What is your question/s?
Thank you for using Just Answer and for providing me with such a frank and honest idea of your feelings. It's not easy to admit that we may be lost or feeling like we are alone in our struggles, and rest assured, I do take you and your situation seriously.
Everyone's relationship with God is different. You can go to church with the same person for years, but they still will have their own way of dealing with God and their faith that is going to be in some way different than yours. I'm going to assume that you are Christian or Catholic, but you can correct me if I'm wrong. The fact is there are many 'religions' that seek to have a relationship with God, even if they call him by other names.
I don't believe that there's a specific "way that God works", I believe that you create a relationship that works for you, and that sometimes this relationship is in conjunction with the parameters of your religion. For example, a person who can or cannot eat certain foods based on their religion, or a particular way that prayers are to be said.
Sometimes it can be difficult to hear God and understand what he wants from us. There is no real answer to that question, but we do know one thing, God wants us to live a righteous, true and good life. He wants us to love ourselves and love one another. He wants us not to harm ourselves, others, or the planet...or at the very least minimize the harm when possible, and still feel bad about doing it. This is my thoughts, and what I believe God expects from me. We're not perfect, no one is, but we can strive to be more perfect than we are.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto to you. Don't treat people in a manner that you would not wish to be treated. Let s/he who is without sin, throw the first stone. No one is perfect, so you should never sit in judgment of others. The 10 commandments provide a list of the things God expects of us.
There's a possibility that you may never actually "hear" a "voice", like someone actually talking to you, but if you believe that God is within you, you can learn to interpret the things you feel and the things you need to make decisions about.
There are a few ways you can open the line of communication with God. Start to meditate. It should be a quiet place where you can relax, a beach/lake, a hike in the woods, a bike ride, at night before you go to sleep or in the morning when you wake up, on your knees, in the bath....anywhere where you can experience a feeling of peace.
You can also take your bible, open it randomly and read whats in front of you. This could be a question, or a particularly hard struggle or life problem you're having. Again this has to be something you feel very comfortable with and you need to be calm and try to attain a peaceful feeling at that moment.
Commit to trying to communicate with God on a daily basis. Set aside a time/s that you can sit quietly and open your heart and mind and just talk. Whether you talk out loud, talk in your head, or write in a journal, is all up to how comfortable you feel. You can even do different things on different days. Journal on the weekends and pray during the week. It's all up to you and your schedule.
There are times when you will wonder about a decision, and if you've made the right decision. There's no way of knowing for certain, but you will usually get a feeling about things. Some people attribute this feeling to God and his spirit being inside of you. Remember always that God helps those who help themselves, and the helping hand we sometimes look for is at the end of our own arms. Sometimes it seems like there is no answer or no end to our problems, but the reality is, this is your life. You can make the best of it, keep trying despite the odds, and when all else fails, do something for someone else. There's nothing better than doing something for someone else, who has less than you or is in a worst situation than you to make you put your own situation into perspective
I do hope this helps, and I welcome your thoughts. Let me know if you want to talk more. I'm here anytime.
Thank you for that additional information. With all of your diagnoses, have you considered applying for disability?
I think at this time you may want to take a more simple approach to your prayers. Don't assume that you're being told to do anything, and don't ask for anything, just pray. Thank God for the fact that you are such a strong person who was able to live through what your parents put you through, thank him for your gift of life itself and your ability to be able to walk, see and hear. Ask him to open the pathways in your life that he wants you to take. Pray for others. Ask that his will, not your will, be done. If you can't think of anything to say, then read or repeat a prayer, such as the Lord's prayer.
Perhaps there is work you can do with people who have been through some of the things you've been through. Perhaps you need to tell people your story, stand up for people who may not be able to stand up for themselves. Have you considered public or motivational speaking? Have you considered starting your own business?
If you sent your resume to 500 people and onlue got two responses, then it's possible that there's something wrong with your resume. You will usually see a 5-10 percent response, even if it's just inquiries or asking for more info. I will take a look at your resume if you like.