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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I would like to know about my girlfriend

Customer Question

i would like to know what is wrong with my girlfriend. she has been cold, standoffish, and distant with me. I believe i know as to why, but i would like to know how to make this better.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello,

When did it start?

Can you tell me why you think she is acting this way?

What are you ages?

How long have you been together?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you for your response.
I am 29 will be 30 in July. She is 28 and will turn 29 in beginning of Sept.
This all started when I started getting depressed with some outer issues i have going on. It had nothing to do with her or us, but it kept bringing me down and it began to spill over onto us. I started letting some of my insecurities show through.
This has been going on four about a month and she lives 3 hours from me. We saw each other this past weekend. On Friday it looked like something was bothering her so i asked what was wrong and she said she was just tired. I felt like it was more and i asked again and again she said nothing was wrong. I was upset because i thought she was hiding something so it led into an arguement.
Saturday was good until Saturday night when she had a headache that she said was from stress. I asked her what the stress was from and she said she wanted to just relaxe but I wanted to know so i kept asking and it led to this long discussion, not a fight but a long talk.
Since then she has been unstable with me. One minute she is warm and open and the next she is cold, distant, and seems standoffish.
I have been in a good mood talking to her the past couple days, trying to bring her up, we haven't talked about feelings or about us just normal stuff, and I thought that was a good thing to do to begin to right the ship.
Today however she is being distant, and i was thinking everything went good over the phone last night, we had a good conversation.
I just want to know how to make this better. The past couple days I have not gotten a hold of her first. If she contacts me I respond or answer, otherwise i have been leaving her alone because i figured that is what she wants right now.
We have been together going on 3 months. If you need more information, please let me know.
Thank you
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello

Thank you for that additional info. It's a little difficult to ascertain which one of you may be at fault here or if either of you are at fault....let me explain. On one hand, if she says that she is just tired, then maybe she is just tired. If you persist in asking and asking again and again, and she really is just tires, it makes you look unstable. If she is hiding something, then you could be picking up on that and it's driving you to be persistent. There is also a third possibility, that there isn't anything wrong, but that its her personality to keep you on your toes and you are responding to that, basically meaning that your personalities are clashing. Sometimes when a person wants attention, they act a little funny, or they say, I'm tired, or I have a headache, to get that little extra attention. The same goes for someone who is cold one minute and warm the next, it can be attention seeking behavior. Theres always the possibility that there's another issue (or person) involved. That she has something going on in her life, or someone else in her life and thats making it hard for her to deal with things, hence the stress and strange behavior. There's really no way to know unless she is straight out with you. Then again, it could be nothing, but being tired, and having a headache. You have to look at your relationship with her and balance it out based on what you know about her, and how your relationship has gone.

I think that letting her reach out to you like you have has been good, it kind of puts the ball in her court. You can also make sure that when you are on the phone, that you get off the phone first, this kind of puts her off balance, just enough to think about why you're so busy, and perhaps want to talk to you more. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more or have any questions about what I've said.

Chase

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