Hello and welcome to Just Answer,
If you could answer a couple questions so I can get a better understanding of the situation that would be helpful.
How long have you been married?
How many times have they texted, talked etc?
How did you find out?
What have they said when you asked them about it?
Has there been any changes in your husbands behavior....any other issues in the relationship?
Please answer the questions as fully as you can....if you feel uncomfortable with any of the questions please feel free to not answer them, I am just trying to get a full understanding of the relationship.
Sounds like you do have some issues with trust..........which is completely natural. The reality is a lot of people cheat, the saddest fact is they hurt those they love the most for a simple gratification. I wish I had a crystal ball here, and I could tell you wither he is scum of the earth or he is your prince charming.........but hey life doesn't work that way. (As much as we all wished it would).
The reality is there are some questionable details in all this. While phone calls and texts is not a guarantee that there is something going on........the fact that he did not mention it and when it was brought out he acted like it was no big deal would be enough for most anyone to question this.
Him venting to her is not cool....she is your friend and as such he should have known better then to allow it. On the flip side, as your friend she should have told him to talk to you. The reality is he may be perfectly innocent, but some of his actions are questionable at best.
Why would he go to her office after you asked him not to?
Why would he not mention speaking to her this much.....if this was a issue of once in a while it may have slipped his mind. But that must talking should have came out before now........so the question is was he trying to hide it? If so is it because he knew what he was doing was wrong.....or was it because he did not think about it?
Why would he want to go partying with her instead of you? Does he often party with other people? If so then this may not be a big issue.....but the fact is she is your friend and as such this would and should have been something you were invited to.
The happiness could be a simple matter that he likes her as a friend.......the fact is sometimes us guys tend to grasp onto anyone who pays us much attention. If we feel like someone wants to talk to us and pay attention to us, sometimes we will jump on th chance....so this is not a guarantee. The hug thing could be a issue.....depending on his personality. Does he hug other people often? Such as family members, friends, you? If not then this does not look so great on his part.....what kind of hug is it? Does he linger, place his hands in areas that they should not be? If so this is a issue.
At this point you have a couple of issues, one boils down to trust (Which may not be so easy for you). If you trust him then sit down and talk with him. Make a list out of the things that happened and your issues with them. Let him know why they bothered you and how you want him to act in the future. If you want the relationship to end, then be honest. While I do not believe in giving ultimatums, if this is a breaking point for you then you need to be honest and upfront from the get go. Let him know what you want and what you need.
Your other option is to walk away........if you really believe he is cheating then you must do what you feel is right. I can not tell you what to do.....but life is way to short to allow someone to treat you with disrespect. If this marriage is going to work, you both must sit down and talk about this.....let him know that this is a serious issue and one that could end your marriage if he is not honest with you. Let him know what you need and let him know how important this is for you.
As for your friend, I would suggest sitting down with her as well. Let her know how you feel and ask for her honesty in the issue. Let her know that if her man was cheating on her you would women up and tell her, and you would hope in the spirit of all that you have shared that she would be honest with you. If she claims nothing happened explain to her how this all made you feel and ask her to please end the relationship with him if that is what you want. Ask her to cease communicating with your husband. If she is being honest, she will do this. As a women she understands what this feels like so do not underestimate her......if there is no relationship there she will step back as a courteous. If not either she was not being so honest.........or she is one of those vindictive women. Either way if this is the case, better to know now how she is and end the friendship then to go on and find out later.
I know this is hard.........and I wish I had some easy answers for you. The reality is if he is being dishonest with you he will continue to do so. If he is being honest and loves you then ending this friendship should not be a big issue for him.
It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and know how important it is not to jump to conclusions. As far as the bar issue, that is a very common thing. When you are in a marriage, your vows say to put the other before all others. Sadly some people do not take that vow very seriously.....a marriage is about give and take. When you are married, if a action causes the other spouse pain it should stop, regardless of what it is. To many married couples, feel it is all about them. No you should not allow someone to control you...........but neither should you blow off the other spouses feelings simply because of something you want.
Marriage is about making sacrafices.......sometimes you learn those sacrifices are to much and the relationship ends. Others learn that the relationship is worth far more then the sacrifices. The difference is knowing when the sacrifice is needed and when it is to much. Asking him to end this friendship is not to much.....based on the issues at hand you would not be asking to much.
If you feel that this is to much for him to accept, try talking to her. Let her know how this makes you feel and ask her to step back. If she is a true friend she will..........
As far as the new evidence, if he does not know you know then you must tell him. Sit down and ask him why he went back after what he said. Let him know that you are not trying to end a friendship but this is a big issue for you.
I would also suggest marriage counseling.........I know the first feeling is "Yuck" but the reality is relationship counseling has come a long way in the last few years. It is not about determining who is right and who is wrong. Its a outlet that you both can constructively explain and talk about the things wrong in the relationship without the need to argue. Your counselor can help you explain how you feel and how this is effecting your relationship. She or he can also help your husband explain what is going on so you both can come to a agreement on tis situation. Please do not underestimate the situation.....a counselor can help a lot in this situation.