Who is this man to you?
What are your ages?
Thank you for that additional info
How long have the two of you been together?
Has he said you call too much?
Where did the two of you meet?
To answer your question, if you've been with a man for 4 years, there's nothing wrong with calling him everyday. It would be considered obsessive if you just met him, or if you were only dating a few months, but once you've been with someone 6-8 months or longer, it's natural to speak to them every day or almost every day depending on each others schedules. Unless you were calling him 5-10 times a day, disrupting his day, or making him feel like he was being stalked, then its in my opinion a poor reason for breaking up and there may have been other factors involved.
I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.
why did you call him so many times in that half hour?
so you didn't have a reason? You just wanted to reach him?
I wouldn't say it's stupid, just that everything we do is for a reason, even when that reason isn't immediately clear to us. I think that if you can't say why you called him that many times in a half an hour, then maybe you should take this week off and give him some space, while you reflect on what you're thinking. Were you angry because he wouldn't pick up? Did you suspect he might be with someone else? Were you bored?
Give him the space he's asking for, don't call him, let him miss you. I don't know if this is an ongoing issue with the two of you, or if it's recently happening, but either way it's potentially insecurity on your part, and e may be feeling smothered. At this point he's telling you how he feels, so its giving you the option to figure out a way to do things differently before it gets to the point where he'd rather just cut it off completely.
I can't say whether it means that he cares about the relationship or not, the fact is, anyone can cheat or date someone else anytime they want to, and choose to tell us or not. When you make a decision to be with someone, you are making a decision to trust them as well. You can't ever know completely what's inside someone's mind and heart, and if they choose to cheat, that is their choice and their issue. If the person hasn't hurt you, lied to you, cheated on you, then chances are that you can trust them and not be so paranoid. However, if someone lies, cheats and hurts you....well, the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior, and it's up to you if you want to continue to deal with this person. You have to decide if you can handle someone living that far away from you, and if not, own up to it and break things off, no sense in making both of you miserable. If you want to stay in the relationship, then deal with it, or figure out other things you can do in your spare time, so you're not so busy thinking about what he's doing. It all boils down to trust, and what you can/will deal with
It wasn't my intent to confuse you. What i'm trying to say is, you don't know if he's cheated, and if he has and doesnt tell you, then thats not your fault. You can only deal with what you know. There are women who lived their whole lives with serial killers, and never suspected. All I'm saying is if you care about him, and he says he hasn't cheated, then you have a choice to believe him or not, but you can't make him miserable because you're suspicious. Does that make more sense?
We're not guarenteed anything in love. Some people stay away from love exactly for this reason. Others are brave enough to take the chance. The point is, you can't focus on what you don't know, but only one what you do know....which is how he treats you and sometimes by looking at past relationships.
He's upset so you can't pay too much attention to what he says about plans. He could be saying that or he could have plans with friends. You've been with him long enough where you should be able to ask him what arrangements he's made.
It might be, I would just leave him along for a day or two and let him call you.
Please remember to click the green accept button if I've been helpful so that I can get credit for my work with you
I would like for you to take a moment and read back over my answers. They are far from pacifistic. Your follow up answers indicate that you aren't willing to entertain the advice I have given you. He's telling you that he feels smothered and you are only concerned that he had plans and if he wants to see you. You've asked me if trying to see him now is pushing it, and I'm telling you to back off and let him get a moment to himself so he doesn't feel smothered. How is that pacifistic?
As for your card, no one has charged your card without consent, you placed a deposit when you signed up, and I don't get credit for my work with you unless you click the accept button. If you're not happy with my work, that's fine, your deposit will remain in your account
I am in no way trying to be 'nasty', I take my customers very seriously and my only goal is to help as best and as much as I can. If you are not happy with my answers, I can opt out and see if there is another expert who can help you. Let me know what you decide.
You have placed a deposit. In order to view an answer, you have to place a deposit. Once you are satisfied with an answer, then you can choose to click the accept so that the expert working with you gets credit for their work. If you decide to open a new question, you go through the same routine again.
I don't doubt that you are a kind person, and I like to believe I am very kind as well, I have helped many many customers. I just think that pacifistic answers was not applicable, I do not tell customers what they want to hear, I tell them what I think they need to hear, even if it means they get angry or upset with me. It's not my intention to be mean or upset you, only to help. :)
I will opt out, it may take some time for someone else to respond.
Let me see if I can offer some insight from a mans perspective here . I agree 100% with chase in your situation and I understand that this situation is rather rough on you.
Basically what has happened is the calls have freaked him out some. Us guys tend to like to take things as they go.........the more complicated it gets the more some guys tend to pull away. 3 calls in 1/2 hour equals complication......I am not saying it was silly or stupid, but its speaks to a man that the women may be insecure in the relationship. When he told you that "If he wanted to cheat he would have" that is his way of showing you that based on the distance he could have very easily done so.........but that he loves you and so he choose not to based on his feelings. When you continue to call him that is telling him that you do not trust him. This is a big issue for some guys......trust is very important and when you call him or ask him if he is cheating he begins to wonder if you will ever trust him. In the end very few guys want to get into a long term relationship with a women who has trust issues.
The fact that you have been together for a year makes him feel that you should be trusting him by now........calling everyday several times a day tells him you do not. Which is not a good thing when he is getting ready for a long term commitment.
Basically what he is telling you is he is concerned.........he wants some space for two reasons. One to figure out what he wants, and two to give you a chance to prove that you trust him. The fact is you may have went to far this time.........he may ave just said the heck with it and started moving on. This is something you will have to accept. I am not saying this is the case, but something you may have to deal with in the future.
What I would suggest is the same thing chase suggested..........give him his space. If you keep calling him, emailing him,. etc you can bet that you will run him off. It is a given.........I do not wish to upset you but the fact is I do want to be honest with you and stress the importance of giving him what he is asking for. If you are not willing to do so you may find him cutting you off 100%.
He may need some more time.......since he asked for a week give him the week from today on. Do not call him at all..........regardless of how bad you want to talk to him. Try starting a journal to write down the things you are feeling and the things you want to talk to him about to help curb the desire to call him.
After a week send him a email or a text message........do not call. If you have to write him a letter. Keep it short and to the point. Let him know how you feel about him, and apologize for the insecurity's on your part. Let him know you are working on it and promise in the future to try harder with the contact issues. Let him know that you would love to talk to him, but will refrain from calling until he does so to prove that you are trying. Let him know that if you do not hear from him in another week you will call.
If he has not contacted you by the end of the 2 week period give him a call.......make sure it is not during his work hours and preferably during the evening hours if he is not working then. Take the conversation slow.........again let him know how you feel about him and ask him if he would like to get together soon. If he refuses then ask him point blank how he feels and where you should go from here. This will put the ball back into his court. He will then need to decide what he wants. If he loves you he will take you back........but keep in mind not every relationship is meant to last forever. If he is ready to move on then the time apart will help soften the blow for you.
I would also follow chases suggestions on getting out more and doing things during the next couple of weeks.........sitting at home waiting on him will only make this worse on you.
As chase told you earlier the charge on your card is a deposit that is held in your account until you click on the green accept button for payment. If you feel we were not helpful you can request a refund as well and that will be refunded to you. We the experts are not paid until you click the green accept button.
I wish you the best with this situation and if you need anything please feel free to let myself or Chase know.
Well sex is a big incentive for some men.......but love is about more then sex and as such his feelings come before his desire. Make up sex can only happen once you have made up. Based on the issues you are having I would suggest giving him some space. Have you ever heard the saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder........" this is a very true statement. The fact is when you call him so often he has little time to miss you. Men need that time to be themselves and think about the women they love.........if you are with him all the time (in regards XXXXX XXXXX calling) then he feels like he is never alone.
Since he did not ask for time, maybe it is time to give him some. Wait the week then get a hold of him and ask him if he wants to get together. If he seems distant simply ask him what is wrong.........let him know that you made a mistake but in the end you love him and do not want to lose what you have based on this simple issue.
It is unlikely he has moved on in two days lol........but he may be thinking about it. The fact is you never know what other people are thinking. The reality is you both need to have a little breathing room then sit down and talk about how you both are feeling and where you want to go from here.
Communication is the key in any relationship and without it you will have trouble working this out. Give him a little space then sit down and talk about it. Four years is to much of a investment to just walk away from on either one of your parts.
Your statement that ((but I thought guys wanted sex irregardless)) implied that he wanted sex regardless of the issues you are having. I said his feelings over this matter will come before his desires.
Simply put while he may want to have sexual relations with you the hurt he is feeling over you not trusting him and the issues in your relationship come before his desire for sex. Just because guys enjoy sex doesn't mean that we place it before all else. While it is true that often some guys will have sex regardless how they feel about a girl the real reality is when there are feelings there then those feelings come first..........men are not totally sex addicted lol.
I have no clue if he is attracted to you...........I would be lying if I said I did. The whole main issue revolves around the contact you have been pushing. As far as how much he loves you, or his desires have nothing to do with this. Sex is a bonus in a relationship.........nothing more nothing less. The real heart of the relationship revolves around trust, honesty, and love. Sex can be had without these things........but love can not exists without those little things.
It sounds like things have just gotten out of hand. I do not think that in 2 or 3 days he has fallen out of love, and I do not think he isn't attracted to you either. A man doesn't become attracted at the drop of a hat. Based solely on what you have told me it sounds like he is simply aggravated with all the calls and feels like you do not trust him.
In the end we can go back and forth for months...........but there is one solution to your problems, that is trust. Give him some space and trust him to come back. When he comes back you need to start working on your communication. Stop and talk to him about how you feel and what you want to do about it. Ask him how much is to much in the calling.........then stick to it. Give him time to come around and if this was meant to be it will be.
Telling him how you feel right now is not reccomended.............he needs space. I can only warn you that if you keep calling him you will run him off. I am not sure you understand that this is very very important.
If he hangs up and you keeping calling you are only pushing him away further.
He needs space before you talk about these issues and this is not something you should be talking about on the phone..........there is a time and place for everything and the phone is never the time or place for a important conversation such as this.
He is mad, he is upset that he has asked you to give him some space and you are not doing so. You must do as he wishes or you will push him away.
Space is a big issue for some people..........you must respect what other people want and need out of a relationship regardless of how silly it seems. Some people value space and if they are not permitted to have it then they feel suffocated. You can not change who he is. 3 times in a 1/2 hour is a lot........even for people who are not into so much space. Men are not like women.......what may be OK with you may not be OK with him. Just like if he wanted you to do something you were not OK with. The fact is this is who he is.
How do you know he was gone until 11pm?
You keep calling..........................and pushing him away. Now I am going to be honest with you and if you get mad at me I am sorry. Right at this point and time you are sabotaging your relationship with him.
You are proving to him that you are not willing to give him space
You are proving to him you do not trust him.
You are proving to him that maybe getting back together is not a good idea.
You said in earlier comments that this is not the first time your relationship has had these issues. You also said that he asked you to stop and that you are being obsessive. Now, think about it..........how is your conduct showing him otherwise?
It sounds like he cares for you or he would have broken off this already based on your actions. If you keep pushing he is going to keep pulling away. You have to stop calling him.........if he has caller ID then he knows how many times you called and even with your reasons he is still going to be mad that you keep calling.
At this point you have two choices.................
1) Give him some space and wait it out.
2) Continue calling and if he leaves over it then you will have a lesson learned.
I know this is hard..............when you love someone you want to talk to them, you want to understand them, and you want that attention. But right now he wants some space. Just because he was out till 11 doesn't mean he was with someone else.......maybe he was out with friends or family or maybe he simply did not pick up the phone in the hopes you would give him some space. Men have a habit of ignoring the phone if they do not want to talk..........continueing to call shows him that this is out of control.
You came here looking for help..........so why not give the advice a try? Whats the worst that can happen?
It is possaible...........I am not going to lie. But if he had someone else, why not tell you or simply change his phone number? Why even pick up the phone if someone is there?
The fact is what you are telling me isn't jiving with him cheating. While he could be I get the feeling this is not the case. I think it is a simple matter of space.........he answers the phone but is eager to get off. Thus telling you to back away.
The fact is if you keep calling and he is not being unfaithful you run the risk of running him off. If you stop and he is cheating then what have you really lost? If he is cheating no amount of calling is going to bring him back regardless. So there is no real benefit to calling him right now..........
Do you have a email address for him? Or texting for a cell phone?
Jealousy is not a good thing..........give him the benefit of the doubt.
Here is what you may want to do. Sit down and write him a email, let him know that you know you made a mistake and are sorry. Let him know you are going to give him a little space and will not contact him for at least a week.
Tell him you love him and end it. Then give him the space. Since he changed his number this is very very serious.........you need to be careful as well. If he asks you not to contact him and you continue he could press harassment charges on you. This is getting out of hand, and you have to stop.
I want to help you, but you have to take the first step...........take a chance and give him some space. There is nothing more you can do at this point but to trust him. I would also suggest that you seek some personal therapy to help you come to a understand as to why you feel the need to call him so much. The therapist can help you deal with all this as well.
I do wish you the best,
Well if you feel that calling him is OK with him then do what you feel is right. I would advise you to not call him more then once a day. Maybe every other day is best that way he can call you on the days you are not calling him.
In the end if he wants to talk he will.........
Give him a few days and give him a call and ask him if he wants to get together. If he isn't interested ask him why. If he is busy accept it and wait till the next weekend. If he is busy again let him know that while you understand he is busy you need some time as well.
I do think that is a good idea........a nice card or potted plant to show your appreciation will be good. Give him this time and see what happens. If he calls try not to bring up the argument as men like to put things behind them. You can talk about it later but for now let it go.
When you all get together for a date you can talk about what happened and how it should be handled in the future. It sounds like a little miscommunication and trust issues right now. Nothing that can not be fixed if you are willing to try.
I wish you the best..........please let me know how it goes.
Right now your emotions are in turmoil. You are upset with the whole argument as well as with his brush off........it is natural to feel afraid that he has found someone new. But the fact is you do not know that. All you know right now is he isn't ready to go out just yet. If you jump to accusations this is going to hurt the relationship.
As far as how long should you wait..........that is up to you. The fact is this is Thursday with you all not talking it is unlikely you will go out this weekend. If next weekend he is not interested then it is time to ask him why. Maybe suggest a mid week meeting......hopefully he will either agree or offer up the next weekend. If he doesn't ask him. See what he says.........if he says we will see then give him the week. If he says no then it may be time to let him know that this is not acceptable.
I can not even begin to guess how likely he is to cheat......the fact is some guys are cheaters and some are not. You must trust him until he gives you a reason not to. The comment if he likes what you send him is silly.......send him a thank you card and a plant or maybe some candy. No fuss no muss........if he is going out with you based on what you send then you do not need that kind of fellow regardless.
I wish I could give you some more insight......the fact is I am tapped out my friend lol. I have very little else to offer up in this situation. The fact is only time will tell. I can tell you till I am blue in the face what guys can be like.........but in the end each guy is different the same as each women is different.
At this point it is a waiting game..........wait, give it time and see what happens.
At this point it is a waiting game..........wait, give it time and see what happens,
I caught that point lol........I saw you say he paid for the breeding. But the comment was not nice never the less. He could have been joking so we will leave it at that lol.
Your comments are not very nice either.......I have tried to help you and pay allot of attention to your posts. Since you seem unhappy with my advice I will opt out and if anyone has anything to add I am sure they will. We have very few relationship experts so unless someone has something new to add they will not chime in.
I do wish you the best with your situation,
I understand completely and I do wish you the best.......I am sorry you are unhappy with my service but the fact is I can not read his mind. When you make comments such as the above it leaves us experts feeling like you are not happy with the service. In the end it takes a lot of time to do this, if you are not happy I do not wish to waste your time or mine.
I wish you the best,
Please do not misunderstand me.........I am in no way threating you honestly. I just wanted to let you know that there are few experts and unless someone has additional information you may not get another response to prevent you from waiting around wondering what happened............I was hoping to spare you from a wait.
At this point I do not think there is much more I can offer you in your case. The end result is the same regardless. I am sorry if I have offended you in some way as that was never my intention.
Feel free to open another question as well........I do hope you are able to get the help you need in this matter.
Walter has opted out and any available experts can read the question and will post back if they feel they can help. Please be patient
Yes, I have opted out, but the way things are set up, I still recieve any responses to the question as I was the first responding expert.
Administration has already been contacted.
I am not responding, I am letting you know that administration has been contacted. Additionally, I can't log you out. Please be patient, someone from admin will be with you.
This is my work, this is what I do, so if I have to help a customer, I will respond. If someone from admin has not gotten back to you, they will shortly.