I'm sorry to hear about your dad, no one should ever have to miss their parents funeral like that, it's very unfair and I can't imagine how badly that must have hurt you. I don't know what your beliefs are, but I believe that if you want, you can talk to your father in your prayers, he's available to talk to you anytime you want. I'm sure that he is missing you and loving you like he always did. People get very personal when it comes to funerals, and even though you have your reasons for not going, which are understandable, he seems to be holding on to the fact that you didn't go.
You've stayed with this man for a very long time and he's pretty much shown you that he's not willing to be a helpful, loving part of your life. If that's the case then why have him in your life at all? A relationship is meant for two people to share, and to enrich one another's lives, there is no way he should be leaving for days at a time and leaving you by yourself. You may want to consider not giving him money anymore, you are not his parent, you are his partner. After everything you have done for him, and now for him to bring this girl into the picture is like a slap in the face. You have to decide if you can do better with him or do better by yourself. No one wants to be alone, but you shouldn't have to deal with someone disrespecting you, or making you feel bad about yourself or your life.
I know you have a lot to deal with, but you're a smart woman, and I think you can do anything you put your mind to. You just have to believe in yourself and what you are capable of. Sometimes the helping hand we seek is right at the end of our own arms, other times we have to look for help in other places or people, and sometimes, helping others is the best help we can give ourselves.
I'm here if you want to talk more.