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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Here is my story. Any 3rd party advice would be great. I ...

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Here is my story. Any 3rd party advice would be great. I met a girl online about 6 months ago. She was away at school and we planned to finally meet when she got home- about a month ago. When she got home, first her grandfather died, so she had to go away for a couple weeks. Then when she got home again, she was rushed to the hospital...and then diagnosed with LUPUS. So here i am with this girl i like a lot, whom ive connected with over the phone, and who is now sick. Ive been reading up and Lupus is not fun. Im not quite sure what I should do. Should i continue and proceed with this "fantasy" of this amazing girl? Or should I look at the big picture and say " There are other girls out there" who life might me easier with. I feel like crap thinking about it that way. But when all is said and done, i havent met this girl. Just wondering how and IF i shouldtake the plunge down this road, knowing what could come...
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello,

I think that you should at least meet her and see how it goes from there. I don't think it's fair to just dismiss her out of hand because of her illness. Lupus can be hard on some people, but there are people that live with it without a lot of problems. The issues is, we cannot choose who we love, and when we fall for someone, all of those other things won't matter as much. By the same token, if you decided to walk away, no one could blame you, however you may not want to look back and wonder, 'what if' you had of made a different decision? I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: Thank you Chase. Its just so hard to think about this. This girl is great and doesnt deserve this. Shes beautiful, funny, artistic...just awesome.Shes has her ups and downs. She told me from day one that there as been a black cloud following her for a while and she couldnt control it. I told her that I would help clear the skies make things better...but even with all my efforts, she really just cant get a break. Its such a shame cause shes so innocent and sweet. Kills me.

I read up on lupus and it says how patients are not as active and cant be in the sun too long, may have pregnancy issues, and im a very active guy and want a family someday, so its just hard to think about taking that kind of risk...this stinks.

During the school year, she lives 2 hrs away, so it would be long distance as well...for another 2 years. I guess im just thinking about all these circumstances and trying to come up with an answer. Im probably thinking about this too soon. Who knows what i will think after i meet her...so maybe i should just stop making myself crazy thinking about it when a key factor (meeting her face to face) has not happened yet.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

That was my point. Give yourself the chance to meet her, and then see how you feel. Not everyone with lupus is the same. You guys might meet and nothing comes from it except very good friends, you could meet and decide that neither of you likes the other "like that", or you could meet her and realize she's the girl of your dreams. Or you could cut things now, move on and never know. No one wants to be with someone who is depressed and sick all the time, but it make take a little time to be sure that this isn't the case. Keep in mind that no one would blame you if you felt that these things are too much for you to deal with at this time in your life, that is your perogative and your choice. You have to try and base it on what you think would work for you, not just now, but in the long run, and also what you can handle, emotionally and spiritually. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Chase

Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thanks a lot. I appreciate your words of advice. I haven't had the chance to really talk to anyone about this at all. Honestly i was a feeling a little weird getting myself so deeply involved with an internet/phone relationship with someone i never met. Its so unlike me. So I've pretty much kept it to myself. I was waiting to actually REALLY meet her before i told anyone about her - so that said, no one really knows the extent of our peculiar situation. its just nice to be able to tell you. so thanks.

It helps me to hear you say:
"Keep in mind that no one would blame you if you felt that these things are too much for you to deal with at this time in your life..."

Its nice to hear you say that after meeting her and giving it a chance, i should not feel like a terrible person if it gets to be too much and i have to distance myself. I mean, I'm only 26 and about to make a push to get my commercial directing career off the ground. Been working at it for years and I am very focused on that. I am really not sure where it will take me. I've always been a man who follows the opportunity. I guess after I meet her and give it some more time, if I feel like its all just seems too much to deal with I guess i have to do what i have to do, for my own life, when the time comes. Either way it wont be easy. But i guess thats just life.

So I will meet her and see what happens. Can i request you on this site if i want to talk to you again? I'd like to be able to come back and talk to you, cause you know my situation, if i need to. Thanks again. I feel a bit better now.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

You're welcome, I'm glad that I was able to help in some way. In this internet age, it's not uncommon for people to develop these online or phone relationships, so it's not something that is uncommon any longer. I know so many people who met their significant others or spouses online.

The only thing I would say is that when you meet her, and you make your decision, tell her....don't string her aXXXXX, XXXXX't sleep with her, don't play games with her. If it's not something you want to deal with then walk away. If she's as great as you say, there is someone out there that will be willing to love her, so if that person is not yo, allow her the ability to walk away and be able to find that other someone.

You can talk to me anytime you like I'm always here. You can simply put "att chase" in the subject line.

Warmly

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: Thank you. You have been great.

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