How old are the two of you?
How did you find out about her past?
What are some of the things you disagree with?
My mother used to tell me "don't ask questions if you don't want to know the answers" and that seems to apply well in this case. You have to consider that not everyone is raised the same way. Some people live in a home where there parents would walk around half or wholly nude in front of the children, while other kids, never saw their parents except when fully dressed. Some parents are very lenient about alcohol or drugs, while others would put their kids in military school for it. She is not you, so it's unfair of you to expect her to be like you. I give her credit, that she was honest and upfront about it and didn't feel the need to lie to you, which she could have easily done.
What has happened has happened...and out of those people, she chose to be with you. She chose to be upfront and honest with you about her past, and now you're sitting in judgment of her. Do you think that's fair? Would you rather be with someone who claimed they were so virtuous, while all the time it wasn't true. I think when you're with someone you have to make choices....you make choices about what's important and what's not important, based on your relationship with that person.
You can be upset with this and potentially ruin the best relationship of your life, or you can figure out how to put it out of your head and move on, it's your choice.
I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more
Its no problem. There's no magic solution to getting it out of your head, I'm sorry to say. The only way to get it out of your head is to stop being so judgmental, and don't expect her to be like you as you are two different people. To remember that she could have lied, but instead chose to be honest with you.
If you find that you obsess about this and other things, perhaps you need to talk to a therapist, as your problem may encompass far more than just this situation.
There's a trick someone taught me, to put a thick runner band around your wrist, and anytime you think the unwanted thoughts, pull the rubber band back and snap yourself with it, very hard. I know people who have used it for eating, smoking, and other things and it worked well.
Of course that would definitely play a big part in how her sexuality developed. Women that have been raped tend to lose a lot of their self esteem. Some of the things that are in us, that tell us not to do certain things (casual sex) can be lost on them, because they tend to hold a lot of guilt about the rape and can sometimes think that it is their fault that they got raped. The thinking might be,
It's not uncommon for a rape victim to be promiscuous, or to not have the same feelings about sex as they normally would, some even opt not to have sex at all or not to deal with men at all. It never affects every woman the same, although they may experience some of the same aftereffects.
I think it's very good that she felt you were different from everyone else, and you should feel good that she chose you to the person who made a difference in her life. Stop comparing yourself and what you did to those other people. The may have given her a nice date, but they didn't get the girl. I think you're placing a larger emphasis on sex than she is, perhaps she holds intimacy to a higher standard.
If you love her as you say, and she says she loves you, you are already one of the luckiest guys in the world. Don't mess it up over something that can't be changed.
Very good. Its been my pleasure to help you work through this. Feel free to request me by name anytime you have a question. I am at your service.
All the best