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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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so ive been seeing this guy for almost seven months. i dont think i would call it dating though..because i dont think he sees it as dating. i really like him, and i want him as a boyfriend, but he dosnt want a relationship. were intimate and it seems like were in a relationship, but were not. he wants to make it clear to me that were friends. but i just dont understand, if we both like each other and we get along, than whats the problem? should i give him more time? the past couple days ive been hinting to him that i want to come over, but hes been saying hes too tired,. it seems like whenever i want to come over, he says no, but when he wants me over, i Always say yes.its always whenever its convenient for him
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Jade,

When you first met him were you clear that you wanted a relationship?

How long did you know him before the two of you became intimate?

What are your ages?

How did you find out he didn't want a relationship?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
so i just turned 20 in january, and he just turned 28. but it seems that the age dosnt really matter.i dont mind that hes that older, and hes never said anything about it. when we first met, he asked, are u looking for a boyfriend? and i said no not really cause i was a little scared at first.and i never asked him if he was looking for someone...but after being around him, i became more into him, and i decided, yes i want him as a boyfriend.about two months into knowing him, we became intimate, and its been a regular thing now. i asked him later on what he thought of relationships, and he said he didnt want one, and he made it clear that were just friends having fun. he says if i dont want to keep fooling around, we can stop, but obviously i dont want to stop cause i like him too much. he says he likes me though
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hi Jade,

There's a few things to look at when it comes to relationships. Unfortunately, no one is given a book or instructions on relationships, so most of the time we just sort of wing it. When you first meet someone, and decide that the two of you like each other, then you start spending time with each other and doing things together. After a certain amount of time, you'll want to talk with them and see what they are looking for and you can tell them what you are looking for. Now if what you want, and what they want is similar, then you both can decide if you want to go further, and if its not similar, then you still have to make a decision to move forward or let it go. Preferably, this is done before becoming intimate. Unfortunately, people are not always honest, additionally having sex can change peoples minds as well, if they are not sexually compatible.

When he first asked if you were looking for a boyfriend, regardless of the reason, you said no. Now that you've grown closer to him and have changed your mind, it doesn't mean that he has to change his. As women, the more time we spend with someone, the more we become attached to them, with men, this isn't always the case.

He's basically told you that he doesn't want a relationship, he's not looking to get involved emotionally, that this is just fun and games for him, and that if you want to stop, then you are free to stop. So at this point, if you don't stop, you still can't expect anything more from him, because he's already told you what he wants. I have more respect for someone who does that, than someone who calls themselves your boyfriend, while dating others. I'm sure he likes you or he wouldn't be intimate with you and be around you, but the question is, does he like you enough?

Does he like you enough to give you what you want out of this 'relationship'? If not, then you are taking a risk of still sleeping with him because when he does come across someone he is interested in having a relationship with, what's going to happen to you? Or what if he just decides to move? Or that he just doesn't want to sleep with you anymore? Then what? The longer you sleep with him, and he won't commit, eventually you are going to wind up resenting him for something he was honest with you about from the beginning.

If you are looking for a man that will commit to you and be there for you, then this is obviously not the man for you. If you are looking for someone to fool around with, and just keep it as friends with no ties to you, he's saying he can accept that. The question is what are you looking for, and will you allow what you're looking for to come into your life or will you stay with this for now?

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Chase

Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
it seems like he likes me enough though. i just want to know what i can do to maybe improve what we do have? when i find someone i really like and enjoy being around like him, than i dont want anyone
else.my mind is set only on them. he was the one that really went after me,and now i dont want to tell him but ive grown pretty attatched.and im fine with him not wanting a relationship right now,cause its good to take things slow. i just want to know if there might be a slight chance of him changing his mind later on? being friends is definately a good way to start out, but im determined to make it work.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
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