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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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should i stay or go

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I wanted to know if it is normal for your bf to masterbate to porn mag.''s rather than have sex with me?
I always want sex, and he knows it, he looks at porn mag.''s while and after work.He always makes sexual advances when i’m sleeping.
I feel like all he wants to do is masterbate and not have sex with me.
When we do have sex....he goes back to watch more porn and sometimes masterbates again....he is really making me feel unwanted. Why does he rather do that than have sex with me?
He also knows that i don’t mind quickies or me satisfying just him, because it makes me feel good that i can help him.
I get so frustrated that i have to satisfy myself all the time.
What should I do? and is it normal?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-What are your ages?

-How long have you been dating?

-Does he always pick porn magazines over sex with you?

-Do you think it might have an issue with porn and porn magazines?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that wI can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
i am 31, he is 37.
we dated unexclusively for a little under 2 years, but have been exclusive for the last year now.
i dont know if he always picks them over me, i just feel like if he could have the real thing, or oral sex or whatever he wanted from me, why would he masterbate instead? especially i make advances and get rejected. it makes me feel like im begging for sex.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.
Customer

It sounds like your boyfriend may have an obsession with porn and may need professional help especially if he passes up the real thing for masterbating, there are men that like porn but not when it comes to having the real thing they usually do that when they don't have the real thing. You need to be honest with your boyfriend and tell him this is bothering you and your relationship and that you feel unattractive when he would rather materbate than make love to you. It may be that he just can't help it and need some help with that. Tell him that your relationship is in jeapordy and you feel like you have to beg for sex when most men would love for their woman to want sex just as much as them. It has nothing to do with you I really think it is an issue with him. He may feel like he can't get the job done without porn or he may have a very high sex drive and obsession with looking at porn magazine and watching porn, have you tried watching it with him and possibly acting out some of it?

You may not be able to help him, no one but a counselor may be able to help him. He has to want it and want help if he doesn't want the help you can not make him go so you have to be willing to make the decision for yourself whether you want to stay and think that the relationship is worth it. If he is rejecting you, how long do you think you can put up with that before you feel like you need and deserve more for yourself. It really depends on whether your boyfriend wants the help. Be honest with him and tell him you are ready to leave if things don't get better intimately between the two of you.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
We've discused it many times and the only answer he gives me is, he does it when he gets the urge to see a beautiful woman.(which dont help my self-esteem!), Or when he has an urge for sex and im not always around. I live with him so me not being around is bull crap! eventually If im gone i return home everyday! If he cant wait until i get home whats the use of being monogamous? He says he cant change over night to give him time. But i see no change, and dont know if i can handle the way it makes me feel anymore! Thank you for your help!
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.
Customer

Then you have to do what makes you happy and if being with him isn't doing that for you then maybe it is time for you to make arrangements to find your own place or make arrangements for him to move else where. If you have given him the time that he asked for to try and work through this and still he makes you feel less than then it is time to find someone that will appreciate you and treasure you and not some woman on a porn magazine or video. He is saying that he would rather look at girls he will never meet than be with someone who is more than ready to satisfy his needs. Good luck to you and let me know if you still need my help.

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