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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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been married 1yr 2mo. and since the very start, i not only ...

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been married 1yr 2mo. and since the very start, i not only paid for everything, 'ie: rings, marriege, (he didnt want a honeymoon), and still to today i pay for everything, down to the toilet paper, and please keep in mind i was in college (still am) with a baby. I have been beaten, cut, belittled, and placed second for the entire time. i have been choked almost to death over 18 times, my money always seems to support everyone else,,,,or a large argument where as soon as i say my feeling,,,,he brings something up about me. he puts his other family,,,mom sisters etc. before me and my daughter. and he complains why i dont do things for his son when i buy something for my daughter (his son adopted).when ever there is a issue(bout 9x's per month) i am always the one to be asked then some how some way.i will get yelled at or beaten/choked at the end of the event.I have gone though 200000.00 in 9 months. and i am broke and almost to the point where i had no food.give me advice 4 i am blind pl
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Sese,

If you are in college with a child, how could you afford to spend so much money?

Where did you meet your husband?

What are your ages?

Is your daughter or his sone seeing the things he is doing to you?

Does his family know what he's doing?

Why do you stay if he's doing these things?

Are you actually blind or did you mean that as a figure of speech?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: 1st ? = the first two years in college I budgeted and saved as much as I could, I received and continue to recieve money through very large grants and scolarships because of my GPA (mostly) and my extreme history/past, which means (my going to college to better my life is a complete surprise to most people) and because of that and a few smaller grants and I also recieve student loans. As of right now I go to two online colleges for two very different degrees (bach.= accounting-e comerance, and bach.= computer programming-gaming).

2nd ?'s = I met my husband (9) yrs ago @ a drug treatment (example of my past):)

3rd ?'s =

(Ages of all adults in my house)
Husband = 31
Me = 30
Daughter = 3
My Mother = 50

4th ?'s =

Yes, she has seen alot more then I would like and because he brought her into the room during.
And this is mostly why I have almost pure hate for this man (see when I got pregant "not his daughter" I told myself that I would do every thing in my power to give her a completly normal life and everything I didnt ever have and that if I failed the only reason would be because I died unexpectedly "like in an accedent" I promised myself that I would care for her and make sure she was protected from all the bad things and poeple in the world. One of the things I wanted to give her was a daddy that would be all that a daddy can be ie: protect her, honor her and make sure she's cared for if I cant be there. Thats the main reason I got married.

5th ?'s = they do and they talk to him and he changes (but only temp).

6th ?'s = Since this orininal entry I have =

Left him
Gone to ER for scihes up my arm cause, I cut my self ( I am completly fed up)
Reason = I found "again" evedence that he has been fooling around and I asked him about it and he turned the questions around to me and started calling me names and saying really hurtful things about my past.
Cost wise = he took my 50,000 (2008) infinaty SUV and brand new (1,000.00) worth of coach bags)and my cell phone and ran over the alarms for all my other cars ...so now I cant use them. Small loss.....and completly worth it...


Yet I want to go to a hotel or something and have movers pack and place my everything in storage yet ....I dont have enough money. Any suggestions....
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
No I am not blind....relationship blind
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Sese,

Thank you for that additional info. I understand what you are saying about your daughter, but somehow you have to face the fact, that up to this point, you have failed her. At three years old, she is literally a sponge, soaking up her environment and learning the abc's of life. She looks at the relationships that are shared between you and her, her and your mother, you and your man, your man and your mother, her and your man, you and your mother and so on. It's family dynamics, and parts of it can stick with her for the rest of her life. Women who witness domestic violence as a child are far more likely to grow up and be abused, or to become abusers themselves. You are being abused, but you are also abusing your child by keeping her in this situation.

If that's not enough to have you want to leave right away, consider the fact that he's already put his hands on you, he's already almost killed you, and the next time he may not stop, the next time could be your last breath and then where will your daughter be? Worse case scenario, he takes your daughter, and she never knows what a beautiful, sensitive, and smart mom she had, all she will remember is the violence.

There are many, many opportunities available to a woman who is being abused....and thats what this boils down to, you are being abused. No one can tell you to take that first step to get out of this situation. Ideally, the next time he puts his hands on you, you call the police and have him arrested. This way he will be locked up and it will give you a chance to get things together and decide what you want to do while he's locked up. When he does get arrested, you'll want to file a restraining order so that he cannot come near you or your family. You can contact domestic violence services online or in your town. If you give me your city/state/county, I will look up resources in your area.

Only you can make the decision, but you need to make the right one, if not for yourself, for your daughter, who is too young to understand whats going on, and too young to defend her body and mind against the things around her. Thats your job.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Chase

Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Ms Chase
Ms Chase
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Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues