How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Ms Chase Your Own Question

Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Ms Chase is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

There is a girl that I have been seeing on a weekly ...

Resolved Question:

There is a girl that I have been seeing on a weekly base. Going out doing things together having a great time. However we only been going out as friends because of her current Drama issues with her EX, and his family. She tells me that she doesn''t want to get involved until the drama has been resolved. They live very close (2 houses down) and their families are close as well so I can understand it''s pretty hard. They have been broken up for nearly 1 year. She has dated after that, and now she''s single. She pretty much knows that I want more then just a friendship from her reply of "she doesn''t want to get involved until it''s done" unless I''m wrong and I''m not even reading her correctly at all. I don''t know what i should do, or what could i expect from this. I told her I''ll be patient until it''s resolved. What should i do?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

HelloCustomer

How old are the two of you?

What did you say to prompt her response of not getting involved until it's done?

I'm confused because you said she's dated?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I'm 24, she's 19, I know "uhoh" lol. By dated I mean she's dated someone after she broken up with the ex, and now she's saying she doesn't want to get "involved" until her drama with the ex is over (and currently she's single).

I asked her if she to go to dinner. At that time she mention "getting involved".

It's confusing to me because I'm taking her out every week whenever I have a chance.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Customer

It sounds a little fishy to me. She's dated and she's willing to go out with you every week, but she doesn't want to get involved? She is involved, but she's holding you off emotionally and physically. You can handle this two ways, you can continue to take her out, but give yourself a mental deadline. If she's not ready to consider getting involved after 2 months, then I would move on. Or, you can stop taking her out and tell her to let you know when she thinks things have calmed down enough for her to get involved. I prefer the second option because you will know for sure within a week or so how she's feeling. Once it sinks in that you're serious about it, she will have to make a decision, even if the decision is not to be with you, at least you know.

Now you're probably telling yourself, if I continue to take her out, eventually she may grow to like me more. That's ok as long as you realize that if she decided at the end of a couple of months that she doesn't want to be with you how much time (and money) you wasted, when you could have spent that time with someone who did want to get involved with you.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
What do you mean by "She is involved, but she's holding you off emotionally and physically"?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

If you've been taking her out 'for weeks" as you say, then technically, you are involved, even as just friends. Any outsider, including her ex, could think that you could be dating. If she's dated before, what's different about what you're doing? Why does she care what her ex or his family feels about it now if there's nothing still between them?

When I say she's involved but holding you off, I'm saying, she has no problem going out with you every week, but saying that she can't get 'involved' ensures that you don't become emotionally attached to her, and that you don't move forward physically (try to hold her hand or kiss her) because she's already let you know that she doesn't want that.

I'm only saying to look out for yourself, be sure that you're not giving out far more than you are getting back.

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
We're currently taking the same class in College, do you think it's a good idea to do option 2 while we still see eachother? I walk her to her car on a regular base, should I stop that as well if I do option 2 while class is still going on?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Seeing someone in class and actively taking them out are two different things. You have to decide what's more comfortable for you. In some way she has to see that she can't have the best of both worlds. She cant go out with you every week and yet keep you at arms length by saying she doesn't want to get involved "right now". Like I said, you can give it more time and see if anything changes, or let her know you really like her more than friends, and would prefer to wait until she's ready.

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
If I were to let her know that I would like to be more than friends. And she still agrees to go out with me would that be a green flag?

example: I plan a dinner one week,....I let her know what I would like between us the week before I take her out. And she doesn't cancel. Would that be a green flag? Should I or should I now do something like that?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Didn't you say that you asked her out to dinner and that's when she mentioned not getting involved?

 

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Yes, I did, that was the frist time I asked her.
After a few weeks we started going out as friends: lunch, dinner, study, beach, movies etc. without the emotion and physical.

I think the emotion and physical are there ....but I'm confused because she did say she didn't want to get involved in the beginning.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

You cant use her cancellation or not as a good guage because she sees you as a friend too. So to say, if she accepts the dinner then she's interested in getting involved is wrong. Might be best to flat out tell her how you feel and see what she says. If she says, no i'm not interested in getting involved, then let her know that you may not be able to spend as much time with her because you're developing feelings for her UNLESS you are ok with just being friends.

Chase

Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency