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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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My boyfriend of 2 and a half years is questioning whether ...

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My boyfriend of 2 and a half years is questioning whether or not he wants to be with me... he's pulling away, he barely talks to me and when I do see him, he is distant and unaffectionate. He says he needs time to think and space. He said he has enjoyed being by himself without me lately and wants more time alone. He said he doesn't want to lead me on. Is there a chance to get him back or is it over?? How do I get him to love me again?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Niki

Do you live together?

What are your ages?

Has there been any other issues in the relationship?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: I am 32, he is 25. We've had ups and downs for the 2 and a half years. We do not live together. He doesn't want to. I just recently got divorced... I was seperated while with him. We went through some major rough patches. There have been other girls I found out he talked to, we went through an abortion together, and have been stressed getting through the divorce and my housing situation. Now that I'm ready, he's not sure how he feels about me. He said he needs to get his life in order and doesn't want to lead me on and has enjoyed time without me. He said he doesn't know if he wants me or not... ?? I just want to move forward and make it work.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Niki,

It sounds like now that being together formally is a reality, he's getting cold feet. I realize that the two of you have been through a lot together, but you can't make someone feel a certain way. Either he has love for you or he doesn't, or he's just really scared right now at the prospect of things getting serious. Maybe he thinks that you'll want to get married, or that things will get more serious than what you already have. I know you say that you want to move forward, but it seems as if he's trying to move in the opposite direction, and the more you pull, the more he's going to pull away. The question is if you feel whether he is really serious about what he's saying or if you think he just needs some time to himself. If someone really cares about you, you won't have to ask, they will show it in the things they do. Honestly, it sounds like he's telling you flat out how he feels, but I would give it time to get him used to you being single, and seeing that things won't change and he may come around. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: He said he's been miserable in our relationship and is hesitant and skeptical to try again. I guess my only hope is that he gives me a chance and doesn't enjoy single life and find someone else. ? I agree I have to stop pushing so he stops pulling away.
Thank you! :)
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Niki,

It's no problem. Sometimes things are hard, and you need to take a breather. Hopefully he will see that going through hard times together can make the relationship stronger sometimes. Life is not perfect no matter who you are with. I'm here if you want to talk more.

Chase

 

Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 4 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
So I've been spent some time with my "boyfriend" today - although he doesn't want labels anymore. And he said he's not sure if he wants to be single or not... because it'd be easier to make decisions about his life if he were single than in a relationship with me. He's putting up all this distance between us and things felt real awkward between us today. He said he cares about me but isn't sure if a relationship would work anymore. He said there's too much bad things in the past that are making him uneasy. And he needs time to figure it out. So what do I do?? I want him to be with me again, but I don't want to push him away. But if I stay away too much, it'll be easier for him to leave... so now what?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

I think that when people say its easier for them to be single, so they can make decisions about their life, thats just an excuse. It's not a real reason for not being with someone, it's an excuse you give them when you don't want to be with them. If you have life decisions to make , and you truly love someone, then it's not a problem to have you in their life, in fact it's usually better to have their support. Perhaps he is worried about the things that happened in the past between you, or like I said earlier, perhaps he is getting cold feet because now you are truly free to do what you want without any ties. I think giving it a little time is a good idea, keep in touch, but don't pressure him about it. It's not going to be easy, but if you don't give him space, you'll lose him anyway. You know him best, XXXXX XXXXX many ways, I think you know how he really feels, but are not willing to accept it at this time. Maybe I'm wrong, but you have to be honest with yourself, and that will help you figure out what your next move should be. You don't want to focus on someone who is not willing to put their time, energy and love into you. You've just come through your divorce, and things are going to be very emotional for you. Maybe a little time alone would be a good thing, to help you focus. If he sees that you are taking advantage of your time alone to do some good things for yourself and make your own life better, things may change about how he feels. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Chase

Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 4 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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