I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling, may I aks you a few questions?
Did you talk to her about how you feel? If so what was her response?
Why haven't you broken it off, is it because of the children, or are there other reasons?
What are your ages?
thank you for that additional info. At this point, there's no sense in pointing fingers or deciding who to blame. With that said, there's nothing wrong with wanting a full and passionate sex life. Keeping in mind that sex does get boring and ordinary after being in a relationship for a long time, and it takes both people to be willing to put more into it to make it exciting and passionate, but it's not something that can be done by one person, both people have to be willing to put everything into it and make it attractive and exciting for both. This takes commitment. When someone says they do not enjoy sex anymore, the question would be, why don't they enjoy it anymore? If your heart was not in the relationship, it's possible that you caused damage to the relationship that could have caused this reaction. At this point, if you are saying it's too late, then there's nothing to do but to put your cards on the table and let her know that ...unfortunately, there's just no easy way to do it.
I understand how you feel about not wanting to hurt the kids, and believe it or not, it is possible to do this without causing too much damage. Of course they will be hurt, and most of all they will be hurt, and feel guilty. Children always think that the reason this is happening is because of something they did, that they are in some way causing you to leave. So it will be important that you and your wife are on the same page about what to tell the children. Neither of you should bad mouth the other, and should respect each other at the very least when with and around the children. Let the children know this is not their fault at all and that you will always be there dad, and be there for them. It's important not to introduce other partners to your children for a good amount of time, and to always keep your word to them, as you will be under their scrutiny for a long time to prove you haven't changed and will still treat them the same way. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more., I'm here anytime.
Mark, you're very welcome. I'm glad to be able to help.
Honestly, if I knew of a way that could cause less hurt, I would be a millionaire. There's just no way to make it other than what it is. It's possible that she things that the counseling helped and that things are much better now, but the fact is, you are not feeling that. You can continue to go on like this isn't bothering you, but the fact is, you have to decide, if you want to stay or if you want to go. If you want to go, there's no good time and there's no good way, you just have to make the decision and do it. If you know that you are not interested in working it out, saying that you want to separate is a waste because it gives her the impression that you will work on things. If you think you might want to work things out then a separation would be good. You won't have an abandonment problem as long as you visit your kids and still handle your responsibility. If she wants to go out too, that's fine, you can share custody of the kids which will give both of you free time. It won't be good for either of you to introduce the children to anyone new for a long time. I know family plans have been made, but there just is no good way or time to bring it up, you may ask well bring it up tomorrow as to bring it up in 4 months.....the result is going to be the same, but the longer you wait, the harder it's going to get. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.