OK, first, I want you to take a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds, and then let it out. Do this a few times until you feel more relaxed. Ask yourself if there's a project you can focus on while he's gone. Redecorating your bedroom as a surprise when he gets home, changing a part of the yard or garden, maybe getting a makeover yourself. Can you go away for a few days to visit family? Can you and the kids do something really special together, like a weekend trip?
It takes a big person to say no about the trip, and to let him go on his own and enjoy his self, you should be very proud of yourself. It's not worth it to worry about what can happen or bikini clad girls, if he's a good man you won't have to worry about that, and he sounds like a good man. Why don't you start researching for a trip the two of you can take in the near future? When all else fails you can do some spring cleaning, empty out all of your closets and drawers, garage, etc and have a yard sale or drop things off to goodwill.
Of course if you want to write to me everyday, I'll try and help you get through it, lol. I know it's driving you crazy, but the key is to keep as busy as you possibly can. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.
Definitely send him a little text and say something small, like miss you/love you. I figured you have the kids in school, I was meaning go away with the girls on the weekend, but you're almost through this! One more week....and you can do it. :) The exercise is always a good thing. Start planning a nice coming home dinner. Nothing too heavy because he may be tired (from vacation, lol), but something relaxing where you can all hear about the trip.
(keep breathing...are you journaling? Grab an empty notebook or journal and write some of your feelings down...it's a great way to get some of that excess anxiety out.)
I understand what you're saying. Just plan the dinner for the following weekend. He will have to get unpacked, and get everything ready to get back to work, just try to be understanding. I know its hard because you miss him so much. Let him know that you would like to have a dinner the following weekend and see what he says. This was a big trip, and guys usually have a hard time thinking ahead, they are much better at focusing on the moment, so don't be too hard on him.
I apologize, I stepped out for a moment. I'm glad you feel better, deep breaths, lol. Not sure about the texts, I know when my sister went on her cruise, she only got about half my texts, and some of them she would get hours and even days after I sent them. So be patient, depending on where he is he may not have gotten it yet. He may eve have his phone put up......so it's not about the response, but about you sending him a nice note saying that you're thinking about him.
Yes, roaming charges can get out of hand if you're not careful.
Believe it or not there are men who feel this way that we feel, some of them let it out and talk about their emotions and angst, I talk to them all the time :) While others have been taught from childhood, not to cry like a 'baby' or a 'girl', or to act like a man. You do have some guys that are able to talk openly and intelligently about their feelings, but many men hold those sort of things in, whether it's fear of rejection or fear of being viewed as too 'soft'. You sound like you've got a good guy, and I'm only wishing good things for you.
If I were to put myself in your shoes, I think that I would be feeling that way because I know that he's with many people that know him and love him and I would like to have been there to bask in that love with him and to be a part of that experience (much like your friend who introduced you is a part of that family). Although you felt she was out of line to suggest that he invite you, a part of you probably wishes he'd been a little more persisitant in getting you to go, and wonders if his lack of persistance means something more than it may, if you follow what I'm saying.
That is what love is about, finding that person who is that issing part of the puzzle for you, that crosses your t's and dots your i's. Here's on of my favorite poems about love
What was in that candle's lightthat opened and consumed me so quickly?Come back, my friend.The form of our love is not a created form.Nothing can help me but that beauty.There was a dawn I remember when my soulheard something from your soul.I drank water from your spring,and felt the current take me.
or this one
When love beckons to you follow him, though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him, though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire,
that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart,
and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter,
and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love,
for if it finds you worthy, it directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart
and a song of praise upon your lips.
As women we are given a special gift called women's intuition. Sometimes we call it our 'gut feeling', when it comes to our children we call it 'motherwit', when it comes to general life we call it 'common sense', lol. If your gut feeling told you that you were making the right decision, then you made the right decision. All of this other fear, longing, sadness, possibly a little anger mixed in, is because you wanted to 'control' the situation by either going with him or him pressuring you to go, at least them you would have had the satisfaction of knowing he wanted you to go. When we let go of a situation that we could have potentially controlled we 'free fall', we don't know where things will end up or where we'll land, and that's a pretty scary position to be in. What we have to learn, is to trust our instincts, trust our gut, trust our motherwit and know that when we trust it, much like cats, we will always land on our feet. When you know yourself, you trust yourself, when you trust yourself you can't lose.
Don't ever second guess how you handled things with your girls. I believe that was our very first conversation. You handled it very well, many could learn from you on that and prevent a lot of heartache with their kids if they would take the same route.
I'm here if you want to talk more.
Ok, breathe...breathe....take a really big breath, hold it and slowly exhale.
You've got to learn somehow to control how you're feeling because the last thing you want to exude at any time around the object of your affection is desperation. You've told me that he's a good guy, and that your instinct was to let him go and enjoy himself. So let him do that. On vacation with that many people has to be a huge ordeal every day. They are probably getting him up at the crack of dawn and he's probably falling into his bed at night....be a little easy on him, this is a situation that won't likely happen again right?
No one is saying that you should drop everything. In fact, you should do what you normally do, and if you do drop everything, recognize that is a personal choice to decide to do that based on how you feel, not because he is asking you, or forcing you. You know you should but you don't want to. :)
He may not have known everything he was going to be doing, and you don't know that he shut off his phone. Yes, I'm a little disappointed that he hasn't called or sent you a text, but we can't think the worst.
What do you do in your spare time besides watch basketball and soccer? (eastern conf, that is basketball right? I'm sports challenged, lol)
Here's another poem for you. This poem, to me says a lot about patience too. Let me know what you think about it.
Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield,
upon which your reason and your judgment wage war
against your passion and your appetite.
Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul,
that I might turn the discord and the rivalry of your elements
into oneness and melody.
But how shall I, unless you yourselves be also the peacemakers,
nay, the lovers of all your elements?
Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul.
If either your sails or our rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift,
or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas.
For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining;
and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.
Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion; that it may sing;
And let it direct your passion with reason,
that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection,
and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes.
I would have you consider your judgment and your appetite
even as you would two loved guests in your house.
Surely you would not honour one guest above the other;
for he who is more mindful of one loses the love and the faith of both.
Among the hills, when you sit in the cool shade of the white poplars,
sharing the peace and serenity of distant fields and meadows -
then let your heart say in silence, "God rests in reason."
And when the storm comes, and the mighty wind shakes the forest,
and thunder and lightning proclaim the majesty of the sky,
- then let your heart say in awe, "God moves in passion."
And since you are a breath In God's sphere, and a leaf in God's forest,
you too should rest in reason and move in passion.
Thank you for the bonus, that was very nice of you. Sorry about my ignorance, I don't know from hocky or basketball, lol. I can't venture to say why he hasn't reached out, or even if he has reached out, he may have or he could be very caught up....thats what we're supposed to do on vacation right? I know you miss him terribly, and that this is driving you nuts. Look at it this way, today is WED so you only have a couple more days to go, you've almost made it through. Granted you've got a new hairstyle, and your house is immaculate, but those are good things, right. At the very least, you haven't done anything destructive with your time (unless there's something you're not telling me?)
lol, you're on the website? I would say yes....go ahead and call him or your girlfriend. At the very least you can say that you were getting a little worried after texting him a couple of times, and just wanted to make sure that everything was ok. Be very casual, and do NOT apologize for calling, why shouldn't you call and say hi?
Nothing wrong with chocolate but it could contribute to how you're feeling, so you may want to try something different. Fresh fruit.
I know you would do things differently, but I once asked my mother why a friend of mine wouldn't do something a certain way, and she said "you cant expect people to act like you, or do something like you, because they aren't you", and that stuck with me. You don't know what he's thinking, so your imagination is running away with itself.
Ok, I forgot to ask, how may texts have you sent, and how many voice mssg have you left?
Oh, then I wouldn't worry about it. He can see when the texts were sent, they have a date on them. At this point, you texted him two days ago and haven't heard back, it's normally to start to worry a little, we live in a crazy world. I would call and if you get the machine you ca say that you just wanted to say hello, and see if he was having a good time. You thought about him today because (insert anecdote here) and were a tad worried because you hadn't heard back from him. Hope everything is ok and he's having a wonderful time. You won't be considered crazy for that at all.
You do make a good point about calling your gf though. It could be taken that you're kind of checking up on him.
You don't have to worry about me getting sick of you, you have made me smile more than a few times this week, so you've been a blessing to me as well.
Guess what? Tomorrows FRIDAY. :) Yes, those roaming charges can be pretty bad, perhaps the phone is cut off or put away. I do think he should have made at least one call or text to let you know he was ok (but that's probably the girly part of me that wants to have that bit of control...."call me, I would have called you", lol) Its kind of nice to hear that he was worried about calling too much, lets you know that he's concerned about getting it right, and wanting to do the right thing in your eyes. Your right, it would be nice to get his comments or thoughts about the letter, but don't expect it if he's not a talker like that, its enough to know that he read it and has a handle on how you feel.
Did you decide to call him?
Don't take this the wrong way, but you are very sweet.
You're right, guys don't think the same way that women do, and rarely place the same importance on the same things that we do. With his history and lack of experience with women, it may take him a while to understand how you work, and what works best with you (sort of like teaching an old dog new tricks? lol)
I believe we covered the bikini clad tryst a few posts ago and I know you don't really think that's an issue. He's with family, he doesn't sound like the kind of man who would disrespect you or himself by doing something like that in a family setting. I think I would be feeling a little insane if it had been 4 days, so at this point, you're a little entitled to feel frustrated.
I did consider that maybe the letter scared him a little, and that is a possibility, but at least he has time to think about it. I can imagine that you are a blessing in his life, now I just want you to keep telling yourself that. You believe you have found Mr Wonderful, but he has found Ms Wonderful, and don't forget that.
(ps. I commend you for waiting to call by the way, following your guts is always the best way to go, and you know best in this situation)
I have to agree with your friend, even through your anxiety, you've managed to joke, smile and make me laugh. Sometimes when we have something that seems so precious and rare, we are so scared of doing the wrong thing. It's like that gorgeous piece of jewelry that we're afraid to wear...might lose it, a stone might fall out, someone might steal it. It's very natural after dealing with all the junk to obsess a little over something that seems so perfect. I'm glad about the letter, people need to hear that they are appreciated, and that you notice the things he does.
Sometimes people can bring the worst out of each other, but other times people can amazingly bring out the best in each other, in ways that neither of them have ever experienced. Friends and family tend to take notice and say hey, we've got these two great people, who are even more great together. I believe that as you say this letter will be something he will have forever, and treasure it as much if not more than the other tidbits of your life he treasures. That tells me he's a romantic, and sentimental to boot.....a necessary character trait in my opinion. :)
I apologize it took me so long to get back to you, I had to step out for a moment. So he's already left Barbados, and do you know when he'll be home?
It's been my pleasure. Enjoy your trip with your daughter and your weekend. He'll be home before you know it.