about the counseling and talk to her about how you are feeling and tell her that you don't like the nagging all the time. Tell her you feel as though she doesn't appreciate you or the things you do and see what her reply is, you definitely shouldn't let her nag you around as much as she does and you need to nip this in the bud now before you get too fed up and want to leave eventually. You have to give your wife a realty check more or less and you may need some outside help with that. If you have anything to add or still need help click reply.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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KimberlyF
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