HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:
-How long have you been together?
-What are your ages?
-What are the ages of the children?
-Can you get custody of the children?
-Is the ex on any kind of medication for depression?-Could you explain your situation a little more?Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.
I think the counseling will be good for you as a family to be able to cope with the pressure the ex wife puts on you. Your boyfriend is just going to have to put his foot down as far as the ex wife is concerned because she is just that THE EX WIFE! You are his future and if you want a future without all of the stress your boyfriend has to make his ex be stronger and not depend on him anymore his only concern is the children now. Make her abide by what she said as far as 50/50 when she asks him to take them his answer should be no find a babysitter or a family member to watch them he doesn't have to take them whenever she get fed up with them.
Your boyfriend has allowed himself to be her crutch for too long now and if you want to have a happy relationship without fighting over her and her needs then you will have to tell him that you will not take this anymore either he put your needs ahead of his exes needs then your relationship is always going to be stressed. The ex seems like an attention seeker and that the threats are just that threats so that he will feel bad and bend over backwards for her, if he shows her that he isn't going to do that anymore then she will realize that he is not her meal ticket or her way of getting rid of her responsibilities(meaning HER children). Maybe you should have a talk with the ex wife one on one and tell her that the only reason she should talk to your boyfriend is if something is wrong with the children and that your boyfriend is no longer any of her concern.
Suggest that your boyfriend allow you to answer the phone when it is her so that he won't feel bad and give into to her demands. If you don't make the ex stand on her own two feet then you will always be her crutch and you don't want that for the rest of your life or until their children are 18 and on their own. Stand your ground as far as this is concern she will get tired of talking to you and not bother you anymore. Just keep communications open for the children sake but not for her own selfish gains. Good luck and if you still need me I am here.