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Ask Ms Chase Your Own Question

Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Why do I continue to avoid responsibility and

Customer Question

Why do I continue to avoid responsibility and avoid my task at work. After 50 some years I continue to loose jobs and right before I loose them I go to work only to find out too little too late. i feel like I am bound and tied up inside. I will fale if I try, psychologically I feel insecure to try anything and if I wait long enough my dad, teachers, boss''s, and children will forget I was supposed to do something. It''s like I am bound to do any work until the very last second, then maybe, just maybe they will forget. The guilt and shame I can not take any longer. Please, any suggestions?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Hello Larry,

What have your therapists had to say about it?

Were you this way as a child? or do you remember when it started?


Customer: replied 8 years ago.

This behavior became more frequent when I started school. Recently I was diognosed with ADD. My father was relentless ever since I could remember about me doing work around the house for him. It was always the wrong way and never good enough. He would never thank me or appreciate any thing I did do for him. Oh, he was a hi functioning alcoholic, and a very mean one at that.


My therapist says I need to erase over my old tapes. I feel so defeated before I start something that I wind up quitting everything before I complete it. My therapist feels my father is still getting in the way, (no kidding, I already know that).

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Hi Larry,

For starters, you shouldn't take ownership of what you feel is wrong. For example, calling yourself 'Customer'. The first step in changing is knowing that you want to change and taking steps to change it. Yes, it's very likely that your fathers past behavior still controls you. Do you have contact with your father now?

Was there any suggestion of medication to deal with the ADD?


Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post:

Medications, lexapro, aderall.

Still have contact with Father although I now live 1000 miles away and have for past 25 years. I have forgiven my father, mentaly he can not help himself. He stills thinks he did a good job raising his children. I have 2 sisters, 1 older, 1younger. I got the worst.

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Hello Larry,

One of the first things you want to do is to talk to your doctor and let him know that you're still experiencing these problems. It may be an issue of adjusting your medication. You can set up small goals for yourself, and try completing those goals. I suspect that you are not used to the feeling of accomplishment, and that you may feel the same way people feel who procrastinate.

Look over the following websites regarding procrastination, particularly this one. See if you feel comfortable following the advise she gives about getting more organized, writing down important tasks and setting up your own deadlines.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more


Customer: replied 8 years ago.

Thanks Ms Chase, it wasn't even easy for me to even answer this task. I really need help. I will try and go forward, it will be hard to really commit to improving this situation for me. I'm at the point of just praying but that in itself almost turns over the task of someone else's job and not mine. I'm still feeling helpless with this problem.

Thank you. I can't expect you to diagnose, treat, and relieve me of a life of hell for $15.00. Thank you!

"Will try Will"

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Hello Will (smile)

One of the things I want you to remember is that nothing happens overnight. Thats a big part of procrastinating, or even giving up.....if it doesn't go right the first time, then "oh well, its never going to work". You have to give yourself some time, and patience to get through it one step at a time. If you set up a goal and can't make it, then just set up another an try again. You didn't get this way overnight, so it's not going to pass overnight. There's nothing wrong with praying, but when you pray, pray that your role in this world be made clear, that you have the strength to be true to yourself and to seek knowledge about your present condition. You can talk to me anytime, I have quite a few clients that I deal with on a regular basis, and that I talk to for weeks and months at a time, so if you need to talk, I'm here. If you need strength, I can help as much as I can. One step at a time is what it takes, your life can change at anytime, even as you are reading these words, you can make a decision to do things differently in your life. It's up to you Larry. I believe you have more strength than you know, you just have to learn to tap into it. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.


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