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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Two days ago I found some pages that my husband wrote and ...

Customer Question

Two days ago I found some pages that my husband wrote and printed off our computer. He has had a pornography problem for as long as I have known him. We have been together for 12 years and we have two children. I have found stuff like this in the past. The differance this time is that the last paragraph of the eight pages was about a son having sex with him mother. All the rest was about he and I, he even named it "My Name" suck it.text I am sick over this and scared as well. I need to know if I should find another place for me and my children to live. He said he is going to get help and I am very happy for him, but he is sick and I am just not sure if my children are in danger. Please help.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-How long you been married or is the 12 years how long you have actually married?

-What are the ages of your childre?

-Are you afraid he will do something to the child?

-Was the pornographics of children?

-Do you want to leave him or just want to make sure the children are safe?


Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
We have been married for 12 years. My daughter is 11 and my son is 12. I do not think he would hurt our children, but I never would have thought he would write somthing so sick either. The porn has never been about kids. This one did not specify what age the son is. It just described a mother and son having sex. Also I had my son in college and he has a different father, but my husband has raised him from two months old until now. My son does not have a relationship with his biological father. We had our daughter together. I do not want to leave, although he does make me sick now. I am sorry I can not spell to save my life. Thanks for trying to answer my question.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Kimberly, I just read your area of study and I think I should also tell you that our daughter has Asperger's Syndrome. She is one of the reasons I would try to stay, she hates change.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

 

Customer

I can understand your fears and the fact that your daughter has Asperger's Syndrome I too have a daughter with this condition and change to children with the condition can be very traumatizing and they tend to panic, I go through this every year with my daughter when she finds out she has to have a new teacher. Do you think you could stay until you see how your husband does with the counseling? I totally understand that you never thought he would write something like this but are you sure he isn't writing about himself? Do you know what kind of childhood he had growing up? What type of people his parents are? The counselor can help him to sort out his feelings and where this kind of thought came from. You need to tell your husband how you feel and be truthful about finding that made you feel this might help him to get help faster and want to find out why he has these kinds of thoughts.

Your daughter may suffer from you leaving but you have to do what is best for you and your children and you have the final say but a child with AS could suffer from such change and may close down her social skills if she hasn't already it could be worse. Like my daughter she is an honor roll student as long as she gets one on one help but when put with many different children she doesn't do well at all. So in your case maybe you should think about staying long enough to see if the counseling helps and if it does indeed help maybe consider couples counseling so that you can possibly deal with what you read and not have such a sickening feeling when you think about what your husband wrote. Also tell your husband that you don't feel comfortable with him looking at or watching porn anymore especially with preteen children.

Ask him what if the children were to get a hold of that material, I don't think your husband can help himself as far as looking at it and the counselor could help him to see that this isn't good or healthy and that it may be an obsession with him. I feel for you because you not only have to think about yourself but you have to think about your children and not alot of people do that so it makes it harder for you to make your decision but I say to give it some time at least allow your husband the time to see a counselor and get some help and if he doesn't change with the counseling then think about a trial separation but you have to explain to your daughter in-depth what is going to happen before you decide to leave though she still might not understand she will know that she will still be with mommy and hopefully still go to the same school. If you decide to move make sure you don't move where she has to change everything in her life keep some things the same like school, friends. One thing you have to ask yourself is if you leave and your husband gets visitation with the kids can you trust that? You said before you know your husband won't harm them in anyway so I'm pretty sure you know your husband better than I do.

Just see how the counseling goes but make sure he gets help soon and doesn't put it off for ANYTHING. After the counseling give it sometime to see if you see change in him then make your decision. If you have anymore question let me know.

 

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you so much. You answered every part of my question and I feel less panicy than before. Is there a way I might be able to ask only you my questions in the future? Thank you so much!
Alicia
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

Alicia,

I'm glad that I was able to help you and yes you can ask for me by name but if I'm not around there are many other great experts but I'm usually on during the day into evening so if you ever need me just ask for Kim. Good Luck to you!

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