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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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When will sex be enjoyable

Customer Question

I am recently married. I have never had sex before then. I expected having sex for the first time (and a few times after that) would be uncomfotable and hurt...but after a week, it is still uncomfortable (no pleasure whatsoever). Even when I am well lubricated, it feels uncomfotable...I can feel pressure inside me and sometimes it feels sort of like when I''m getting a pap smear. The only time it felt good, was when my husband was pleasuring me with his fingers (before he went in) to the point when I almost had an orgasim, then he went inside, but still had to pleasure me with his fingers while we had sex. This methods seems to work, but is awkward for my husband to rotate his hand in the angle to pleasure me. We''ve tried other positions, but nothing seems to help. I feel like there is something wrong with me....
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Hello rrr

What is your age?

Have you ever used a vibrator?

Is it painful or is it you are just not feeling pleasure?

Have you had an orgasm before? if so, how?


Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: I am 23.

I have never used a vibrator, my husband doesn't want to use one...he says he wants to keep it "natural."

If I'm not lubricated enough, then it's painful. Depending on the position, sometimes the pressure inside me feels the same as a pap smear. Otherwise, when it doesn't hurt or feel unconfortable, I feel no pleasure.

I have. When my husband fingers my clit or if I use a shower head.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.


You may want to have your husband read this as well. People have always thought that a woman's body should work like a man's body works, but over time and through research it has been shown that it doesn't. A man can have an orgasm simply from friction, but for a woman, research has shown that most (not some....most) women cannot have an orgasm from penetration alone. They must be stimulated by penetration and clitoral stimulation at the same time. If you are finding that it feels better when he touches you there and penetrates you, then you may be one of these women. In this case, a vibrator is the best choice, or you can stimulate yourself, while he penetrates you, but your hand can get tired or crampy, especially in certain positions.

Many men can be intimidated by a vibrator, thinking that you may start to enjoy the vibrator more than them. Especially if the vibrator is large and/or shaped like a penis, it can make them feel like they are not enough. The good thing is that a vibrator can come in many shapes and sizes, and doesn't even need to be shaped like a penis. Some of them are shaped like balls, bullets, some even fit over your finger. In fact the condom maker, Trojan makes something called a vibrating touch, that slips right on your fingertip. Maybe he won't feel so bad about that one.

The thing is, we can't control really how our body responds to stimulus, especially when it comes to sex, thats why so many people have problems in that department. He has to understand that what is 'natural', is doing whatever it takes to pleasure you, so that the experience is something both of you can enjoy and get pleasure out of. That can only make your bond stronger, your marriage stronger, and the sex much better. Between the lubrication and the either manual or or vibrator stimulation it will become easier and easier to have an orgasm.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more



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