HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer:
Your son is just going to have to trust his girlfriend and hope that she doesn't step out on him while he does the 20 days. 20 days is not a long time to do compared to the time he could have gotten. You could tell him that you will keep an eye on the girlfriend while he is away and inform him of anything she doesn't wrong but that isn't very fair to the relationship because it should be built on trust and honesty and communication. Your son should talk to his girlfriend and tell her his concerns if they truly love each other she will listen and reassure him herself. You don't want any hard feelings between you and the girlfriend and if you are his watch dog that could cause a problem, so you are best to stay out of the relationship aspect and just listen to your son and give him your words of encouragement and wisdom. Really until he has concrete proof he is going to have to try and trust her.
Thank you again for trusting me with your problem.
You told your son your honest opinion without sounding pushy and that is all he could expect from you and if you were pushy it would probably make him want this woman even more. He has to find out on his own how she is and you are right she may be doing this for attention or maybe she feels insecure within herself to trust that your son is the right person for her and if things don't work out she may be the type that doesn't like to be alone for a long period of time and this is why she likes to have backup but if this is truly the way she feelings and this is hypothetically speaking then she will never truly be happy with anyone because she will be always be waiting for things to go wrong. Both men and women both flirt sometimes even when they have that someone special in their life mostly they just want to know they still have it in them to get someone else to be attracted to them.
Your son will appreciate your honesty and support, also you're right if she does cheat on him while he is gone then he will know that she wasn't meant for him in the first place and there are other women out there that will appreciate a man like him. It's not always about age it's about the maturity and this woman doesn't sound too mature if she is still looking for attention in other men. Just be there for your son and show him that someone is on his side especially while he is incarcerated he will need emotional support during that time. You will also see this woman's true colors while he is away if she stays loyal to your son then maybe she truly does love him and if she doesn't he will know she just wasn't the one.
Just saying be cool will not stop him from having the thoughts, what he has to realize that if he doesn't trust her this will push her away and bring alot of drama to the relationship. Maybe while he is incarcerated he could talk to someone in there a counselor or a clergyman within the jail they will help him to possibly deal with some things that over take him. He has to want to help himself and stop having jealous thoughts. Although she may give him reasons to feel that way it can be overcame it is a process and part of the process is when he gets thoughts of jealousy have him think about how much he cares about her and if he wants it to last he will have to have trust that she isn't doing anything wrong, until he has proof he will have to try and trust her.
Like you said it isn't like he is going far away and she can go visit him but the question is will she? This too can be a sign if she doesn't go to see him while he is doing his time then that too could mean she doesn't care about him the way she claims. Your son can't just base his relationship on his 20 day stay in jail he has to see the bigger picture although this will be a test for the relationship. All I can say is as hard as it is you have to let your child(ren) make their own mistakes and learn from them and pick up the pieces if the fall part.
Yes counseling may do him some good but he has to want to go or at least agree to go. He has been through so much loss this could be the reason for all of his insecurities which is also understandable but that is where counseling could really help him alot and help him to have more of a positive attitude about relationships and loving someone. You stepping in when he lost his mother and only sibling was an unselfish thing to do and you should be commended for it. As far as Erika coming to stay with you while he is gone it's totally up to you if you truly want to help in that way and she agrees then so be it and also this way if she stays with you she knows that if she does anything wrong you may be pushed to tell the boyfriend which in a way would be doing him a favor but still their relationship has to be able to withstand them being apart without fear that the other is going to cheat or leave. It almost sounds like they both need to have couples counseling so that Erika too can find out why she is seeking so much attention from the opposite sex.
She may have some deep wounds that she hasn't reveal to anyone yet but you won't know until she is ready to be honest with not only herself but your son also. You could suggest this to both of them that when your son gets home from his incarceration they consider some type of couples counseling.
Maybe he can talk to a school counselor or his clergyman if he has one, he can not do this alone right now it is too hard for him with everything he has going on. If she has moved out I think he should realize that she has made her choice for now. Harping on it will only send him deeper and deeper into depression. As long as he stays depressed things will get worse and he may eventually start not caring about work or school if you do not get him the help he needs. Also a Doctor could diagnose if he is depressed and possibly prescribe some medication for him, I just don't think he can go on this way and keep a clear mind. He has to see that this girl is not worth it and that she has issues of her own she needs to deal with but will probably not.
Your son should take this time to keep himself very busy and put himself into his work and school and be around friends and people he cares about him because if he doesn't stay busy then all he will think about is Erika and what he did wrong to make her leave when it could have very well been her issues that made her leave. Her insecurities has made her feel like she needs all of this attention and she is not ready for a serious relationship because she is still in an immature state of mind. Your son is only 18 years old and this is the time he should be having fun in college with friends and school but instead he consumed his time with Erika and he needs to find himself again.
You are going to have to be there for him now more than ever since she has moved out but he should really think about seeking counseling before he slips into a crippling depression, tell him you think it is best that he finds counseling because you do not want him to get so depressed that work and school suffers behind it.