How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Ms Chase Your Own Question

Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Ms Chase is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now. He is ...

Customer Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now. He is 22 and I am 20. I used to think we didnt have sex much because there was no place we could actually go to be privatly intimate. Now we have been living together for over a month and still no change. We have sex once a week and sometimes less. I have tried to talk about it but he always finds a way to talk around it. Like "Im just tired a lot", but in bed he will watch TV untill he falls asleep or he will even play like he is sleeping. It makes me feel like a sex fien or some kind of a freak because I want more sex than that.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Ama,

It's not uncommon for sex to slow down after 3 yrs. I understand what you mean about the fact the it was difficult to be intimate before, but this lack of sex probably has less to do with privacy, than the fact that you've been together for a while. You are not a 'sex fiend" or any type of 'freak' are a healthy young woman with a healthy sexual appetite. For whatever reason, his sex drive seems to be very low and this could be for a few reasons. Hopefully it's not because he is sleeping with anyone else, although that is a reason why some men have less sex with their partners, another reason could be, if he masturbates. Due to the lack of privacy, he may have started a habit of masturbating that has affected his sex drive.

The botXXXXX XXXXXne is you have to talk to him. You have to talk to him and know that you are not making any outrageous demands aside what would normally be expected of a partner. If he can't give you any reasoning about it, even if you talk to him about the things I've mentioned, then you have to decide if this is something you can live and deal with. He needs to know that this is making you unhappy, and that your unhappiness is justified.

You also should be still going out on dates and doing things together. I don't mean sitting on the couch together and just sitting in the house together, but doing things together outside of the home.....basically doing some of th things you did when the two of you first met.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.



Customer: replied 6 years ago.
We had a discussion this afernoon. He admits that he masterbates "sometimes". And he always claimed he only had the desire to be intimate in the morning and I am in the mood at night. But even on the weekends we dont have sex in the morning. I used to make moves at night when he was acting like he was sleeping or maybe he was and he would just roll over or ignore it. I stopped trying because rejection hurts. I asked him if he was always this way or just with me, he said always. When I used to ask in the beginning he would say "maybe your just more sexual than I am". A few weeks ago (after about 2 weeks of living together)I got so frustraited I asked him if he was interested in men. He started laughing and when I told him I was serious he said "I swear to god Andrea, I am NOT gay! I cant believe you could even ask that". I believe he's not gay and I have put on a few pounds since highschool so Ive been on a diet and lost 18 pnds already and look great. Still no change.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.


It's not logical to expect someone to only have sex in the morning, and frankly it sounds like an excuse, particularly when you say that you aren't having sex in the morning despite his claim. Rejection does hurt, and he's not even going through the motions, he's just rolling over. Something isn't right, but I assure you that blaming this on yourself is the wrong way to go. First of all you have to assume that this has nothing to do with you, you're not asking too much, its not because of your weight, it's not about you.

If he's always been this way, then the fact that you had no privacy has always been just an excuse for his low sex drive. It wasn't until you moved in together that you can see that it was never about privacy. I don't know about him being gay, but despite his protests, it's a possibility, just one that he may not be able to ace. He may not even know consciously. It could be something that happened to him when he was a child, or something that happened in his past relationships that is contributing to it, but the fact is, unless he gets some type of help and is willing to open himself up to that help, then things will never get better.

You're going to have to decide if this is something you are willing to live with. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more


Customer: replied 6 years ago.
If I do want to talk more, how much does it cost me?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC


    Satisfied Customers:

    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.


    Satisfied Customers:

    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • Suzanne's Avatar


    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

Related Relationship Questions