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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I am a 50 year old gay white single male. I have a very ...

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I am a 50 year old gay white single male. I have a very close friendship with a single male who is only 20, almost 21 and we are the best of friends. We hang out 5 of the 7 days a week and he and I sleep in my bed those 5 nights. I find his sexual orientation to be very ambiguous. Sometimes we hug and say "I love you" to each other and even have joked around about sex with each other. I would like to know if you recommend that I try to clarify the extent that my young friend sees our relationship going. Sometimes he states "I am straight as an arrow and even if I was gay I would like a guy close to my age. Yet he likes me enough to spend all this time with me and sleep next to me in my bed those 5 nights a week. Is this an uncommon bond we have formed? And do you recommend having a "heart to heart" about where, if anywhere our relationship is heading? I think we should just take a "wait and see" attitude, we are planning a trip to California from the East Coast together later this year
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Stone

Where did the two of you meet?

How long have you been friends?

Has he ever been intimate with a man? a woman?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: We met through my neighbor. (He used to be a close friend of the young son (21) next door but is not as close to him now. We met as aquaintances 3 years ago yet have only been close friends for 3 1/2 months. He asked me to spend a day with him in February of this year and seems to be very sentimental towards me, calling me every day and referring to me as "Uncle Jim" and a "great dude". I truly love him very much. (Forgot to say he has been intimate with 4 females and no males)
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Jim,

It's possible he does have a curiosity about your lifestyle. It's also possible that he hungers for a male role model. Either way, I know it's flattering to have him around you, for either reason. You have to be careful and make sure that he knows what he wants, and for that reason I think that you are right, it might be better to take a wait and see attitude so that the friendship itself doesn't get affected. If he's attracted to you, then time will show and he will grow more affectionate as time goes on, and eventually those feelings will manifest on their own. If he's looking more toward you as a father figure then you don't wan to ruin that either as it could still be a rich and rewarding relationship as well. If you are only interested in being with him as a lover, you will have to decide if you can be friends with him if he's not willing to be that....and if not, consider cutting ties or slowing down on spending a lot of time together. At the moment, spending time together is ok, as long as you're not feeling like he's taking advantage of you or leading you on. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Warmly,

Chase

Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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