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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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My partner doesnt want more children

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My partner and I have been together for 6 years. I have a daughter from a previous relationship who he has raised as his own. We had always spoken of getting married and having more children and I had always made it clear that this was what I wanted from life. He announced last year that he did not want to get married or have any children. I was devestated and decided to leave. He begged me to stay and give him time but he is now adamant that he will not have a child. I don''t know what to do. I don''t want to leave him but the desire for a child is eating me up and causing problems in our relationship.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-What are your ages?

-Did or do you live together?

-Does he get along with your daughter?

-Have you told him how much you desire a child?


Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
We are together 6 years, living together for 5. He adores my daughter and she adores him. Her biological dad is not involved so he is her dad for all intents and purposes.
We are both 26 in autumn. I have explained to him my desire for a child and how much it affects me and my reasons for wanting another child. His reasons for not wanting one are that he feels our social life (which has picked back up since my daughter got older) will suffer, I suffered from post natal depression after my daughter and financial reasons.He doesn't feel that the benefits outweigh the negatives.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
Customer

Maybe you both can compromise ask him if you give him a year or so will he at least think about it, you are both young yet and he probably doesn't want to feel tied down and feels he won't be able to do anything socially because he will have to devote his energies to the child. Men when they are younger don't want to give up the social life but as they get older some change their minds and mature more and want more out of life beside the social scene. If he loves you he will come around there is no reason to leave right now give him some time and then ask again he might change his mind but until then give it some time you have a good 15 or so years before your biological clocks starts running out and even some women have had children pass the age of 40 so it's never too late. Does your need for a child out weigh your love for him? If the answer to that is no then why lose that love when he could change his mind later.

If he did a great job with your daughter then you already know he will be a great father to a child that the two of you might have, and maybe he wants to be that great father also and knows that he isn't ready for that right now. He helped you raise your daughter and maybe he just thinks this is his time to have fun for the years spent helping raise your daughter, the question is do you think he deserves that time to have fun? Maybe explain to him that his social life won't have to end and that the both of you have family that can help with the baby and if your daughter is old enough also she can help with the baby also. Tell him that you will give him some time to think about everything and that he should really think about if losing you would be worth it to him? Communication is key right now and compromise one of you are going to have to be willing to bend a little bit in order to keep your relationship going or else you will only grow apart.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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