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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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If my husband can be very disloyal, and my husband is not ...

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If my husband can be very disloyal, and my husband is not on my side than there is a problem. Could he be using me? When we married, I moved into his home (I had my own) with his mother who just passed away, god bless her and I'm a stepmom of his 3 children, only one lives with us, his daughter, age 7, from a previous marriage. I have 2 children of my own who don't live with us. I married for love. I think he may have not been loyal before his friend came into the picture. He says he wants me to have my own life. But he is my life. Family to me is my life. We are supposed to be partners, but he wants to make all the rules and wants me to go with them. If he was disloyal now, could it be he always was or changed because his friend arrived?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Why do you think he may not have been loyal before this happened with his friend?

What does he mean when he says have your own life?

Give me an example of some of his "rules"?

Is this incident with his friend the only time he's been disloyal?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: I had a previous incident before and his friend was listening to our conversation and he said his opinion. My husband thinks he is like family to him and has told him my "hangups" to his friend in front of me. Also on another occasion, I had a pretty bad argument with a girl(just a friend of my husbands and her boyfriend was present) on her B'Day. She was drinking & literally all over my husband, touching him etc. in front of me and it went on for some time. My husband new it bothered me but didn't stop it until I did. He has known her & boyfriend for yrs, they were friends of his & ex-wife. I guess it still bothers me, it's not my nature and we have not seen them since. They were at my wedding. About a month later, my husbands ex girlfriend called his cell late Sun. night( I was present) about her car. He owns an Auto Shop and I found out he has been fixing her car since we got married. He told me he broke the relationship with her when he met me and she cried. My husband is a busy business person and does not feel he needs to entertain me all the time. He is a homebody too & not spontaneous. I'm the kind of person who likes to do things. The rules are basically if I don't agree he does not compromise, he usually wins. We had different views on raising his daughter which caused some problems, sometimes I did not know where I stood, I backed off a bit. My husband talks to his ex a little too much I think. She calls him, she is a needy. His best friend visited her a few times and the 3rd day he was in my home, he went to visit her. I may be the one getting a little more upset about things, and possibly guarding myself because of a previous 7 yr relationship I had before. I was left for another women and it was very devastating for me. I love my husband and I know he loves me. I think I've become insecure as time has gone on because I know I felt differently in the beginning of our marriage.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Heather, I apologize I had not seen your response. After reading over your response, it seems to me that your husband had a lot of people involved in his life before he met you and now you are feeling like a puzzle piece looking for your place to fit in. He may even have some habits, that may have been ok in his old life, that you are just not comfortable with and you have to let him know that. You can tell him something like 'I know that ____ is your friend, but I am a private person when it comes to our business and it makes me feel violated when you tell him our personal business.'

Your husband seems almost like he wants to get a reaction out of you or he wants to see how you will react to something, maybe you are not being clear to him about the things that are bothering you. If something bothers you, you have to spell it out plain as day so that there is no misunderstanding about it, and if he doesn't want to change then the two of you will have to come to some type of compromise. If he won't compromise, then there is a real problem.

No adult should feel the need to be entertained all the time, however, the two of you should do some things together and spending quality time together for the good of your marriage. It's understandable that you are guarded as long as you don't blame your husband for your ex's mistakes.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Chase

Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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