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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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why do some guys use women in relationships

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my boyfriend owns a cleaning business. yet he does not pay me enough money for the work. he is using me for the work.we are not married.some people say he is a user.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-What are your ages?

-How long have you been dating him?

-How long have you been working for him?

-Have you told him that you want more money?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
i am 37, he is 47.we been living together for 17 years.i ask him for more money. we had a verbal fight about it.he is insecure about his looks.
Customer

As far as him being insecure you can not help him with that that is something he has to work on himself no one can make us happy if we are not happy within. As far as the money situation have you ever thought about finding another job or are you in business with each other so to speak? If you have been together for 17 years and still he doesn't pay you more money it's more than likely things will not change and it seems he may be set in his way and doesn't want to compromise. Maybe if you find another job that pays what you want to get paid and you aren't around each other so much you could get along better. You seem like you feel unaapreciated and if this is the case I think it's in your best interested to tell him this and tell him that you feel he is only using you for hard labor without the pay.

It's easier to take loved ones for granted because they know that their loved one loves them and doesn't want to hurt them and would take so more than a stranger hired off the street would take, he knows you will not quit because you live together and if he doesn't make money thn your rent won't get paid since you live together. Maybe you could draw up an written agreement asking for more money and see if he will agree to it, if that doesn't work thenmaybe you should think long and hard about finding your own income without having to depend on him to make or break you, this way you will be independ and at the same time contribute to the household income.

He just doens't seem to want to compromise with you in any way and he figures you put up with it for 17 years why change things now. If you have anything to add or still need help click reply.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer

MsChase is one of our top relationship expert would you like for me to ask her to help you also?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Reply to KimberlyF's Post: yes she can help

Hello Norma

I agree with everything that Kin said, people who claim to love us will sometimes take advantage of us, because they know that it will be hard for us to refuse them or turn against their using us. Your original question was 'why do some guys use women in relationships', and the simple answer to that question is, 'because we let them'.

If we spoke out about what a man does, or if we showed him that we would not accept it and that if they are not willing to stop or change, that we would leave, then they might act differently. Have you ever heard the expression "you teach people how to treat you"? We do, we teach them, every time they do something we like and we respond positively, and when they do something we don't like, we react negatively. So it's important to speak up about how you feel or else you cannot say that they knew what your feelings were.

I too suggest that you talk to him about how much you make. Although you have been doing this for a long time, and it may be scary to step outside of this comfort zone, you have to put yourself in a position to want to do more, and to want to be more, and if he's not willing to support you in this, then you may have to think about leaving him...whether you leave the job, or the relationship is totally up to you and what you expect out of both.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Chase