I'm here, what is your question?
Thank you for that additional info, let me ask you a couple of things.
I'm sure you may have thought about this, but if someone wanted to buy the boat, could the cost of the rental be added on to the cost of the boat?
Is he making enough a month to pay for the car note?
Do you know what he makes at his job?
Have you thought about telling him that you are going to take over his finacial affairs and try to set up payment plans for him? Do you feel comfortale telling him that?
Thank you Karen, I think my question to you at this point, is what is your question? You've given me a lot of info, and you don't want to move in any of the directions I've suggested, and you've not actually asked a question. Let me know
I see where you stated that, but it wasn't in the form of a question. I like to be very clear, so that I can address exactly what you need, I meant no offense. :)
In my opinion, you have been with him for almost three years together, you are carrying most all of the bills, paying for almost everything, so I don't think it's unfair for you to feel free to discuss any aspect of his finances. You're basically carrying him, while he continues to pay for his 'toys'. I know he's struggling financially, but it's not fair that you pay all the bills while he pays for a corvette. Imagine the 900 dollars he pays for the car, going towards the bills.....you could probably have enough money to pay down your own debt, as well as start paying on his debt, go out to dinner, heck, even go on a vacation or little trips. That car would really be a sticking point with me, because it's a drain on his finances, and although you don't mind paying the bills, it sets a bad precedent in the relationship.
Let me know your thoughts
It's not going to be easy I know, and I give you the advice very matter of factly, and sometimes relationships are not very matter of fact, but far more emotional. If you really care about someone, it becomes difficult to confront them, for fear of losing them, but you have raised children, and unfortunately there are times when you will have to approach your relationship in the same way. If you don't open a dialog with him and get all of this stuff on the table, then you will start to resent him, and he will probably be doing the same thing next year. Can you imagine? Being in this exact same position a year from now? Because he is basically ignoring it, that tells me that unless something happens to put him on a different path, he will continue to ignore it.
As for the boat...I'm not sure to be honest. My thoughts are basic math.....sell the boat for what he owes, plus the storage fees, and that's it. Maybe that's wishful thinking....since the economy is so bad, and I don't know if the boat is worth what he owes.
The second choice would be to get caught up on the storage fee, so that he could sell it. If he sold it for 15k, then he would owe the additional 3k, but that beats having to pay the whole amount.
The third choice would be to sell it for less than the 18k and have the buyer pay the storage fees and deduct the storage fee from their payment. Again, he loses money, but not 18k.
I would pay that storage fee as soon as possible, especially with them adding late fees, or eventually they are going to wind up owning the boat, and he's going to have to pay over 20k between the boat and the fees.
Widen your selling options, put an ad in the paper, put an ad on craigslist.com, put a listing on ebay if you have to (through and auction house might be best, XXXXX XXXXX sure it goes thru ok).
Let me know your thoughts about this. (I'm not worried about you paying, you've always accepted in the past :)
I don't mind at all if you show him anything we've talked about. You would have to decide if you think he would be offended that you talked to a stranger about the issue, or if her would see it as a way for you to reach out, feeling that you couldn't really reach out to him. If all you're going on is past experience, then it can't hurt to try and talk about it, but he's probably more defensive about the boat and the car because he knows in his heart that he's being selfish about them. If it weren't for you allowing him to move in with you, and basically supporting him, he would have already lost the car, which probably irritates him subconsciously. You are right when you say the truth will be apparent, because he can't hope to continue on this way forever, he knows the ball will have to drop eventually, he's just avoiding it.