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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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My boyfriend and I are having difficulties with our ...

Customer Question

My boyfriend and I are having difficulties with our relationship. We have been together for four months and are very much in love. However, we have been arguing a lot and I don't know why. He lives in a different town and we see each other at weekends. We also talk on the internet and via phone every chance we get. I am on the pill and my sex drive has been reduced to almost nothing. My boyfriend feels like he is unattractive and that I do not desire him anymore. I do but I have seemed to lost interest in sex. My past partners cheated on me and i find it difficult to trust. It is also painful for me when i have sex, even though I am turned on. Could it be the pill, or could it be something to do with my past? I'm scared of losing my boyfriend because we aren't "close" anymore and I miss being intimate because I love him very much.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Answered via Just Answer Chat.
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Hello Najma,

It seems like we are having a little difficulty with the chat feature. I'm going to ask you a few questions

What are some of the things you've been arguing about?

Where did you meet?

Have you considered changing brith control?

Has the difficulty with sex just started happening? or has it been that way all along or since you took the pill?

Chase

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: I have been on many types of pill, this type that I am on now is the first one i ever tried but I was taken off it because of this problem. Due to stressful times I was in at the time of coming off the pill, the doctor wanted to try again with this pill incase it was the stress. I suffer from bad period problems and need the pill to help control them. We met each other via a mutal friend of ours. We argue about simple things from an opinion about the social envoirnment on young teens today , and about more serious things like our sex life. While I was off the pill for a brief time, My sex drive did return but As the bleeding was out of control, we could not do anything. it has now been a month since we have had sex. I have only had one partner before him and I was taken advantage of when I was younger.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Hello Najma,

Many times sexual issues or being taken advantage of can affect our sex drive. Sometimes it's not enough to think that time will heal these wounds, it may be good for you to look into getting counseling or therapy to work through these issues. If not, it can lead to problems not only within the relationship, but your sexual life as well. You'll want to speak to your doctor, he may be able to refer you to someone.....also, you will want to tell him about the problems you are having on the pill. If it's hurting when you have sex, it is most likely due to not enough lubrication, (along with your emotional state) and you will want to try a water based lubricant, especially if you are using condoms.

I know that sex is important, but arguing about it may make things worse. Intimacy doesn't always need to include penetration. If your guy is willing to try holding and cuddling without pressuring for sex, maybe full body massages, and being more romantic, then maybe you can overcome some of your stressful feelings. Do you feel that e's pushy about sex, or gets angry with you about sex? If so, that's only adding to your stress..you have to let him know that arguing about it, only makes it worse.

What do you think about what I've said so far? Let me know if you want to talk more

Chase

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