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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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My husband Is Verbally abusive

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My husband of 5.5 years is becoing more and more verbally abusive towards me. He won't communicate or argue, and he will NEVER apologize. He plays on my insecurities and calls me names. He will wait until specail days, like my Birthday and reduce me to tears and than laugh at me and call me more names. He always says I am "perfect" and a controlling bitch. I am 40, intelligent and love my job. He is very insecure and lately has shown to act like a child whenever he is angry or upset. I am worried that he is escalating in his anger, as on the anniversary of my Mom's death yeaterday he got right into my face and told me to grow up, than he kicked me when I started crying. I am at my wits end, he is 38 and I just don't know if I should continue to live like this. He will not go to counseling and I just am afraid of he hitting me....HELP

Hello Marree,

One thing you can be certain of is that if he hasn't already hit you, he will. It's only a matter of time. Why do you put up with this behavior? Don't you know that you deserve to be with someone who will be with you and respect you? If you don't know this, you may need to seek therapy to figure out why you don't think that you deserve love and respect. You say that you are 40 and intelligent, but at what point will you realize that he is an adult, you can't make him go to counseling and you can't make him change. However, you can change your circumstances and put yourself out of harms way. You can make a life for yourself that includes love and respect, even if it simply comes from yourself. This is not right, and at some point he's going to escalate into violence. He might hit you, he might kill you, who knows.....you have to decide if you want to stick around and find out. I don't mean to be so blunt with you, but you should worry about your safety. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Warmly

Chase

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Customer: replied 8 years ago.

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX know I cannot change him, but I just didn't want to fail in my second marriage. My first husband is an alcoholic and I didn't know that when we married. He came out of the alcohol closet after one year of marriage. My current husband was my best friend even through my first marriage, so I am just so dissappointed that we failed also......but as you said better to love and respect myself than to not be respected by him.

 

 

Hello Marree,

YOU did not fail your marriage. How could you know he was an alcoholic? How could you know that you husband would turn abusive. It's one thing when you make bad choices on purpose, knowing that you are making a bad decision but doing it anyway....in your case, you made decisions out of love, not knowing what they were capable of. You cant blame yourself. If you blame yourself, you are abusing yourself as bad as your husband.

Better to leave a bad situation before it gets worse, and start a new life from scratch. Maybe the next guy, you take your time, 6 mos or more before even agreeing to date someone, that way you have a better idea of what you're getting into. Just remember that you deserve to be loved the way you need to be loved. That's not asking too much.

Chase

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