How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Ms Chase Your Own Question

Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
1042561
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Ms Chase is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hi. I have been good friends with this guy for a very ...

Customer Question

Hi. I have been good friends with this guy for a very long time... I have never considered him as more than just friends. Recently i started noticing that he makes all these comments in front of people that he likes me and wants to be with me. He is very firm and confident in everything he does.... At first i was telling him that he needs to stop joking with me like that and he said several times that he was not joking. I confronted him 1 time and told him that he cant like me and he said he does and then i said you dont and he said fine i dont.. ... afterwords he began showing his feeling towards me even more so i confronted him again. he said we are just friends but he thinks of me very highly and i am potential for him.....What does this mean? I think i really like him now but i am scared that i ruined it for myself. i never thought i would like him and now that i do i feel like he backed off. now one day he is rude and ignores me and another day he is super nice...it is not clear
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Kior

What are your ages?

Where do you know him from?

Do you call and talk to him?

Are you saying you like him?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: We are both 23 years old. He is one of my CLOSEST friends, we go to the same church, sing in the worship team together and also travel with our chamber choir. The botXXXXX XXXXXne is that i was discusted that he might be interested in me so i confronted him a couple of times to let him know that friends cannot become more than that and then i started to notice him and i think i am really falling for him but i am not sure if this was all a joke from his side or is he really interested. Before he would tell everyone that i am his and that we will get married, would not allow any guy to hug me... Even asked me questions like what do you want in your future mate, what are some qualities if i married you would be hard to deal with, what kind of ring i want, where i want to live....... So when i finally got sick of it i told him you cant like me and he said "but i do", I said "no you dont you cant, "but i do"....... and then before he left my car he said fine i was just kidding. As time went on his attentions was even more obvious so i confronted him again and he said we are just friends and acted like he didnt remember any of these things however said that i am definitely a potential wife for him.... After our long conversation he is very careful around me not to hug me.... but sometimes he will say things like, i have been thinking about you... what if it couold have worked out... and then the next day he will be very rude and careless so i cant understand what he feels if anything and what to do about it. he has never had a girlfriend even though a lot were interested in him. He wants to date one girl and get married to her but i dont know if he is just doing all of this cause he feels very comfortable with me or if there's soemthing more to it. I dont want to make up things in my head and i understand that men think very differently from women. I told our other friends that when a guy is really interested in a girl he does not tell everyone the way he always does and his friends say he would cause he is sooo honest and confident, firm...I want to know what he is really thinking cause i think i am really falling for him and it scares me cause i dont want another broken heart
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Kio,

First let me tell you, you can't ever know what another person is really thinking. You can only know what they tell you they are thinking. Whenever we fall in love, we take the chance that our hearts will get broken, thats just a fact of life.

It seems like he's given you every hint that he likes you and certainly wants to be more than just friends with you, so you have to decide if you want to move forward in this direction or if you want to keep it at just friends. His anger and rudeness could be because he feels like you rejected him and can't figure out why.

I would suggest talking to him and telling him that you were too scared to get involved because you value him so much as a friend that you didn't want to do anything to ruin that. Tell him that you would be willing to talk about it and maybe go on a date and see what happens from there. If he agrees then do just that, go on a date, spend some time together, do not rush into a relationship and certainly do not rush the intimacy. The longer you can hold off on a relationship commitment and intimacy the better chance you will have to get to know each other as potential mates rather than just friends.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Warmly

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I dont know if that will work for 2 reasons. First of all when i asked him he told me we are just friends so i cant come to him and say i was scared i want to try it cause he never officially asked me out. With him its always "what if we dated, what if it worked out, what if i asked you 'seriously' that i want to be with you... 2nd reason is that he absolutely hates when girls call him or make the first move. I know this cause i have talked to him so many times when a girl would show him that she likes him. he is just that kind of a guy, it has to be his decisions
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

So...at this point, what is your question?

Its not unusual for a guy to use 'what if', its a way for him to know if you are interested without putting himself out there.

Chase

Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Hi Ms Chase. Thank you very much for taking time to answer my questions. I really appreciate it. As i said previously i cant go to him and say i want to give it a try as you suggested since he didnt ask me out. Also i cant really approach him about trying to go on a date because in our culture it is not acceptable for a girl to ask a guy.. i made it clear that we are just friends that night and when i asked him about all that he hinted at he also said we are friends but now for me it became more than that so i was just hoping you would analize all he said from a guys point of view. Was he just not ready to tell me how he feels because i confronted him unexpectedly or he really was just playing around cause he felt comfortable since we are close??? Right now 3 weeks later once in awhile he makes little comments to kind of push me away. For example i was just talking to him and a couple of friends that i want to ride a jetski this summer and he acted as if i asked him to take me for a ride and said "sorry i am not taking you" and told this other guy to take me....so i got mad and said i didnt ask you to....?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
Ms Chase
Ms Chase
Counselor
2897 Satisfied Customers
Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues