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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Martin and I have been dating for 5 years, bought a house 3 ...

Customer Question

Martin and I have been dating for 5 years, bought a house 3 years ago and have been trying to have children. Unfortunately, I have suffered through 4 misscarriages, and we both feel the pain. About a year ago, I started feeling that Martin was hiding something or someone. I never snooped before, I never felt the need to. After about a year of totally stressing myself out, thinking he had someone else, he finally admitted that he was hiding; his wallet and all his personnel things because he thinks I took and hid his wallet for two days. He said this happened 1 1/2 years ago. I never took his wallet, and he''s been holding this grudge against me for all this time. I still love him, and he said he loved me. I would never do that. He wants out, and after all the pain from the misscarriages, I''m totally heart broken. He just does not believe that I never took it. I''m staying at my mom''s right now because it''s to hard for me to be around him. What should I do?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Customer

He wants to break because of the wallet?

Do you think it could be that he really is seeing someone?

Is he at least willing to try and work it out?

How old are the two of you?

Does the house belong to both of you?

Chase

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: He thinks the wallet was an invasion of his privacy. He also says that I've been sad and angry most of the time lately and that is hard to deal with. I'm trying my best to keep my head on straight after having 4 misscarriages.
I did a good job of checking his things and in the past year haven't found a thing that proves hes even talking to another girl.
He was willing to try a couple weeks ago.
I'll be 33 this year and he'll be 40.
The house is in both of our names, and we purchased it together.
Also I can honestly say that I haven't been quite myself over the past two years. I'm having a hard time dealing with the misscarriages but try to look forward and not dwell. He also says that I've yelling alot.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: No answer yet.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Do you think you could answer my last question if you have a minute? It was sent on March 23/08 @ 6:28 pm. You did follow up with further questions, regarding "our age", "If I thought Martin was seeing anyone else," "do we both own the house"... etc. It begins; "Martin and I have been dating for five years..." I would really appreciate some expert advice. Thank you.Customer
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.

Hello Cmanello,

I apologize for the delay, I did not see your second response. First of all, I am very sorry to hear about your loss. It's not uncommon for a woman who has had ONE miscarriage to experience depression and other emotional issues, and you have had four. If you did not take his wallet, there's nothing you can do to prove it except be honest. If you've never lied to him, he should have no reason to believe you're lying to him now. I think he may be using that as an excuse to not have to deal with your mood swings and whatever else the two of you are going through. You most likely need to seek therapy...as it seems you may not be able to deal with these losses on your own. It's possible he may be using all of this as an excuse to leave so he doesn't have to deal with his loss, which he may also need to seek therapy. This may just be something that you will not be able to deal with on your own.

If he's not cheated or lied to you before, then it's a good chance he's not doing it now, but it does seem as if its very difficult for the two of you to communicate right now. Therapy can help with this. If he's willing to work it out, thats a good sign Try to talk as much as possible, try making lists of the good aspect of your relationship, and the bad. What you like about each other and what can be improved or worked on. Its not going to be easy, and ultimately its going to be your love, compassion, patience and willingness to sacrifice for each other that is going to get you through.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Chase

ps. look into the laws in your area, about leaving the house that you both own. If you do split, you don't want to be accused of abandoning the home.

Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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