How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Lindie Your Own Question

Lindie, Parent
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5490
Experience:  Parent/Step Mother: With 20+ years experience.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Lindie is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Am I being selfish by not paying rent

Resolved Question:

I have been engaged since Dec 2006 to Steve. I moved into the home that he owns and is still paying on. He is in debt with student loans and pays homeowner dues monthly, along with other common bills. I have my own bills which consist of past medical bills when I got sick, student loans and credit card debt, I have never asked him to help me pay those bills or ever asked him for cash. Just recently I had a conversation with my mother who thinks I should hold off on the wedding because he has debt and bad credit, my friends also agree on this. Everytime I talk to Steve about finances and have mentioned to him what my friends and mother think (bad idea to tell him?) he says, "You live here rent-free and have helped me very little with finances." I make substanially less money than he does and I feel that it's not right to "pay-rent" to my future husband. I take care of my own bills, I thought that was enough. What do you think is fair? I pay for groceries every single week and cook also.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Lindie replied 8 years ago.


When it comes to who pays what, it really depends upon you both and what you both feel is good between you both. If you have been there for rent free, obviously he knows you make less etc. if he has a problem with that, then he would have said something from the start.

At this point, you're not married, so yes you are living there. If you both break up, you're not going to get anything out of the house as if you were married. So if he is fine with you staying there and not paying rent so to speak, then it's fine.

There are couples that the man pays for more, because he makes more. And the lady buys the foods, cooks, cleans along with buying laundry soap, bath soap etc. And then there are couples that pay everything 50/50.

So it's not really what someone else thinks is fair, it's what you and your boyfriend feel is fair. If you both have been living together all this time, the debt is still going to be there if you are married or not. If you both are serious, maybe you both can sit down and try and work together.. get the smallest bill and you both pay a little extra each month until it's paid off and work your way down until you get the bills caught up.

So although the advice you got from Mom and friends is good.. it's your life and you need to talk with your boyfriend and agree on this together. As you will be living in your situation every day, not them.

Hope this helps, and gives you some things to think about. If you need anything else please feel free to ask. If you found this helpful don't forget to click the *ACCEPT* button and please take a moment to leave me *POSITIVE* feedback.



Lindie, Parent
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5490
Experience: Parent/Step Mother: With 20+ years experience.
Lindie and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Previous | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

  • Kate McCoy

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Ms Chase's Avatar

    Ms Chase

    Life Coach

    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
  • Alicia_MSW's Avatar



    Satisfied Customers:

    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • Suzanne's Avatar


    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

Related Relationship Questions