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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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my husband quit his job, bought a new truck and met he ...

Customer Question

my husband quit his job, bought a new truck and met he ex-wife that he hasn''t seen in 8 years. Now all of the sudden she''s telling him that she made a mistake and still loves him. He''s telling me that he''s confused and doesn''t know what to do. He doesn''t know what his feelings for her are, but he does tell me that he loves me. I don''t know what to do, we''ve been married for 7 years, and I never saw this coming. He said he doesn''t want to leave, yet he is struggling with these feelings for his ex. She''s trying to convince him to leave me.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Ginny,

Why did he quit his job? How can he afford a truck if he quit his job?

What are your ages? Does he have children with either of you?

Any marital problems before this happened?

Has he ever cheated?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: He has bi-polar and has made some up and down decisions about work. He's quit quite a few jobs. We really can't afford the truck now and he's in a depression about that now too.
I am 40 he is 39 no he couldn't have children.
Before this happened there were only little spats about attention and whatnot. I do know that he never got closure from the first marriage, but now she said that she made a mistake and wants him back and loves him still. She cheated on him throughout their marriage. No, he has never cheated on me.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Ginny

Thank you for that additional info. I'm sorry you're going through this now at this point in your marriage. The first thing I would question is if his medication is really doing what it needs to do to keep him balanced. He's obviously made a few bad decisions recently and it may be because of that.

Aside from that, the problem is when someone else makes a decision, there's really nothing we can do to change it, they have to be the ones to make up their mind. The only thing you can really do is talk to him, about the fact that she cheated on him and you never have, that she dumped him and you have been there for him, that you've supported him and been there for him through his illness, through his job issues, through everything and you are still there for him.

Unfortunately, if he decides to go back with her, there's not too much you can do about it, except try and be strong for yourself, and know that this is not your fault, this is a decision that he's making on his own and that you tried the best you could to make things work out. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: I think his meds are ok, they've been pretty stable for a while now, but maybe they do need to be adjusted. I think he's in a self destruct mode, because of the choices he's made.

He left me yesterday while I was at work, and he said that he really doesn't know why. He said "call me a fool, jerk whatever, I don't know". I'm trying to be strong, but I feel I'm slowly not functioning very well. The pain is so great in my stomach. I know it's anxiety, and I'm trying to breath. Very hard. I couldn't help it, I called him on his cell this morning, and asked why he wanted to give up what we had and the time and plans that we had, he said "I'm not sure that's what I want to do either" I'm confused. I don't want to be a welcome matt either.

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