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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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What does it mean when your girlfriend wants you to go back to school

Customer Question

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Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Answered via Just Answer Chat.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.


We seem to have a problem with chat. I have a few questions for you

WHen did she start asking you to go bck to school?

How long have you been together?

What are your ages?

Have you asked her why she wants you to go?


Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Thanks for the speedy reply... I'm at work.

She asked a few months back, and seems that things went south since.

We are on our 3rd year together (I know 3 year itch)

I'm 27 in aug, she'll be 25 in jan?

"She wants me to be happy".

Now I had a little 2 date relation with someone and it made me realize how serious I am about her, I need to know if she feels the same.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Thank you for that additional info, I have a couple more questions

When you say things went south, can you explain more?

What kind of work do you do now?

What does she want you to go back to school for (career)?

Do you want to go back to school? Would it make you happier?

2 date relation? what does that mean? Have you cheated on her?


Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Went south ..... Less intimate stuff, lack of excitement when wanting to see each other. Also we started working opposite shifts.
I make reasonably good money at a printing co. as a graphics person (using mac's). 40+ k/year.
Not sure what she wants me to go back for, I've always had a few suggestions, but I'm not miserable at work or home. Everyone wants a few more dollars in their bank account.
2 day relation.... was a date dinner & drinks with a hug goodbye and some hand touching at the table. The second date same dinner & drinks, got a little hot and heavy at goodbye in the car ...... No Intercourse (sorry for being blunt)

Thanks again
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Thanks Pete, I do have a couple more questions, Im not clear on. (dont worry about being blunt)

You want to stay with your gf and work things out?

Did she finish school or is she considering going back?

Does she make more money that you?

Why does she think this would make you happy?


Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Yes my little adventure made me realize she's the one, well in my mind.
She finished school, born with a silver (not quite gold) spoon in her mouth and didn't have to work while at school.
I'm still making a good deal more $. As with the spoon above I have much more in the way of bills.
Why does she think this would make you happy?...
I don't, she's Italian and she'd much rather tell everyone that I'm a teacher or weather man. Not some computer guy at a place that prints stuff that people get in the mail and just throw in the garbage. I see that Italians pride themselves on what people think of them.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Hello pete,

Thank you for that additional info. First off, you're not just a computer guy....there are many people that make far less than you a year. Going back to school is a personal choice and should not be a prerequisite in a relationship. Perhaps she's not in a position to understand that. If you decide to go back to school, you will want to do it because you feel a desire to want to do something different or 'more' with your life, not because someone needs you to be more so they can pride themselves more on you. If your job makes you happy, then that's all that matters. I know in a way that you want to please her and keep her, but this is just not something you want to give in on just for her sake. What's next? She wants to spend a huge amount on a wedding just to show people she can? Buy a huge house you can't afford? Move to another country? Have 12 kids? Change your religion? These are just examples, but you see where I'm going with it. You have to be happy, before you can make someone else happy, just the same as you can't make someone else happy by changing your life, as once you do, they will always want more.

So think about your job and your life and whether or not you are happy. If you are, you need to express that to her. If you're not happy, then think about what you've always wanted to do with your life and how you can make that happen.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more


Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
In no way is this her making an excuse to find a reason to set up a break up down the line? If so how could I bring this to the surface?
I've got my high school education and have done (not completed) a university certificate course for my junk mail producing job! I'm not an idiot or anything!
Do I let her know about my side adventure? If so how's the best way of approaching it? before or after or during proposal?
Thanks again, losing my mother as a teen and raised by a grandfather (does/did/and doing his best with my younger siblings), what better way to talk to someone then a faceless internet person that seems to know what they are talking about. Sorry I didn't find your service sooner.
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Ooops, you have to reply now!!!! I went to the accept answer and clicked back and now it says I've already accepted answer......What do you think your time was worth?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.


It would be hard for me to guess at whether she is using this as an excuse to break up. You have to open a communication with her like now other, especially considering that you are thinking of proposing to her. If you are still guessing at how she feels, guessing at what she wants, accepting half answers from her, then you aren't ready to propose. You have to get to know her, get to know the person she is on the inside, find out what her hopes and dreams for the future are....and be sure that these dreams match what you're looking for out of your future. For example, if she says I want 7 kids, you may not agree with that, you may say, well I want three....if she is dead set on 7 kids, you may want to think about how this will affect you further on down the road. What about where you're going to live, what career paths you will both take, how you will spend and invest money, how you will deal with holidays and family, etc. Of course these things may not be able to be set in stone right now, but they are certainly things you want to discuss and learn about the person you plan to propose to. The current question for her would be, what if I decide I don't want to go back to school, how will that affect our relationships. I have a list of over 300 hundred questions that you can talk to someone about to get to know them better, let me know if you want me to post it for you.

I want to say that I hope I didn't infer in any way that you were and idiot or that I think any less of you for you job. There are people who wish they could make the amount of money you make, you should feel lucky to have a job that pays you well. If you feel that there is no way that you can move up in your job, or make more money as time goes on, perhaps you might want to consider going back to school for that 'career', but it should absolutely be a personal choice.

Letting her know about the other date is a touchy subject. You can tell her and it could upset her, destroy her trust in you, and possibly end the relationship. On the other hand, if you feel it's something you really need to talk to her about, you can let her know that you feel this distance and want to correct it. Only you know how she may react to hearing something like this.

I'm sorry to hear that you lost your mother, I know that had to be a very painful experience for you. I can't replace her or even try to, but I am here anytime you need to talk.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more



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