How long have you been married?
Has he said why he won't consider counseling?
What kinds of problems are you having?
What are your ages?
He may be right, give it a little time. I understand your feelings as well, that you are tired and just want to be done with it. However, there has to be something about this man that meant enough for you to want to marry him, and thats where you both need to start.....where things were when you first met.
Why was he emailing his wife? If they have no children or business together, then he really should let it go, especially if it bothers you, then there should be no question of letting it go. If he is saying things that you don't like, then you have to decide if any of these things are true, and thats why you don't like them, or if these are just things he is saying to you, specifically to hurt you. You never said what he was saying, so it's hard for me to judge.
I'm also not sure why you are saying that counseling won't help. You can't know that unless you go to counseling, and counseling has saved many many marriages. What happens is you have this third party who is able to help you get to the truth. They say there are three sides to every story, his side, your side and the truth. A counselor or therapist can be that third side. A counselor or therapist can give you an arena to vent your fears and concerns in a healthy way, as well as teaching you coping and communications skills that you might not possess or learn on your own.
I welcome your thoughts. Let me know if you want to talk more.
Thats exactly the reason why they would help. Would you need to go to a counselor if you were happy and not irritated? It depends on if you want to save your marriage....what wouldn't you do to save it? It's not easy out here for single people, and if you found someone that you were willing to make your vows to, remember, they said for better or for worse...maybe this is the worse?
If he's not willing to be the man you need him to be, and to love you in the way that you need to be loved then you may be making the right decision. Life is hard enough without having the support of the person who is supposed to mean the most to you. You need a partner, not an enemy in your own home. I'm here if you want to talk more, just reply back