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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I married a man older than myself and after 13 years ...

Resolved Question:

I married a man older than myself and after 13 years married his adult children still do not accept me. There are no pictures of my husband and myself only my husband in their homes.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Hello Masons

When you married him were they already adults?

Has your husband ever spoken to them about how he feels?

Do you get along with them otherwise?

Do the two of you have any children together?

Chase

 

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
yes they were they are both professionals a boy and a girl. They were both over thirty my husbands wife died of Head and Neck cancer.
Yes, however my husband is very ill and has become quite passive now.
They are polite but thats it. I was asked to step out of family pictures " I just want my family in the picture" It is hurtful after 13 years of marriage and being my husbands sole caregiver.
No my husband has been ill for 12 years.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Hello Mason,

What have you done to change their mind about you in 13 yrs?

Has there been issues or just dismissive things like asking you to step out of the pictures?

Although he is ill, can he not speak up and say "she is family, I want her in the picture"?

Chase

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I have been supportive and the primary care giver to my husband who has been in and out of hospitals for many years. We have had a disagreement regarding his healthcare. "just put him in a nursing home." The kids and my husband were close prior to me. My husband gave them everyting in a monetary sense and then he retired and that stopped. His value to them has declined he is not a wealthy man anymore. I have been kind to the grandkids always remember occassions achievements and I give positive feedback. I am tired of trying so hard.    My husband has vascular dementia for 4 plus years, however he never really spoke up before.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Hello Mason

It seems that the children's selfishness extends beyond just you, and to their father as well. So at least you know it's not you. If the only thing they care about was his money, its possible they were not raised with the best values about love and money and now that is showing in how they are treating him now. Many people equate love with money, its not uncommon to see this in children who have been spoiled.

I would say to continue doing what you do for the grandchildren, as it's not their fault how their parents act. As for his children, 13 years is about long enough to cater to someone for love or respect. You are well within your rights to live your life and not be obligated to them in any way. Your husband chose to marry you, and you chose to marry him. His children are adults and capable of making their own decision and if they don't want to be cordial to you, then you stay a lady, be polite, but don't go overboard. Don't overextend yourself for anyone anymore thats not willing to do the same for you. They have proven after all this time that they don't care about making you miserable, and enough is enough. Take the attention and energy that you put toward them, and put it into your husband and your marriage.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Chase

ps. make sure that you and his will is in order in case something should happen to either of you, both of your wishes are in black and white and cannot be disputed by the children

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