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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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im having a problem he now says he want to go join

Customer Question

i'm having a problem he now says he want to go join the army but he can't go because its not right and he's making a mistake and he saying he don't have benefits or retirement money for his son in case he dies his parents die and didnt give eric nothing only bill. He has a heart problem he won't make it past the physical. Now he changing his words and he told me has too many flaws in his life and he telling me that I don't want him hes no good for me he says. I don't know what to do. He wants me to remember him by me going back to college for him. I don't know what to do I don't know if he really loves him as a girlfriend even though we're friends. He keeps telling me to relax and not worry. How can I when he knows I will have a fit or heart attack he thinks.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hi Piggie, nice to see you again, thank you for requesting me.

Well, I know you won't have a fit or a heart attack, you have to remember to not listen/worry when he says all those things. Let him know you are a big girl and can make your own decisions. If he's never done anything bad to you, then ask him how he's no good for you. Do you feel that way?

Chase

Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: he told me he has too many flaws He can't explain and he wants to have discipline for going to the army and hes too lazy and he told me he has nothing and I told him you have me but he ask me what about you end up with what and he told me he never did anything bad to me he thinks of himself, his son and his 3 cars and he don't mention anything about me. But he thinks joining the army is going to bring him closer to his son and he told me he would be in virginia close to his son unless he's deployed but my friend thinks like me army is not right for me and he's not going to be in virginia he will be somewhere. Please help me I don't know what to do I don't know if he loves me or likes or wants me to be his girlfriend or he's saying just to hurt me I know he cares for me but what as a friend or girlfriend. I'm confused and losing my mind. I can't concentrate or eat anymore and I'm very tired.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Oh Piggie, I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way. The problem is, he has to make sense out of his life. In order to feel happy with life, he has to feel happy with himself, and in order for him to feel happy with himself, he has to feel like he's accomplishing something and making something out of himself.....for him, his son, even you. He's trying to push you away because he feels like he has nothing to offer you. Like I told you last time we talked that you have to be patient and supportive of him. You have to stay positive, and be happy on your end. This is something he has to work on himself, and figure out what his direction is, not just for himself but for his son, and even you.

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Now he telling me that he was miserable alone before and now and I told him how are you going to react with your son it will be the same thing he don't knnow he wants to go to army for discipline and stability and he thinks the army will pay for something what do you think you think him going to the army is a good thing nothing can change his mind do you think he loves me that's why he's pushing me away he told me he still call me and talk to me. I'm still confused
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
please help me
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
help
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Its not easy. I personally dont agree with going into the service as we are at war right now and there's no telling if he will have control over where he will be, he probably won't. If he has heart problems it is doubtful that they will accept him. There are many people who have gotten a lot out of the military, money, status, travelling, but it's really something he has to think about before making a decision. As I told you before, I do think he cares about you, and he's trying not to hurt you.

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
he made his decision by going to the army nothing or no one will change his mind everyone keeps telling him he won't listen and it hurts me as much as to see him go and he told me i will be fine once he leaves no I won't. I'm in a terrible phase I can't sleep or think or eat and he asking why i didn't sleep last nite I told him I couldn't for the last two days so he goes ok I didn't tell him the reason why he wanted to know why. Please help me.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
please help me
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
You think if i stop worrying and be relaxed he will come to his senses and be with me and be my boyfriend if I learned to handle and not worry too much that he will be my boyfriend then wait for him to call me when he say he will. Do you think that shows he loves me and wants to be with me if I changed not let him think I'm moving too fast on him
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

I think that he is making decisions to try and make a better life for himself, even if it means doing something he doesn't really want to do. For some reason he doesn't think you can handle it, maybe its something your are saying or doing thats making him think this, so you have to decide if you want to be calm and upbeat abut things or make him think you can't handle it. I know you don't want him to go to the military, but he's his own man and has to make the decision of what he feels is best. Obviously he has some sort of attachment to you, he calls you, he cares what you think, he stays in touch with you, right?

Chase

Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
i recently talk to my ex and he told me eric might have to go to baghdad but my ex was in ther army long time ago unless the army changed now but do you think if I leave eric alone and learn to relax and not have a heart attack he will come back to me and become my boyfriend and not rush anything and turned him off do you think he will change himself and love me
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

It sounds like he cares for you and that he worries about you. Being supportive is important and acknowledging his wants and needs, but also expressing yours. He's making a hard decision, as you said he doesn't want to join the service, so this is something he is doing because he feel he has to, this probably upsets him and can even make him angry. He's pushing you away because he doesnt want to hurt you, or maybe even feel obligated to you right now.

chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: Do you think its accurate what you say is true that he does want to be with me but he don't want to hurt me so he's pushing me away

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