HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer By the way, it would help me to know:
-What is your age?
-Is there a reason he hasn't had a girlfriend since high school, like a broken heart from someone in high school?
-Why do you only see each other on the weekend and not during the week also?
-Does he drink alot when at the bar?Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.
I think that he keeps from having relationships with people so that he doesn't lose them, he may be tired of giving himself to someone only to lose them. The Alcohol and drugs are to mask his pain from losing so many people and now that he has been doing it for so long it's probably his crutch to even exist and not break down. He never gave himself time to grieve and the alcohol and drugs was his way of coping and now he is probably addicted to them both. I think that if he could get some help and get clean he may find that he can love someone totally and completely and it won't hurt as much as he thinks it would. It's important for him to get help and become a person who can coexist without alcohol and drugs.
He is walking around in a haze and this is why he can not give himself to you, if person don't know themselves then they definitely will not be able to get to know someone else and truly care about them and love them. What I say to you is to be there for him as he needs you to be and don't judge him but tell him that you want to explore taking this relationship to another level and ask him if he has ever considered getting help fro the alcohol and drugs. If he refuses help then there really isn't anything you can do about that because he has to want to get help. He will see that he has a special in you and hopefully by then it won't be too late to do something about it.
He has to be able to see that there is more to life than walking around in a haze and always drinking and drugging. Once he is able to do this then you can have the talk about a more serious relationship but until then you won't be able to have much time with him because he is always drinking or doing drugs. That's good that you give him his time with his friends and your right if you did try to intrude in that time that will make him think that you are crowding him and trying to monopolize his time and that may chase him away. Just take your time and see where things go and see if he makes a choice to have a better life for himself.
You're quite welcome and if you ever need help again contact me by name or one of our other experts. Good Luck to you!